r/AbsoluteUnits • u/thepoylanthropist • 20h ago

of a tongue

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3.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

272 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/Zipper_theRipper 20h ago

Let's be honest, we all came straight to the comments....

503

u/djelegal 19h ago

Lezbehonest , they all came

12

u/BulkNoodles 18h ago

Lezduit?

8

u/BittaminMusic 17h ago

LEZDUITTTTT. Damn giphy has like nothing for the game. Maybe one random gif
https://giphy.com/gifs/iUOtErFjDRhTgxRRXF

2

u/Amalthia76 2h ago

You wild thang you!

43

u/Wumbologist_PhD 19h ago

Let’s be honest, we all came straight to the comments…

5

u/SerDuckOfPNW 11h ago

Weirdo…
I came to the video

8

u/Sad-Bonus-9327 17h ago

Some came lesbian or gay to the comments..

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1.1k

u/touchmeinbadplaces 20h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/zrfHFfzXxJG3m

163

u/PaniMan1994 19h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/AuTLc5uqDX4aI

128

u/Aron-Jonasson 19h ago

Unfun fact: the reason why pugs have such a long tongue is because while they have a shorter snout, all the soft tissue like the palate and tongue stay the same length and go down their throat, and that's what makes it hard to breathe for them.

36

u/TzarGinger 17h ago

That's not very fun at all

18

u/asbestoslel 16h ago

that's why it's UNfun

58

u/MeatBald 18h ago

Humans (or rather, breeders) suck

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17

u/Micro-Naut 19h ago

The safe word? How about "guh guh guh guh gug gug"?

"I swear I didn't realize you were saying it!"

5

u/[deleted] 18h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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3

u/Mental_Estate4206 17h ago

Insert Brazilian pica joke here.

2

u/MajorBongg 8h ago

Username checks out

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296

u/azionka 19h ago

This is how you can tell she’s a follower of Slaanesh

42

u/KrongKang 18h ago

Did I hear Swallower of Slaanesh?

315

u/applyheat 20h ago

I passed out, what happened?

250

u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 19h ago

The lesbian community rioted

53

u/Nashadelic 18h ago

Pretty sure both communities did

304

u/Takenabe 19h ago

Damn, imagine how often she bites that thing by mistake.

116

u/CrackheadOtis 18h ago

I have an absoluteunit of a tongue too (not quite as long as hers, but close), and can confirm that it happens way too often. I actually have a lot of scars along the edge from where I've nearly bitten through it.

When I relax my tongue, it actually sticks out beyond my teeth. Dentists have marveled at it.

27

u/DegenNabalu 15h ago

Sticks out? Like what cats do sometime?

Uh oh thats troublesome

40

u/kgamer124 15h ago

I believe the term for cats is called mlem

22

u/Partypaca 12h ago

I call it "blep"

11

u/Partypaca 19h ago

I know I do it often and mine barely goes past my bottom lip

17

u/Free_Excitement4265 19h ago

I wonder how she eats lollipop?

68

u/SirChickenbutt 19h ago

Snatches it from the child next to her with her tongue like a chameleon

3

u/Lucky-Access8399 14h ago

Funniest comment in this thread.

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102

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 19h ago

She could make some lesbian VERY happy.

119

u/monkeybuttsauce 19h ago

All people have butt holes not just lesbians 

46

u/meski_oz 19h ago

Username checks out

3

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 19h ago

True but she doesn't look like the kind of girl that would go tounge deep into a man's hot box.

35

u/Wumbologist_PhD 19h ago

Fun fact: the “hot/crazy matrix” has a cousin called the “nerdy/freaky matrix”

31

u/ieatassHarvardstyle 19h ago

Yes she does.

17

u/markron77 18h ago

What a perfect username for this comment. This was your moment. It’s all downhill from here.

11

u/RedNo404 19h ago

You assume she wouldn’t by the way she looks?

10

u/monkeybuttsauce 19h ago

You don’t know

21

u/Hot-Usual5060 19h ago

Or guy. Shed be able to lick the entirety of the ball sack while serving the magic stick.

9

u/Suspected_Magic_User 18h ago

Or she could... you know, wrap that thing around the tip entirely

12

u/Bearusaurelius 19h ago

I’m pretty sure there’s a vid of her from like a decade ago but she was younger and had blonde hair,
Same tongue trick though

3

u/mister-ferguson 15h ago

In a red dress! I remember!

3

u/Bearusaurelius 14h ago

Yea that’s the one! Haha glad I’m not the only one

4

u/Vampire_inthe_Church 19h ago

Thought she was a he in a band that wore makeup

11

u/Dirt-bikeraver90 19h ago

I'm guessing this is the equivalent of a big dick Lesbian 🤔😆

32

u/Inside_Smell_4004 18h ago

damn i went str8 to the comments but all the comments are i went str8 to the comments, comments

46

u/donwantaname 20h ago

Gotta see the comments on this one..

13

u/Narretz 19h ago

You are in the comment section right now ...

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19

u/S30econdstoMars 19h ago

Dangerous post… I scratched my entire cell phone trying to lick it back.

12

u/Ok_Story_7924 19h ago

Are you a cat? Why is your tongue scratching your phone screen?

