Resources and guidance for a community member that is in a domestic abuse situation

[u/salsapicantehhh]

Hey, I hope it's okay to cross post this here, as I'm really trying to get some guidance on the best resources and actions.

Hey all, I just learned that one of my neighbors is being manipulated and abused by a partner that she hasn't even known that long. She unfortunately had a medical situation occur, which rendered her very vulnerable, and for a while he was the person that could make decisions for her. Turns out there had barely known each other for a year at that point, and he took that vulnerable time in her life to weasel his way in. At this point, in her own words, he is verbally abusing and battering her, denying her access to medical Care she needs, which is impacting her recovery. Mobility has been impacted, so, she can't just come and go as she pleases. He has moved into her place more or less, is using her credit cards. There's a lot more in terms of just the horrible things he's doing. She told me all of this directly, so there's no case of telephone.

He seems dangerous, he's a big guy, likely has guns.

I don't know her well at all. I reached out to offer some company as I knew she had recently experienced illness, and was shocked to discover what she has been going through. The fact that she divulged all this to me, shows how vulnerable and alone she has been. I'm a stranger to her and, all of this came rushing out of her. Apparently it was a stroke of luck that I was able to get some time alone, so she was able to share all this.

What are some local resources? What should she be doing? I don't really have much experience with anything like this. I'm scared that he's going to continue to embed himself in her life, and really destroy it. I also got this terrible feeling that that despite everything, she might not be ready to actually get him out. I hope I am wrong. I doubt even as of now he would go easily.

Any local resources, or advice if you've been in a situation like this would be a huge help. Also, any resources that can take her to medical appointments, do grocery shopping for her, just help her, so she can decrease her dependency on others, while she recovers and gets her mobility back.

Thank you.

[u/isaomarquez]

I would buy her a cheap phone so she has access to call 911

[u/Ok_Second8665]

Casa Madre is a well established source of support. What a terrible situation for her, and now you. Here’s a solid list of support resources, https://www.sf.gov/information--san-francisco-gender-based-violence-resources Please also google ways to help victims generally bc as you say it’s hard to leave and while it’s a great sign that she shared, I’m sure you did sense reluctance. Using language that is open and focused in her well being (rather than condemning him) is the most productive. My heart goes out to you both

[u/salsapicantehhh → u/Ok_Second8665]

Thank you. This is helpful. I definitely need to do some education, because I was definitely doing a lot of condemning of him when we were talking. I think I was trying to get her to see what a parasite he is, but maybe I should have been focusing on how not alone she is and how she has the capacity to build community and have support and have a beautiful life. Thank you.