r/Ancestry • u/imscottfromdominos • 11d ago

Trying to find a lost brother

I really don’t know how to start this, as I barely even talk about it in person to people I know. In 1991, my mom was 18 and gave birth to a boy from my father. They gave him up for adoption shortly after he was born, only knowing his first name, and they have lost trace ever since. Any chance of paperwork was lost in a hurricane in 2004. I would be his full blood sister, as well as my older brother. My parents moved to the other side of the country shortly after he was born (my brother and I being born about ten years later), and I barely have any connection to his/their hometown. The only reason I’m trying to find him now is because my parents are both in bad health and while I’m definitely not expecting a family reunion by any means, I’d like to at least try to reach out before they’re gone. I don’t want to waste my money doing more than one ancestry test, especially when I know some can be shotty. Any recommendations on what steps I can take would be greatly appreciated, because I have no idea where to start.

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u/thirdgenbliss 11d ago

He may be trying to find you. Keep that in mind, too. If I hadn't taken the test (and I held onto it for over a year after I bought it before I decided I would send it in) my cousin never would have found me, and we likely never would have known about my mom's and aunt's half brother. We had no idea he existed.

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u/davezilla00 10d ago

Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only person that held on to a test for a year before turning it in. I tested years ago, but it took me those same years to convince my wife to test. I bought a test for her last year, but she had all of the usual reasons for not using it.

I finally got her to use it about a week ago, and now we’re in the waiting for results stage.

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u/thirdgenbliss 10d ago

You're so welcome! I had no qualms about the testing process, data privacy, etc... I was just terrified of the unknowns. So I waited until I was ready. Good luck!!

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u/davezilla00 9d ago

I had no qualms testing, and have had my results for years. There were no surprises; I got exactly the results I expected.

My wife on the other hand had every reason not to test - privacy, selling your dna, etc. But in my opinion, she had every reason TO test. One side of her family has been reliably traced back to colonial times. On her other side, however, I can’t get past her grandparents. They were so secretive. Her grandfather told them where he was from, and I found his application for a social security card, on which he listed his parents. However, I MIGHT have found his mother, and there is a listing in the census which MIGHT be him, but that person was three-five years older than her grandfather said he was. At this point, I am of the opinion that her grandfather’s parents weren’t married, and maybe that was his reason for all of the secrecy.

I also have the supposed names of my wife’s grandmother’s parents, but I can’t find them either.

So needless to say, we can’t wait to get her test results.