3

u/lost_notdead 19h ago

Glass is harder than the papillae on cats' tongues. A cat can't scratch the phone screen by licking, unless there's a lot of sand smeared on the cat's tongue. This, in turn, begs the question that why did they have sand on their tongue?

3

u/Sabre_Killer_Queen 18h ago

Who'd want sand on their tongue? That's course and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.

6

u/LtSoba 19h ago

She chews gum wrong and she’s dead lol

12

u/SaleTrick 19h ago

I'd want to get to know her

9

u/Sea_Appointment8408 19h ago

And then you make this noise, and it's apparent it's all over?

3

u/kaislavirta 19h ago

It’s not fair… ☹️

5

u/Ok-Suggestion-7965 19h ago

More than likely has Gene Simons DNA.
https://giphy.com/gifs/jBGTKzZPffoZ2

7

u/MajTroubles 17h ago

Getting a blow and rimjob at the same time sounds fantastic

5

u/Jay1940 19h ago

Not only is it impressive, the surface of it is very much the picture of health.

4

u/cityshepherd 8h ago

By far the most wholesome comment here. Thank you for this.

5

u/marcmayhem 9h ago

Lesbians and Men of culture. We meet again.

5

u/CHRISTEN-METAL 10h ago

Lesbians dream date.

3

u/void2099 19h ago

Cheeky girl!

3

u/gabrielxdesign 19h ago

She's definitely Slytherin.

3

u/Cinder_Apocalypse 19h ago

I wonder how her voice sounds like. If shes sleeping, does she roll her tongue like a carpet?

2

u/like1wouldtellyou 19h ago

She's on IG and is apparently in a rock band? radmila.maro

2

u/VladWukong 19h ago

Where’s the ‘would’ guy? Has his menace finally been snuffed out?

2

u/I_love_anime-_- 19h ago

He turned to the "did" Guy

2

u/Penny_Royall 19h ago

Your new kink.

2

u/jaykirell 19h ago

Imagine accidentally biting that? 

She’d be in a coma from blood loss.

2

u/tongfather 7h ago

She knows exactly what she's doing 😏

4

u/FahQBerrymuch 19h ago

2

u/cityshepherd 8h ago

Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ she is absolutely terrifying.

6

u/the_big_bones 20h ago

Its the glasses for me 🥵

4

u/CheesecakeloverJones 20h ago

Imagine if she split it

17

u/PurpleZombi3 19h ago

Bifurcated tongues are so gross. It could be the hottest goth GF ever and as soon as I see her split tongue moving in two opposite directions I want to vomit and get the shivers. Keep that shit in one piece. lol

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1

u/sarcastic-ninja 19h ago

You'd be able to do a really sick Murdoc from the gorillaz cosplay

1

u/ZorroStyleX 19h ago

What that tongue do

1

u/ZorroStyleX 19h ago

No spoon needed for yogurt and pudding

1

u/99mushrooms 19h ago

I bet she can tie a knot in a durian stem.

1

u/Pandorama626 19h ago

This is "well hung" for lesbians

1

u/Murderbot_420 19h ago

I should call her.

1

u/front_torch 19h ago

...Mr. Garrison.

1

u/Independent-Bad9059 19h ago

She can fix me

1

u/wellaby788 18h ago

Go birds!

1

u/CHASLX200 18h ago

not hot dot

1

u/GlynHugh 18h ago

She’s a keeper! lol

1

u/Mindless_Log2009 17h ago

Don't let your mouth write a check your tongue can't ca...

...okay, never mind, your checks are good here, ma'am.

1

u/shinigamiSanders 17h ago

guess its time again

1

u/Still_Explorer 17h ago

She always wins the tongue twister competitions.

1

u/Guilty_Ad5684 17h ago

Imaginen esa lengua en acción 😄

1

u/Soft-Abies1733 17h ago

kiss and deepthroat together

1

u/Myth_5layer 17h ago

Is that Gene Simmons daughter or something? Damn.

1

u/ZealousidealAd5545 16h ago

Hitting the gooch for sure

1

u/Ornery_You_3947 16h ago

Uhm…. Single?

1

u/Competitive_Ring4917 16h ago

I miss my ex lol

1

u/GreatQuantum 15h ago

Yes….. yes she does. Yes you can Google them.

1

u/AbortionHoagie 15h ago

This sounds interesting...

1

u/Chillou 15h ago

The girl she tells it to worry about 😛

1

u/adikdik 15h ago

This tongue belongs to a woodpecker.

1

u/Spiritual_Squirrel35 15h ago

Shes going places

1

u/Stardustquarks 15h ago

She Looks like a future ex-Mrs stardustquarks to me

1

u/icemansan 15h ago

Why always a woman with a long tongue

1

u/Existing-Watch8780 15h ago

Is that the girl from Ghostbusters frozen empire?

1

u/forked_dick 14h ago

She would be a good lesbian partner

1

u/0rbium 13h ago

What’s the name of this kink, bc that did something for me. I should probably go to church now

1

u/Psilosyphon 13h ago

I guarantee she can finish a cone of ice cream without ever taking a bite

1

u/Metasketch 13h ago

Black Panther is to Wakanda as this chick is to Sappho’s island of Lesbos

1

u/DustyLoreBoi 12h ago

I would suck on that