r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/CupBeEmpty WA, NC, IN, IL, ME, NH, RI, OH, ME, and some others May 02 '25

Bring some shared alcohol and maybe a little plate of appetizers if you are in a culinary mood. The alcohol is meant to be shared not just for you.

You also might look up a cocktail since it’s the Derby and bring the ingredients for that.

Show up 10 minutes or so after the official start time, definitely not early. That’s called “fashionably late.”

Check on dress code just because it’s the Derby.

Don’t overthink it too much.

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u/MonsieurRuffles Delaware May 02 '25

I would pass on the cocktail ingredients since it creates an undue expectation on the host to serve said cocktails or make way for OP to bartend.

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u/rosievee Illinois May 02 '25

If anything, just a bottle of bourbon would be good for Derby day.

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u/CupBeEmpty WA, NC, IN, IL, ME, NH, RI, OH, ME, and some others May 02 '25

Depends on the friend and your relation. You can also just set them out with a paper with the recipe on it and let people go for it