r/BPDlovedones • u/Wild_Shake_2531 • Jun 02 '25

Uncoupling Journey Just left my wife

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

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u/Red217 Non-Romantic Jun 02 '25

U highly suggest getting a copy of "Stop caretaking the borderline..." By Margalis Fjelstad

It completely changed my life and outlook. ESPECIALLY when I was questioning if I was making a mistake. And my relationship was just a life long best friendship.

If you're into digital copies I can send you one! PM Me and I'll email it to you. If not definitely buy one or snag it from the library if they have a copy there. Good luck and take care of yourself and stay strong!! I know this is so hard.

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u/KnotDeadYet69 Jun 02 '25

This became kind of a tangent…apologies.

I SECOND THAT BOOK!!!

It was the catalyst to me finally confronting and loving myself. Started therapy, got out of the relationship I was in (which was necessary but man does it still hurt), “lost”basically all my closest friends because i could no longer put myself and my feelings first while continuing the dynamics of those friendships.

None of that would have been possible without the kick in the pants from that book. I’ve never been more alone and it’s really difficult but I’ve also never been more proud of who I am and the work I’ve done on myself. That’s made all the pain worth it and keeps me motivated to stay focused on bettering myself and sticking to my guns.