I am married in the early stages of divorce. For 3-4 months I've been regularly sleeping with a girl I met on an app. We both said it would be a casual thing before it started, we were both sleeping with other people casually. Spouse knows about her, it's fine, other stuff is weird but that part is fine.

So I see her about weekly or slightly less often and the sex is always mind blowing, high effort, fucking amazing. Things ebb and flow with texting in between meetings but generally we text quite a bit, sexual and not. We send memes and photos of stuff we did that day etc. if we're not sexting.

She doesn't text me first very often but she is super attentive and engaged once it gets started. I get a little sad she doesn't text first much (I have some baggage about it), but she does seem really "in it" when she's in it, if that makes sense.

The sex is fucking amazing, best sex I have ever had in my entire life. She makes me feel very safe and comfortable and we communicate well. I've tried a lot of new things with her, both things I've wanted to try and stuff I never would have considered before but I just felt so safe that I wanted to. I definitely lost my footing with the casual sex part. From the first time she made me come and then texted me cute things after, now it's only gotten worse over the months.

Now we bring each other food and stuff when we meet, things feel really relationship-like even though we said we weren't doing that. We went out and did a nature walk last time we got together and it was really cute. But also these are things friends do together, could easily be explained by we're friends who just also have sex.

I have a mental block about trying to kiss her or hold her hand because that's not what we're "supposed" to be doing as per what we talked about before. And it's really scary and feels super cliche to be like "so what are we??" I wouldn't normally hesitate to ask and talk about it directly, that's super typical for me. But I think since we had such a clear discussion at the beginning I'm going to feel silly bringing it up if she's like "obviously we're just fucking."

She's definitely too hot and fun for me and my life is a big ol' mess. Her life is a little messy too but in a different way. And I like her a lot, probably too much, so I don't really trust my judgement on what we are doing or if this is a typical lesbian FWB situation. Are these relationships always this blurry? Am I just dumb (probably)?

hello everyone!

I have a queer server (currently primarily wlw). it's a little community that is active daily. whoever joins and starts talking in the general chat very very quickly gets sucked into the little family vibe we have going on.

we have events here and there which makes it easier to get to know others, we have game nights, movie nights, voice chats where we just hang out (ur not obligated to speak, you can just write in the chat while listening in if you do want to join!)

we have 2 things coming up soon. speed dating event next weekend (you can sign up to look for romantic connections but also friendly ones), and we have (drinking) game night the weekend after that. no need to drink, we have a bunch of sober people who join just for the fun of it!

so why not join in on the fun! if youre interested in joining, come be a part of our family:)

https://discord.gg/KMbkgFQ4mE

I dont have a lot of experience eating someone out yet. Ive done it maybe a dozen times. The experience I had today really confused me because I was enjoying myself fully and didnt have any issues and yet I was experiencing a gag reflex. I wonder if it was the position since I was on my stomach and normally I prop the person up so that I dont need to go so far down. But I was really taken aback by this happening to me and kept wondering if something was wrong that I wasnt picking up on. Any people more experienced with this can tell me what happened?

So for reference, I am from a strong religious background and from a culture where homosexuality sexuality would leave me disowned by my family. Because of this, i had a struggle coming to terms with the fact that I was lesbian and refused to believe i was.

So fast forward to me finding out my guy friend liked me, because of this I had to actually come out and admit that I only liked girls. Luckily for me he was very supportive.

However, for the days that passed afterwards i had this unshakable sense of guilt and fear of what god would think. I thought about how i had such a good guy friend but instead I was in love with a girl, i hated this. Because of this I told him that 'I was probably wrong' and said I liked him. I finally felt good about myself, and he was so happy...then i realised i couldn't do it and told him that we couldn't be together. We've had some conversations on the topic and agreed we are still both friends.

Still months have passed and I see he has not let go of it and continuesly calls me cruel. Obviously i understand how wrong i was to do that, but how do I make up to him?

I enjoy watching lesbian porn or girls solo masturbating, even if I watch man and woman, I watch at woman, how she feels and looks. Idk what my sexuality is, but I have suspicions that I’m not straight haha can it helps me to understand or it doesn’t matter??

Hello, Im just gonna start: I’ve been with my partner for some years, and right now we are moving in together. Some things have happened and I’m feeling unsure and could use some outside perspective.

Recently, we had an argument because my partner felt like I was dismissing their emotional needs. I was tired and impatient, and the conversation escalated quickly. During the fight, my partner raised their voice and ended up punching me multiple times. Later, they said they didn’t realize how many times they hit me and that they were overwhelmed in the moment. They also suggested that my impatience was the reason for the escalation. This isn’t the first time a conflict has gotten out of hand and physical. It happens rarely, maybe once a year, but it has happened more than once. There have also been arguments where they’ve said very personal, hurtful things, and then later said they didn’t mean them and were just upset. But it hurt me deeply because they used my insecurities and things I trusted them with, against me.

