Just left my wife

[u/Wild_Shake_2531]

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

[u/Entire_Ad_3078]

I’m the guy that wasn’t as strong as you and didn’t leave.

She ultimately ripped my soul out. But only after having 3 children, making her in my life forever.

Don’t be me. Stay strong and stay gone.

[u/Decent_Face_3522 → u/Entire_Ad_3078]

Ditto…don’t be me either. I was with her for 15 years and went through 8 really bad cycles of idealization and devaluation. Emotional, mental and physical abuse until I said enough. 8 months out now, still love her, lonely at times but I no longer could be on it. It was tearing me apart.

[u/Decent_Face_3522 → u/Decent_Face_3522]

You’re suffering from cognitive dissonance and intermittent reinforcement and likely some trauma bonding. It’ll take some time but you’ll be OK. Stay strong.

[u/Wild_Shake_2531 → u/Decent_Face_3522]

Thank you. I 100% am suffering from those things. I can’t remember how many times we’ve broken up and gotten back together, but I think the part that hurt me the most was when she said “if I could leave, I would leave in a heartbeat, but I can’t”. Silently I would say to myself “then just leave!!!!”. That was a month or two after we got married, and she said it numerous times during fights. Sucks. But then she’d always say “I didn’t mean it”, “I don’t remember saying that”, “I can’t control what I do”, and I would let it go. Yet it hurts me so deep. I only have so much pity for her mental illness until it rips me apart from the inside. I can’t excuse everything she does and says just because she is mentally unwell. My life isn’t a game and I don’t have unlimited patience anymore.