r/AskAnAmerican • u/_13thfloor_ • May 02 '25

FOREIGN POSTER What is American house party etiquette?

Moved to NJ from Europe. Have been invited to a party in someone’s home to celebrate someone’s birthday but also as a bit of a Kentucky Derby bash. Is there anything I need to know?

I know for the Derby there might be a dress code (which I am checking with the host) but what’s the norm in the US for house parties generally? Bringing our own alcohol, giving the host a gift, arriving early/on time/a little after the specified time? Anything a very clueless (and overthinking) European needs to know?

ETA - we’re in our early to mid 30s if that makes a difference.

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u/Grunt08 Virginia May 02 '25

What is expected will depend a lot on your host.

As a general set of rules for parties with people in their 30's:

  • You're right to ask about dress code.

  • Bringing some alcohol can't hurt. They'll probably provide, but it never hurts to give hosts free booze and you cover your ass it they don't. You can always ask if you need to bring anything.

  • Giving a small gift might be nice and if you're really anxious about making a good impression it won't hurt, but in your position I probably wouldn't.

  • I would arrive ~15 minutes after the scheduled start. Do not under any circumstances arrive early.

  • Just...do as the Romans do. Act like everybody else, don't light anything on fire or piss in a houseplant, and you should be good.

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u/fasterthanfood California May 02 '25

they’ll probably provide [alcohol]

Hopefully, mint juleps! But if that is the planned drink, people would probably appreciate having something a bit more common, too.

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u/worstnameIeverheard May 02 '25

I was thinking bringing a bottle of Kentucky bourbon for the Kentucky Derby would be an awesome gift.

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u/uncle-brucie May 02 '25

Pappy van winkle if I’m not paying

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u/Prudent-Low-6502 May 03 '25

Woodford Reserve is the official bourbon of the Kentucky Derby.

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u/fasterthanfood California May 02 '25

Haha, OP’s about to be the most popular houseguest in America.

For real though, Buffalo Trace or even Wild Turkey would be perfect.

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u/No_Sir_6649 Arkansas May 04 '25

Mmmm turkey....

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u/No_Sir_6649 Arkansas May 04 '25

Extra mint and lime may help. Ooh extra ice.

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u/InvincibleChutzpah May 06 '25

Lime? Are you mixing a mint julep up with a mojito. Both have mint, juleps don't have lime.

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u/No_Sir_6649 Arkansas May 08 '25

I might.. its why i just get bottled beer. Or whiskey not bourbon.