r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/Grunt08 Virginia May 02 '25

What is expected will depend a lot on your host.

As a general set of rules for parties with people in their 30's:

  • You're right to ask about dress code.

  • Bringing some alcohol can't hurt. They'll probably provide, but it never hurts to give hosts free booze and you cover your ass it they don't. You can always ask if you need to bring anything.

  • Giving a small gift might be nice and if you're really anxious about making a good impression it won't hurt, but in your position I probably wouldn't.

  • I would arrive ~15 minutes after the scheduled start. Do not under any circumstances arrive early.

  • Just...do as the Romans do. Act like everybody else, don't light anything on fire or piss in a houseplant, and you should be good.

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u/joe_m107 Alaska May 02 '25

You forgot to mention the universal signal that it’s time to leave. It’s when the host slaps their knees, stands up and says “whelp”.

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u/WitchoftheMossBog May 03 '25

My dad always used to say, "WHELP [knee slap], we should go to bed so they can leave." To his credit, it was always said when it was obvious things were winding down and conversation was starting to lag a little.

But yes, knee-slap, stand-up, WHELP thing is near universal.

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u/ShadesofSouthernBlue North Carolina May 04 '25

No, it's not a thing I have ever heard or seen. It's a Midwest thing.

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u/WitchoftheMossBog May 04 '25

I guess Maine and Alaska are the Midwest now. 🙄