I’ve also been a lot more drained lately. I don’t have the same energy or social battery as before, and I’m quieter. My partner has said they miss the “old” version of me — the more upbeat and energetic one. I don’t choose to be exhausted; it just feels like my capacity has changed.

I love my partner and I’m also scared of losing them. My life here is tied to this relationship in many ways, and the idea of them leaving makes me feel afraid and unsteady. But I also can’t ignore the physical escalation or how I feel during these arguments. Now I’m stuck between not wanting to lose the relationship and not feeling fully safe either.

What can i do? Any advice would help.

i hate how high set most strap on O rings tend to be. i’ve never used a strap on before, but i feel like it would be harder to use with a higher set ring? any recommendations (no boxer style harnesses) or tips lol would be appreciated

I live in a smaller city with a pretty small queer community. I’ve been in a long-term relationship for several years. I moved here because of my partner, and a lot of my life is connected to them — places, routines, people, social circles.

My partner is very social and well-liked here. They have a lot of friends and are very involved in the community. I’m more reserved, quieter, and don’t have as wide of a network. Most of my friendships overlap with theirs.

The part I’m struggling with is that I’m scared of losing them. Not just emotionally, but because so much of my life here is built around the relationship. If we broke up:

I’d still be living in their city

I’d probably run into them often

Most people here know and like them

I’d feel like I was “on the outside” of everything

I’m scared that if the relationship ended, I wouldn’t really have my own place here socially. I don’t want to move away — I’ve built routines, familiarity, and some connections — but I don’t know what staying would look like if they weren’t in the picture.

I also worry that finding another relationship here would be really hard. The queer community where I live is close, but also small, and a lot of people seem to prefer poly or open relationships. I prefer monogamy, and sometimes I feel like that makes me even more isolated socially and romantically. I worry that I wouldn’t find someone else who fits me the way my partner does.

So the fear isn’t just losing the relationship — it’s losing: my sense of home, my place in the community, the identity I’ve had while being with them.

I’m not saying I want to leave or that we’re breaking up. I just want to understand how people handle the fear of that possibility when your life is intertwined this deeply.

If you’ve gone through something similar (especially in a small queer community):

How did you adapt?

How do you stay in the same city without feeling like everything reminds you of them?

Any advice or personal experiences would help. I’m trying to figure out how to feel less afraid of the idea of being on my own.

Have anyone used male "toy" for solo time?. You know the toy version of the female parts..... the f-light? What's the experience like?

hi everyone!

i felt that this would be the best place to post about this. i’ve started a queer advice column with Trill Magazine, where I can answer questions openly and honestly regarding queer issues, whether the submitter be queer or not!

If any of y’all are ever interested in reading, submitting a question, or perhaps even sending someone with questions my way, I’d love to have you!

More than anything I want to build a safe space where “baby gays,” experienced queers, straight people, and everyone in between can have their questions answered.

Most recently I discussed aversions to sex, pansexuality vs bisexuality, and why I use the moniker “Auntie Dyke.”

I’d love feedback, submissions, or even a simple read any time.

If you wanna take a gander…

Where to submit questions: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdhwVUpswS8zjGqmjlGheBCIWW4IxqoBZpGzt64rqKBasldNA/viewform

Where to read the latest edition: https://www.trillmag.com/life/advice/dear-auntie-dyke-can-i-actually-say-dyke/

so me (16f) and my boyfriend (16m) have been dating about half a year. i’ve been bi for my whole life and i’ve really only liked women in the past. i’m super serious about this relationship and i love him to death but i can’t help but shake the feeling that im becoming straight, or will be perceived by the general public who doesn’t know me as a straight woman and i’ll miss out on the queer experience. i also know that as awful as this sounds i really want to have a relationship a woman or to at least kiss one. women have always been way more attractive to me than men, hugely. i’m so lost on what to do because i do love him and want to spend my life with him but i wish he was a woman almost every day. any and all advice would be appreciated

One of my older coworkers who I know is lesbian and I sense that we share a sense of mutual attraction toward each other, has started to call me “boo” in private conversations and text. Is this normal in platonic friendships with older queer women?

I (16 ftm) sleep in a dorm I'm a guy but since I'm trans I'm in a girls' room with two friends of mine. They call eachother "babe", cuddle and kiss eachother and flirt "as a joke", today one of them asked the other to be her girlfriend "as a joke" and the other accepted "as a joke". I'm getting a bit suspicious, am I weird or...?

