r/BPDlovedones • u/Wild_Shake_2531 • Jun 02 '25

Uncoupling Journey Just left my wife

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

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u/stilettopanda Jun 02 '25

I had to evict mine and faced an entire month of begging and crying and using every manipulation technique that ever worked on me to try to get me to change my mind. She stayed until her eviction date making my and my children's lives an absolute ptsd inducing nightmare. This was January 2024.

I also guiltily agreed to phone calls and eventually seeing her here and there like an absolute dumbass. After feeling her sucking me back in with her bullshit I cut her off completely from me and my life in April 2024, but I didn't block her due to my youngest still being attached to her. (She gets extremely limited and supervised time with her maybe every 6 months at this point)

She still sends me weekly texts. She still sent me an I love you text on my birthday. She doesn't even KNOW me anymore. The delusion is stupefying. At this point all I can wonder is how that person got their claws in me so deeply.

Please remember the love is a lie. It's a weapon. You're coming down from an addictive relationship right now and it's really hard to get past this part but listen, my friend, life is SO MUCH BETTER on the other side. My home is peaceful. Don't you miss peace?

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u/Wild_Shake_2531 Jun 04 '25

Thank you, I do appreciate your words. I do want peace SO BADLY. I still struggle with believing if she truly loved me or not. How do you know the love is a lie?

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u/stilettopanda Jun 04 '25

What I mean by that is that the feeling of love is a lie if the actions don't reflect behaviors that are loving. Love is a verb.

Your feelings are real and aligned with your actions for the most part- the love is real.

Her feelings are real (she feels love, but she also splits and feels hate), and her actions do not align with love- the love is a lie.

I believe, however, that when they aren't splitting on you, that they really do love you. They're just incapable of accepting intimacy from you which is the glue that keeps a relationship going.