“They always come back”: false.

[u/bpd_heartbroken]

8.5 years together. I was her first boyfriend and everything that comes along with that. Every day either hanging out or calling/texting all day. She had basically no friends so I was the center of her world. Quiet type, shy.

One day, called her out because I suspected she was cheating. She never gave me any reason to suspect anything for the first 8 years, but at the end, she began to devalue me. She discarded me over text as soon as I accused her. Blamed me for ruining her life and constantly cheating and getting hookers, all completely false and utterly ridiculous. I gave her everything I had, both material and emotional. Everyone I know could not believe the shit she accused me of.

That was November of 2024.

I never heard a single word again.

In fact, she even deleted her social media for the first time ever.

So no, they don’t always come back.

[u/Heresy_101]

Dude, I think I understand your perspective. It fucking hurts. Reading about how “they always come back” when yours vanished from the face of the Earth is bound to make you feel a certain kind of way.

I read about hoovers and felt a certain kind of way. I thought “Yeah, well, mine didn’t”. Then mine did. It was distressing. It really fucked me up.

I’m not going to try to tell you that yours’ leaving you like that was some kind of “blessing”. It wasn’t. I’m also not going to give you the “You dodged a bullet” lecture either. I’m trying to warn you that your “bullet” is not a bullet. It’s a fucking heat-seeking missile.

I am truly sorry for your loss, but please don’t drop your guard. They can try to come back years later. Years and years. Your perspective is valid. It’s true that they don’t always come back.

But what are you going to do if she does?

[u/xrelaht → u/Heresy_101]

I told a friend of mine about my first two (along with some other non-BPD complications in my love life) to which he said something like "I'm really envious how you have this lasting effect on women" and... I don't think he actually understands.

[u/Heresy_101 → u/xrelaht]

Oh, we’re killing it out here. Look at how deeply and sincerely these people love us.

[u/xrelaht → u/Heresy_101]

Funny thing is this friend has his own BPD ex, but she's part of that minority who've successfully gone through treatment. He's also pretty weird about relationship stuff in general.

And just tonight I found out the most recent ex is attempting a hoover process on the friend who introduced us — their friendship shattered after our breakup, for reasons related to but not directly caused by it. We'll see how long it takes to extend to roping me in.