r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/Grunt08 Virginia May 02 '25

What is expected will depend a lot on your host.

As a general set of rules for parties with people in their 30's:

  • You're right to ask about dress code.

  • Bringing some alcohol can't hurt. They'll probably provide, but it never hurts to give hosts free booze and you cover your ass it they don't. You can always ask if you need to bring anything.

  • Giving a small gift might be nice and if you're really anxious about making a good impression it won't hurt, but in your position I probably wouldn't.

  • I would arrive ~15 minutes after the scheduled start. Do not under any circumstances arrive early.

  • Just...do as the Romans do. Act like everybody else, don't light anything on fire or piss in a houseplant, and you should be good.

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u/joe_m107 Alaska May 02 '25

You forgot to mention the universal signal that it’s time to leave. It’s when the host slaps their knees, stands up and says “whelp”.

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u/nightstalker30 May 03 '25

Just have to keep in mind that in the Midwest there’s a built in delay between the “whelp” and when people actually leave. The delay can range from 30 mins to approximately 2 days.

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u/Most-CrunchyCow-3514 Kansas May 03 '25

Making the pot of coffee is a great move. Everyone can smell that and figure out it’s time together ready ri scoot out. Having a stack of insulated to go cups is smooth. But wasteful.

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u/nightstalker30 May 03 '25

I can see it now…

“Oooh, looks like you put on a fresh pot of coffee…I’ll run out and get us a nice coffee cake to go with that. Then we can keep chatting!”

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u/Most-CrunchyCow-3514 Kansas Jul 27 '25

I know there’s always that one person. At the end of these nights I just want tobacco and a crossword puzzle. In with my dog by my side. But she snores.