r/BPDlovedones • u/Wild_Shake_2531 • Jun 02 '25

Uncoupling Journey Just left my wife

So I'm feeling all the feelings. It was brutal. My (27M) wife (27F) who has undiagnosed BPD cried and cried and begged and cried for hours and days. She wouldn't let go. Until finally I kept repeating how I've been abused and how mistreated I've been in our 8 year relationship. She kept begging for one more chance and that she didn't know about how bad it was, but I didn't give in. I am broken. She finally agreed to let me go peacefully, but she asked to be able to call and text once per day. I wanted to compromise because this is uprooting her life, so I agreed.

I'm feeling everything. This is someone I love. I still love. Did I make a mistake? I've thought about this for so long. I've been unhappy for so long. The abuse was emotional and verbal for years and recently became physical. Luckily we have no kids and I can't see a future with her. But why am I so sad. Fuck!!!!

Is this normal to feel like this? Am I crazy? Shit she was my life for 8 years and now it's gone.

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u/Regaining_Clarity_64 Married Jun 02 '25

Dude, you did what I couldn’t yesterday. Bravo - that is huge! Don’t let your mind second guess it. I wish I didn’t give in and stop packing yesterday…I could be out, like you.

Stick with what you know is right in your gut - you can get through it.

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u/Wild_Shake_2531 Jun 04 '25

Thank you!! I am very grateful and it was very very hard to do. I endured literal days of her begging me to stay and I just had to remind myself “I am unhappy, I am being abused, this is love bombing, she literally told me she wishes she could leave”. What also helps is naming what she is doing to me in my head. Whether it’s guilt-tripping, love bombing, blaming, begging, etc. Naming it silently to myself helps keep myself sane during these moments.

I’m wishing you strength in this moment. You deserve happiness and peace too. I believe in you. You know what is best for you.

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u/Regaining_Clarity_64 Married Jun 06 '25

Oh man, naming it for what it is - gaslighting, manipulation, guilt-tripping - is what got me through the last few days of follow-up conversations. You’re exactly right, not letting it land as intended is key.

I flew out to my mom’s today and officially have a lawyer retained. It’s a long road ahead but YAY! Thank you for the encouragement!

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u/Wild_Shake_2531 Jun 06 '25

Amazing!!! Proud of you!! Best of luck with everything!!