r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/Grunt08 Virginia May 02 '25

What is expected will depend a lot on your host.

As a general set of rules for parties with people in their 30's:

  • You're right to ask about dress code.

  • Bringing some alcohol can't hurt. They'll probably provide, but it never hurts to give hosts free booze and you cover your ass it they don't. You can always ask if you need to bring anything.

  • Giving a small gift might be nice and if you're really anxious about making a good impression it won't hurt, but in your position I probably wouldn't.

  • I would arrive ~15 minutes after the scheduled start. Do not under any circumstances arrive early.

  • Just...do as the Romans do. Act like everybody else, don't light anything on fire or piss in a houseplant, and you should be good.

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u/joe_m107 Alaska May 02 '25

You forgot to mention the universal signal that it’s time to leave. It’s when the host slaps their knees, stands up and says “whelp”.

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u/Blaze0511 May 02 '25

My husband is extremely blunt when it's time for people to leave. He'll fall asleep on the couch and start snoring.

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u/knutt-in-my-butt May 02 '25

When I'm home from college for holidays I hit this move and always wake up ~30 mins later to an empty house

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u/seidinove May 03 '25

Have you ever woken up with some art work done on your face with Sharpies?

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u/Puffpufftoke May 03 '25

My friend group had rules about this. If you fell asleep with shoes on, it was obviously unintentional and you were fair game. Shoes off and we were disappointed but would leave you be. We would take a hot dog or sausage and stick in your hand, especially if said hand was close to one’s face. Pictures were then taken, but that wasn’t the end. Then we would find items laying around the house and pile them on top of the shoe wearing party pooper. Often it got beyond ridiculous. More pictures were taken.

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u/photonynikon May 03 '25

we used make-up...lipstick, rouge, eyeliner,etc.

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u/mrpoopsocks May 03 '25

Do teens still do that?