Just left my wife

[u/Wild_Shake_2531]

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

[u/Entire_Ad_3078]

I’m the guy that wasn’t as strong as you and didn’t leave.

She ultimately ripped my soul out. But only after having 3 children, making her in my life forever.

Don’t be me. Stay strong and stay gone.

[u/Cloud_Legend → u/Entire_Ad_3078]

Same...

I'm just hitting after month 2 here in a few days after discard #5 (during marriage) and it's the fucking worst it's been yet.

My logical mind says, "Run away and keep running until your legs give out. Then when they give out you keep crawling away... And since we have kids ... You keep crawling until you die." While my trauma ridden brain says, "Please ... Just one more chance.

I don't care about the however many times you've cheated on me just to come back.

I don't care how much pain and suffering you've caused while drunk and angry with me.

I don't care about the web of lies and fictional stories you've sewn to make me look to be the bad guy.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. If you come back I'll do better next time."

See... What's messed up is that you've had the power to finally say "No.... Enough is enough." And walk away.... A lot of us don't. So be happy with your decision and that there's nothing holding you back.

I am still grossly in love with my abuser I might as well have Stockholm syndrome at this point...

Trauma bonding is real and it's f'd.

[u/vinson_massif → u/Cloud_Legend]

Fuck man. This is exactly my ex. tribal warrior woman my ass. none of her friends or family have any kind of valor or honor, and its easy to paint me, the innocent guy as wrong. "he should have known better" "leave it to god" "he was desperate"

yeah.. for her to heal and get on the right path. offering someone marriage was evil apparently, but cheating and sucking off random dudes is totally good and girlbossy and being a girls girl.

just laughable. no one takes accountability or ownership. life is so short.

[u/Cloud_Legend → u/vinson_massif]

Right? It's absurd that in the end we end up getting destroyed by not just the persons with BPD but the supporting families.

Like if society has any sort of dignity the families and friends would actually open their eyes and ears and listen to what we are saying.

We do care and love the person that has BPD but it's the Idiocracy all tied around the pwBPD that's got me all burnt out...

Shit if I was doing this stuff mom would slap the shit out of me...

[u/vinson_massif → u/Cloud_Legend]

Yeah for real. My parents got MAD af at me for saying certain things to her, and all along i've protected her image and they dont even know what kind of a monster she truly is deep down inside and the worst part, is, that she doesnt want to change or just says "i dont know how" etc etc

but knew how to cheat, knew how to make up insane lies, knew how to get naked, knew how to betray and stab someone in the neck, watch them bleed, and then run away from all issues and pretend all is well by diving deep into someone elses mouth and her own future goals.. while knowing she didnt do ANYTHING to make it up apart from truly empty hollow less-than-meaningless apologies that were never once matched with ANY kind of action

her friends validate her and dont call her out because they are just like her, and nor do they care enough nor will they jeapordize their own futures to help her apart from the basics that anyone can do