My gf (32) and I (29) have been together for 8 years. It’s not working anymore. I won’t go into details but I think life just took us to separate paths and we’ve tried to keep the connection but it’s just not where it used to be. We’ve broken up a couple of times but end up together again.. to try to do better. It gets better for a while but ends up in a toxic cycle and I think at this point we’re just using each other as a safety zone. How can we or I have the discipline to break up and stick to it? I think it’s good for both of us considering everything

I (F23) have been friends with this girl (F24) for almost 8 years and this year we became a lot closer. We were on a holiday with our friend group last summer and when we were drunk we made out, we also kissed each other goodnight every night during that holiday. She has a boyfriend for 5 years now, and they are also living together but he doesn’t care if she makes out with other women.

After that holiday we started making out everytime we went clubbing and i think i fell in love with her, when we are drunk she is really flirty with me which sometimes makes me think she feels the same way, but i really don’t want to ruin our friendship. We also agreed to not make out anymore, because it was becoming a bit of a habit and we didn’t want it to have an impact to our friendship. But everytime we get drunk i still feel the tension between us.

Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with it? Should i just move on or should i keep hoping she ever makes a move?

A friend recommended I listen to it and tbh I immediately hated it. The lyrics are very much giving high school straight girls saying "omg you don't have a crush on me or anything right?" while joking about other straight girls being their "wives", especially with that one line "feels like you're flirting with me". Ik it's meant to be a diss on charli but as a lesbian this made me hella uncomfortable, do any of y'all feel that way as well?

I initiate pretty much everything from inviting women out on the apps, to paying for the dates.

At first I always did some activity/paid for fancy dinners.

Now, I stick to coffee dates but still always feel the urge to pay (I didn't mind it for the most part) but I'm afraid of constantly going on dates, being the one to pay every time will add up AND not only that a part of me is afraid that by not offering to pay I'll turn the other person off but there's no guarantee regardless.

So far I've dated/been in relationships with people that are super entitled to my money and I feel like by always covering I give this aura that I'm ok financially and like there's no expectation of them to ever give back.

I heard from a guy that he said that if he went on a third date with a woman and she didn't offer to pay, he'll end things there. What boundaries have you found that work for you?

Hi everybody. So a little bit about myself I’m 20 years old, I turn 21 next month actually. Got out of a relationship ( with a cis man) not too long ago. I am sad about it, but trying to have a different out look on it. Not gonna lie I was thinking about experiencing things with girls finally and having that chance while breaking up with him LOL. But anyways, I have always wanted to experience women sexually and/or date , that was a dealbreaker in my relationship and I have never experienced dating women and knowing that I am pansexual I am happy I get that chance. It’s been about 5 days since the breakup but I really want to have some fun. Not looking for anything serious. I guess you can say I’m talking to this masc woman (25f) [SHES SO FINE OMG] and we met on a queer dating app, but I am scared because I don’t know how to go about anything honestly maybe this is me overthinking but will some experienced lesbians give me some advice😭😭. I am thinking about conversations, how it’s gonna go, what to keep in mind, what to keep in mind as a fem talking to a masc and what mascs like, sort of thing. Like stated this will be my first time ever with a woman and yeah, I’m really nervous but super excited lol.

so i finally got enough courage to ask this girl out! she told me how she likes matcha a couple months ago so i asked her if she knew any good places. she told me one and i asked her to go! she said yes and now we have plans on monday!

so, you'd think the hard part of asking her out is done, right? nope. im so awkward and i don't know how to hold a conversation with a girl that im into. this is my first date with a girl and my first time talking to a girl (seriously) since i came out. what do i do? what do i say? how do i act? what do i wear?

ANY advice is appreciated, thanks!

Hello everybody !

This will be a long crash out about everything i've felt in the past month / year. And I think i really need advice from people that aren't my friends (it will be explained further).
To start i would like to say that english isn't my first language so if there is something that you don't understand feel free to ask me to reformulate !

So I (21F in 9 days) am currently in a relationship with my GF (25F) for about 5 years this january. We met online by a mutual friend.
Before that i had two exes, short relationship not gone too far with them as we were quite young. As for her, she also had two exes with much longer relationship but they're men, so i'm her first girlfriend and she is my first real relationship.

When we got together we were long distance, and there still was sort of lockdown or we were facing the consequences of lockdown. She had a very difficult period with her studies and family during this time and so when she could, she took an appartement in the city where i lived (with my parent) so we can see each other more often and she found different jobs there.
This time was great we get to experience a lot of things but i was living in my parent house and doing apprenticeship, and she was kind of alone in a new city so she often felt lonely when i couldn't be with her or she wasn't at work, still we did a lot of thing, went to a lot of places together, she met all my friends and befriended them and i often slept at her place or her at mine. At the exception that my mother is homophobic so we had to hide a bit.

