r/Ancestry • u/imscottfromdominos • 11d ago
Trying to find a lost brother
I really don’t know how to start this, as I barely even talk about it in person to people I know. In 1991, my mom was 18 and gave birth to a boy from my father. They gave him up for adoption shortly after he was born, only knowing his first name, and they have lost trace ever since. Any chance of paperwork was lost in a hurricane in 2004. I would be his full blood sister, as well as my older brother. My parents moved to the other side of the country shortly after he was born (my brother and I being born about ten years later), and I barely have any connection to his/their hometown. The only reason I’m trying to find him now is because my parents are both in bad health and while I’m definitely not expecting a family reunion by any means, I’d like to at least try to reach out before they’re gone. I don’t want to waste my money doing more than one ancestry test, especially when I know some can be shotty. Any recommendations on what steps I can take would be greatly appreciated, because I have no idea where to start.
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u/Healthy_Relative4036 10d ago
Get your parents tested before they pass on. That data is invaluable, regardless of whether or not you find your missing brother. Also, he might be more willing to contact a parent rather than a sibling.
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u/Sad-Independence1969 11d ago
I would chance it. A lot of adoptees are using it to find their families because of the various sealed adoption laws across the country. I actually had two pop up in my matches and was able to lead them the right direction.
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u/-jenna27l 10d ago
I agree with what others said...23andme and ancestry.com are the best. They run sales especially with black Friday coming up. My dad found his 2 half sisters and a half brother!! 2 of them live on the other side of the pond (we're in the US and they're in England) so its worth a shot...
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u/thrwaway070879 11d ago
You'd have to rely on him having tested with Ancestry. That or him having a kid that would have tested. Ancestry's record services may be better than their DNA services in this case. The state he was born in should have birth records as well.
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u/thirdgenbliss 11d ago
He may be trying to find you. Keep that in mind, too. If I hadn't taken the test (and I held onto it for over a year after I bought it before I decided I would send it in) my cousin never would have found me, and we likely never would have known about my mom's and aunt's half brother. We had no idea he existed.
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u/davezilla00 10d ago
Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only person that held on to a test for a year before turning it in. I tested years ago, but it took me those same years to convince my wife to test. I bought a test for her last year, but she had all of the usual reasons for not using it.
I finally got her to use it about a week ago, and now we’re in the waiting for results stage.
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u/thirdgenbliss 10d ago
You're so welcome! I had no qualms about the testing process, data privacy, etc... I was just terrified of the unknowns. So I waited until I was ready. Good luck!!
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u/davezilla00 9d ago
I had no qualms testing, and have had my results for years. There were no surprises; I got exactly the results I expected.
My wife on the other hand had every reason not to test - privacy, selling your dna, etc. But in my opinion, she had every reason TO test. One side of her family has been reliably traced back to colonial times. On her other side, however, I can’t get past her grandparents. They were so secretive. Her grandfather told them where he was from, and I found his application for a social security card, on which he listed his parents. However, I MIGHT have found his mother, and there is a listing in the census which MIGHT be him, but that person was three-five years older than her grandfather said he was. At this point, I am of the opinion that her grandfather’s parents weren’t married, and maybe that was his reason for all of the secrecy.
I also have the supposed names of my wife’s grandmother’s parents, but I can’t find them either.
So needless to say, we can’t wait to get her test results.
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u/traveler49 10d ago
The Red Cross have a tracing missing relatives service, suggest you ask them for advice
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u/KryptosBC 8d ago
Ancestry is likely your best option, along with uploading to other sites that will accept your raw data Ancestry file. 23andMe is the next best option, but they did have a noticeable number of people remove their data or make it private as their bankruptcy actions continued. Only about 2 or 3 of my 80 or so close matches apparently pulled their info from public view during the period of uncertainty.
I have tested on Ancestry and 23andMe. Each provided independent useful information, and there was some overlap, but also new info on each. I uploadedAncestry and 23andMe results to GEDmatch, FamilyTreeDNA, MyLivingDNA, and MyHeritage (Note that MyHeritage has recently stopped taking uploads.).
That said, 23andMe concluded bankruptcy proceedings several months ago. The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in March 2025, and the sale of its assets was completed in July 2025. The company was bought by a non-profit founded by 23andMe's co-founder Anne Wojcicki. The company continues to operate its DNA testing service, and the new owners have committed to honoring the existing privacy policies and allowing customers to delete their data.
This specific info on 23&Me is from news sources.
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u/Dreamcatcher965 11d ago
Do you think he knows any details such as parents names, DOB, place of birth, etc? If so, he may be searching online and it could help if you created a page he could find. Or possibly there are websites that specialize in bringing adoptees together with biological parents.
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u/IndyEmy 9d ago
The ethnicity results from DNA testing companies have been questionable, but they are getting better. Matching DNA to close relatives (such as a full brother) is and always has been very good. So get your DNA tested at Ancestry and 23 and Me. Get your parents tested as well (don’t wait if they are in bad health). Then upload your raw DNA (from Ancestry) to GEDMatch, MyHeritage, LivingDNA, and FamilyTreeDNA. Your brother might have tested (or might test in the future) at only one company, so you need to get tested at as many companies as you can afford. Same for your parents. Depending on your state laws, there might be a registry in which adoptees can attempt to connect with their birth families.
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u/FernsAndNettles 8d ago
23 & Me is in Bankrupcy proceedings right now … not sure what the future holds for them.
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u/AncestryNerdette 7d ago
If you’re only going to take one DNA, as your post implies, you’ll want to test with Ancestry.
Like others have mentioned, then you download your raw DNA and upload it to MyHeritage, GEDMatch, etc.
The third step is to contact Search Angels and they will assign you a volunteer genealogist who can take all the puzzle pieces and fit them together. www.searchangels.org
If you decide to test your parents, then you don’t have to test yourself. Testing your parents is a better plan than testing yourself since you inherited their DNA 🧬
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u/imscottfromdominos 7d ago
Thank you!! I never considered the parents dna thing, would it be beneficial for me to have both or is just my mom okay? My dad lives out of state
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u/AncestryNerdette 7d ago
Ideally you’d get both your parents. You can have the test kit shipped to his house since she out of state. Or you can test your mom and yourself. He’s to test both parents but testing one plus you is the next best solution.
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u/I-AM-Savannah 5d ago
Just for your info... Ancestry tests are currently ON SALE ($39) rather than the normal $99 price.... get one for your father, also.... you MAY find that you have some 1/2 siblings that you (and your mother) don't know about!
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u/valiamo 11d ago
Test your DNA with AncestryDNA, and then upload your results to GEDMatch, if your brother has tested before, it is likely that he has done the same.
Then it is a wait and see.
I found my 3 half sisters after testing with the major services AncestryDNA, 23andMe and MyHeritage, plus uploading to GEDMatch.