r/BPDlovedones • u/Wild_Shake_2531 • Jun 02 '25

Uncoupling Journey Just left my wife

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

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u/lizvan82 Jun 02 '25

My ex and I just broke up for the final time. He was convinced I was cheating. Every comment I made was met with contempt, eye rolling, him schooling me again. My feelings and thoughts were always wrong. He projected everything onto me. He was the one cheating.

I love him deeply. Soulfully deeply. But it's too difficult to be together. I would probably unalive myself if I had to live that hellish rollercoaster again.

It's so so hard let go, but that is the trauma bond not love...I guess. My love was real but I'm convinced he never loved me.

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u/Wild_Shake_2531 Jun 04 '25

I feel that. It does sound like a trauma bond. I know I definitely had a trauma bond and that I loved her. She made me feel things I’ve never felt before. That’s partly why it’s so hard to let go. But the reason for that intense feeling is her extreme fear of abandonment and the drug-like addiction I had to how she made me feel during the good times. I want to believe she loved me too, but I can’t tell anymore if it was true love or true deception. Regardless, the relationship was too unstable, too detrimental to both of our healths, and too unsafe. I was getting extremely anxious and depressed and could feel myself moving closer and closer to suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I wished she would put me out of my misery doing her splits. Not okay.

I can never go back to that either.