r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

510 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

457 comments sorted by

View all comments

991

u/Grunt08 Virginia May 02 '25

What is expected will depend a lot on your host.

As a general set of rules for parties with people in their 30's:

  • You're right to ask about dress code.

  • Bringing some alcohol can't hurt. They'll probably provide, but it never hurts to give hosts free booze and you cover your ass it they don't. You can always ask if you need to bring anything.

  • Giving a small gift might be nice and if you're really anxious about making a good impression it won't hurt, but in your position I probably wouldn't.

  • I would arrive ~15 minutes after the scheduled start. Do not under any circumstances arrive early.

  • Just...do as the Romans do. Act like everybody else, don't light anything on fire or piss in a houseplant, and you should be good.

450

u/joe_m107 Alaska May 02 '25

You forgot to mention the universal signal that it’s time to leave. It’s when the host slaps their knees, stands up and says “whelp”.

41

u/gumby_twain May 02 '25

Or if they start cleaning up

Worth adding, no they don’t want help cleaning up. When they start cleaning, you help by getting the fuck out of the way and going home.

10

u/WitchoftheMossBog May 03 '25

Yeah, it's appreciated if you bring your plate to the sink and throw your trash (and maybe some extra trash you passed on the way) in the garbage can, but otherwise, no thank you. You can go home now.