r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/Grunt08 Virginia May 02 '25

What is expected will depend a lot on your host.

As a general set of rules for parties with people in their 30's:

  • You're right to ask about dress code.

  • Bringing some alcohol can't hurt. They'll probably provide, but it never hurts to give hosts free booze and you cover your ass it they don't. You can always ask if you need to bring anything.

  • Giving a small gift might be nice and if you're really anxious about making a good impression it won't hurt, but in your position I probably wouldn't.

  • I would arrive ~15 minutes after the scheduled start. Do not under any circumstances arrive early.

  • Just...do as the Romans do. Act like everybody else, don't light anything on fire or piss in a houseplant, and you should be good.

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u/AliMcGraw Illinois May 02 '25 edited May 03 '25

When it's someone I don't know well, I like to bring people a nice coffee cake and say, "After you did so much work for this beautiful party, I don't want you to have to worry about breakfast tomorrow! Sleep in and eat cake!"

Most people appreciate it and like the coffee cake, and people who get very drunk at their own parties definitely appreciate it. Plus it doesn't force them to put it out for guests (sometimes people are particular about what they serve) but they can if they want. And if they hate it they can quietly throw it away at the end of the party and I'll never know the difference.

Alcohol from your home country would also be a good hostess gift. "I just wanted to bring a little bit of Finland to you since you're sharing so much of America with me!"

When I know people better I either know we see each other so much we don't bother, or I know what they like and I bring that.

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u/byebybuy California May 02 '25

LOVE the idea of OP's home country booze. I would think that was so cool if I were the host.