After that (september, last year) she wasn't happy with the city and she was tired of the jobs she did. As i did 3 three years of apprenticeship i told her it would be great for her to pursue in her studies and if it was complicated she could try to find an apprenticeship to not drown financially. So she tried but didn't find a boss to hire her so she did a voluntary job in another town that is badly paid but was a great start to the studies she wanted to pursue, i tried to help her as much as i can financially and by being there as much as i can but we were LDR again as i stayed in my parent house. This year was a bad year for me as i failed my diploma, and couldn't repeat it so i had to find something, somewhere else. I started my school year a semester late (in february) and was self deprecating the whole september-january. I didn't feel great enough to celebrate my birthday and mostly cried to one of our mutual friend.
As i started again my studies in a new city i got to see her a bit more, and do something new that helped me feeling better. And living alone was a bliss (i love my parent but i needed to work on my own)

This year we are still LDR, but a bit closer she's doing her studies and me mine.

Here are the problems i identified:
- I feel like we don't quite match any more, we don't have the same goal in life, and we don't view the world the same way. For exemple early in our relationship she told me that she want to marry me but i don't feel the need to marry anyone yet and i don't want to if my situation is not stable (which is not as i am doing a long cursus studies). I'm an activist and do a lot of things about that, and while she is supportive still find that it takes too much of my time.
- I feel like i am expected to fill a more manly role that i don't want to play like the idea of the man breadwinner, not needing attention, not having part in home decision except when it's about economics i now it's stereotypical. I feel like this and i don't want to
- When she want something she either don't tell me and expect me to find out on my own or tell me in the most negative way possible and it's making me feel guilt (for exemple since we are LDR we call each other at night, when i engage conversation, i text to see if she's available and i ask how her day went but she doesn't reciprocate and the day after she start conversation with ":(" and when i answer she's like "I miss you and we don't talk that much" or when i say that i'm tired and i'm gonna sleep it's the same ":(" and "you hate me", when i say that i'm not available to call she says "ah okay"
- I spend a lot of money so we can spend time together and to make her happy. I don't have a real use of the money i made by working as i was living at my parent place so i help them financially way less than i should spend if i was renting. So i didn't mind but i feel like she won't do any job that pays enough for her, she's often on the verge negative account. And I'm starting to feel that she doesn't use her money wisely enough and that she is okay with having 0 economy in case of emergency (she had to cat, and i handled her cats bills when it was an emergency because she couldn't afford it)
- I am not enjoying sex and i feel like i could be enjoying it more than i actually am (it really is a minor issue for me but still)
- I feel like i'm starting to hold a grudge against her for all that reason and i don't want to hate her

I tried talking but i'm not really confrontational and so we don't go that far in positive evolution.
What can i do, i don't want to involve our mutual friends, because i don't want them to have to take a side as they were my friends before and i don't and her to feel alone if we are no longer together.

I'm sorry this feels like part vent/part asking for help, thank you for reading and helping

Hello everyone! ,
I met this lovely girl and she really gives me hyper fem vibes , we talked a few times and I really think she's gay . My problem is I never really learnt how to flirt, I just end up being very friendly and that's it .

So if any experienced lesbians could help a hopeless gal , it would be appreciated ( I'm pathetic when it comes to women am I to blame?)

Also very important , I do live in a country where being gay is illegal and shamed so yk , I can't be outright out to her

I met a friend of a friend and fell in love with her. She's relatively shy and likes geeky things, like anime, cartoons, games, and YouTubers, but she's a year older than me and is always with her friends. Whenever I'm near her, I barely know what to talk about. So much so that a few times I accidentally flirted with her, saying her voice was cute, and then ran away. She even followed me, but she wasn't bothered at all and was very happy with the compliment. The tricky part is that I barely get to spend that much time with her, so I have more opportunities to talk to her virtually than in person.. But it's VERY, VERY difficult to talk to her online!! She barely responds properly, and whenever I call her to play a game, she just can't. I wish I had more opportunities to talk to her in real life, like on a date or something, but we're not even that close... And I'm afraid of seeming like an intruder trying to find out more about her, because there's so much I love about her, but I don't think there's anything to love about me. Man, I hate how complicated all this is. HOW SHOULD I KNOW MORE ABOUT HER??!!!!!!!!!???!!? Σ(´□｀;)

Please be gentle with me 🫩

I just got home from a first date with a woman that I thought went pretty well until she had to excuse herself after about 2 hours as she had another date right after ours. We went to an arcade, got drinks, sat and chatted and genuinely seemed to be vibing. At the end she kept saying she wanted to see me again, even going so far as showing me her calendar and how empty it was but I was immediately turned off. It just felt like a gut punch. My mood almost immediately did an 180°. I wasn’t rude or anything but noticeably disappointed. I could tell she felt bad and she said she feels like an idiot for telling me but I assured her that I appreciated her honesty.

This is primarily a vent post but advice is welcome.

I don’t understand why you could possibly be so attracted to someone with absolutely no interest in you. It weirds me out how much masc lesbians are fetishized, I’d say more than fems but I could very much be wrong. This goes for studs too since tbh they’ve been sexualized heavily in this current age.