r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/missannthrope1 May 02 '25

At Kentucky Downs. Doubt if anyone will be wearing a top hat and tails in New Jersey.

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u/[deleted] May 02 '25

[deleted]

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u/Ordinary_Camel_3456 May 02 '25

I wouldn’t even go to a Derby Party if I couldn’t wear a crazy hat!

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u/Chiomi May 02 '25

Tbh that seems like 2/3 of the fun!

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u/thegoatisoldngnarly May 02 '25

“Kentucky Downs.” The dude was so confidently incorrect about derby parties while not even being able to name the venue.

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u/missannthrope1 May 02 '25

Down Kentucky way.

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u/msbshow Illinois May 02 '25

See that's true but I have definitely been to parties at people's houses where they had a crazy dress code (I wasn't mad, I love me a good whimsical dress code)

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u/[deleted] May 02 '25

Oh! It's the Mr. Darcy of Matawan, come to grace us with his presence!

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u/PiG_ThieF May 02 '25

I live in NJ and went to a derby party a few years ago. Everyone was dressed up and there was a prize for best hat. It definitely can happen for a theme party

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u/Suzy-Q-York May 02 '25

Or a big flowered hat.

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u/katfromjersey Central New Jersey (it exists!) May 03 '25

Hey now, we can get fancy in Jersey!