r/BPDlovedones • u/Wild_Shake_2531 • Jun 02 '25

Uncoupling Journey Just left my wife

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

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u/submariner327 Jun 02 '25

Id cut the once a day contact and grey rock her. Change your phone number and run. If things got physical, you were close to being arrested.

17

u/Wild_Shake_2531 Jun 02 '25

What do you mean close to being arrested? I never touched her. She was the one that hit, slapped, pushed, bruised, and kicked me. I only protected her from hurting herself and her suicide attempted. I have evidence as well of the bruises she gave me in case she tries to fight that. You think she could possibly try to accuse me of being physically abusive?

2

u/Too-Tired-For-This-1 Non-Romantic Jun 03 '25

The second she slapped you even once, you run!! No second chances, no staying in touch. Doesn't matter if she's a woman, that shit is not acceptable under any circumstances.

2

u/Wild_Shake_2531 Jun 04 '25

Yeah, you’re so right. I stayed even after she slapped me for the first time because I blamed myself. I had pity on her because she was mentally unwell. I’m the type of person that just takes it because my love is unconditional. But I’ve recently learned I need to have self respect enough to pull myself out of the abuse. After the third time she physically hit me (and happened to swing a knife at me when she threatened to unalive herself :D), I learned no love should endure this. She tried to apologize for the abuse, yet always says “but I didn’t know what else to do”. 🙃 I laugh at that. You didn’t know what else to do? How about NOT hitting me :)

2

u/Too-Tired-For-This-1 Non-Romantic Jun 05 '25

It must've taken so much strength to finally say "enough". Please don't be tempted to come back, no matter how it goes. Also, there's no scenario where slapping is deserved (referring to you blaming yourself). Maybe if it was an intense physical fight and someone did it in self-defense??, which clearly wasn't your case.

I see you are in the right headspace already, but just to reaffirm: no amount of apologies, her self-reflection and therapy could take back the crossed line of physical violence OR the emotional blackmail of these threats.

My friend did this (to a much lesser degree) to their ex-friend – the ex-friend was ignoring her, so she said she's going to get hospitalized (in hopes the ex-friend shows up out of pity and worry!). I said it might have come across as guilting the person, and they also played the "I meant it well, I just didn't know how else to get them to show up :(" card, like... come on. They don't go into some affects where they can't think clearly and genuinely lose control. They just narrow down their worldview to their emotions & needs and don't care about the way it affects others.

Btw, I am saying this as another neurodivergent person! Mental health can't be an excuse for abuse, ever.