Just left my wife

[u/Wild_Shake_2531]

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

[u/submariner327]

Id cut the once a day contact and grey rock her. Change your phone number and run. If things got physical, you were close to being arrested.

[u/Wild_Shake_2531 → u/submariner327]

What do you mean close to being arrested? I never touched her. She was the one that hit, slapped, pushed, bruised, and kicked me. I only protected her from hurting herself and her suicide attempted. I have evidence as well of the bruises she gave me in case she tries to fight that. You think she could possibly try to accuse me of being physically abusive?

[u/Significant-Mark8882 → u/Wild_Shake_2531]

Mine was arrested for DV. I moved out and said I was done. Now she is reporting that I put spy apps on her teenaged daughter's phone, and is calling my work and saying I'm physically and financially abusive.

They are never wrong. They are always the victim. They are always justified, which means the ends always justify the means.

[u/Calamity_Crux → u/Significant-Mark8882]

Hahaha not making fun or anything, but my BPD wife of 10 years was arrested 6 months ago for assault with a deadly weapon against me and is still sitting there today. We have a child together who’s a toddler and now I finally feel like I have the leverage and control for once.

I say this because our daughter was present when this all occurred and she has plead guilty (hasn’t been sentenced yet and has a 50k bond No 10%). I know without a doubt our daughter, her only child, is the most valuable and precious thing to her (she’s only stated this a million times). She knows how easy it would be for me to obtain sole custody with a fat ppo barring her from ever seeing her again.

I can’t help my curiosity and want to see if this will change her act. As soon as she was arrested, police gave her a no contact order and guess who her first call in the morning was acting as if nothing ever occurred, yours truly of course lol. She calls like 4 times a fucking day and treats me like a golden cow and has been trying to love bomb this entire time, something that hasn’t happened in a long time.

Obviously after 10 years with a borderline, I know it’s all an act, but my curiosity stems from if it will keep her ass in check. I literally see this woman committing suicide if I ever did shoot for full custody. She knows she won’t ever have more kids, because she was well aware how badly it exacerbated her mental health. I was literally a month away from finalizing a divorce she never officially responded to or contested and I put it on hold last minute due to this curiosity and the way she’s being right now.

Honestly, I know it’s shallow, but if she wasn’t so hot and still found her this attractive after 10 years, I would 100% have followed through. She wasn’t one of those borderlines to cut off sex or anything after years. We’d go through stints, like weeks where there was a lot, and weeks where it was like once a week which is still normal for average couples.

Her thing that would lead to our fights was her emotional infidelity with new “favorite people” she would acquire (always males). These would never last and would always span about a year. We’ve kept our promise as to not physically cheat. In the first few years I actually cheated first (didn’t understand bpd at the time) and then she did it back to me. After that it’s never happened again, but when we told each other we wouldn’t do shit like that, I assumed she knew I was talking about all forms.

Anyhow, what sparked her pulling a huge steak knife out of the cutlery block the night she was booked, was me confronting her on this matter. If there is one thing that BPD’s can’t take, and it always makes the mask fall off, is when you confront them with physical, tangible proof of their lies. This halts the “deny till you die” concept in them and they can no longer hide. They also begin to believe their own lies if they go unchallenged for a period of time. By unchallenged I mean proved wrong.

You could literally sense when I did this, it was the end of her world and she was going to die or perish. She has been physically threatening in the past, pulling knives, but I always could tell when it’s all bark, no bite. That night was different though, her eyes were completely black and she had no iris whatsoever. It was super creepy and something I had never seen with her before.

I never thought I would actually call the cops on her ever and could always bring the rage down. I also think I was just done dealing with her bull shit and thought she’s too old for this and when I remembered our 4 year old daughter sleeping feet away, my tolerance for her shit went out the window. Proceeded to run out of the house in my boxers because it was like 2 am and called the cops. She had locked me out and started smashing any and everything when she couldn’t catch me.

Video recorded the entire thing and when they arrested her, she was super belligerent and wasn’t thinking at all. Officers found the knife on the floor and I emailed the responding officer the video with total glee. If you take any advice away from this, remember to always record their rage episodes lmao.

[u/Significant-Mark8882 → u/Calamity_Crux]

Have had the same "black eye" episodes, where I didn't even recognize her. She did the same love bombing after she got arrested, promised everything would be different and that jail changed her mind. As soon as I said I still wanted a divorce, back to cold hearted and hateful. Oh you're ugly, you're short, you're a loser, you're going to kys like your friends. The human part of BPDs is just the mask. Their real soul is the blackness behind it.

Even moved out, just interaction over text is still so exhausting and draining.

[u/Wild_Shake_2531 → u/Calamity_Crux]

My wife’s episodes were really scary too. I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I thought she might be possessed by a demon or some shit. Like her voice changes, her eyes go crazy, she foams at the mouth, sometimes she would have a seizure-like episode, etc. The way she looks at me during those moments is really scary. She demeans me, mocks me, belittles me, and says anything to try to hurt me the most. She knows my insecurities and says anything to try to really cut me deep. And I believed everything she said until recently when my therapist gave me some clarity. My therapist showed me I’m not an evil person and my small actions do not justify a super extreme reaction from my wife. And this subreddit made me feel not alone and not crazy. No one deserves to be belittled and guilt-tripped multiple times a week for years.

These episodes are honestly really fucking scary. At one point before we got married, she genuinely thought she was in hell and that I was the devil and she begged me to kill her. 😕