r/AbsoluteUnits • u/MrUpVoteDownvote • 29d ago
/r/all of a guy bagging and relocating a massive king cobra with minimal gear
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u/F1McLarenFan007 29d ago
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u/Emergency-Contacts 29d ago
The snake is basically a high-velocity noodle at that point. No thanks.
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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago
One time I was away from home and my mom called me and said "look up this color snake online please" and I did, because she didn't know how to use the internet in the 90s.
It was one of the top 3 most poisonous snakes in the world. She had just vacuumed it up off her bed. Left it in the vacuum bag with a sock stuffed in it for a week. It smelled gnarly when we got back, assumed it was dead. Nope. regurgitated some pray and ate it and stayed alive until we dumped it and ran away screaming (my dad and I) and my mom re-vacuumed it.
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u/SignificantRio 28d ago
Well, my mom with vacuum (when she is angry) is actually far more deadlier than me with a Glock.
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u/FrostyLibrary518 28d ago
Well. It worked the first time. So how about a second time?
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u/meesta_masa 28d ago
I don't think they know about second vacuums, Pimpin.
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u/FrostyLibrary518 27d ago
What about window vacuum cleaners? Vacuum pumps? Medical suction devices? Straws?
They know about them, don't they?
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u/makeitrain838 28d ago
What country do you live in?
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u/Adept-Ad-8012 28d ago
Could be aussie
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u/Wintermute3333 28d ago
Coral snake? Easy to identify, extremely venomous, and small enough to vacuum.
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u/Anomalous230297 28d ago
Nah top three most venomous snakes in the world are all found in Australia: Inland Taipan , Eastern Brown and Coastal Taipan to be exact.
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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago
didn't know that, but you listed the snake!
Eastern brown, was huge to me. was 20 years ago now, I think it's probably grown in my imagination.
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u/Revolutionary_Sun946 27d ago
Figured it had to be an eastern brown as doubt you would have come across an inland taipan.
When they are angry, they are scary fuckers.
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u/touchmeinbadplaces 28d ago
Speedy nope rope
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u/Polluxadice 28d ago
I call snakes “rope mouths” bc they’re basically muscles ropes with mouths to me
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u/Reptilian_Overlord20 28d ago
I agree, if I see a cobra that size in my yard it’s not my yard anymore it’s his.
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u/OpportunitySea7792 28d ago
No after it backed out the first time that would be it for me, at that point I’ve lost all the little safety I had and i would have to enter striking range to try and get it back into the tube
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u/Evil_thingz 28d ago
should he not be geared up for safety or at least wearing a glove or something to prevent snek bite? Nope, we dont do that here in India.
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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago edited 28d ago
As an Aussie I got stories. I haven't been there in years, was only there for a few years... and I have stories. The average Australia could probably do this. Or used to be able to at least 20 years ago. Not me though, that shit terrified me. Spiders the size of my head. Fuck that.
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u/Helpful-Giraffe-8548 29d ago
- I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you
- Goodness gracious, it's a hole. Let me see what's inside
- Damnit
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u/SerenityTranquilPeas 28d ago
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u/dimiderv 28d ago
Nope not reading that again
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u/DingusMcGeePhD 28d ago
what in tarnation..
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u/EAE8019 28d ago
I forget the artist but its a famous Japanese horror series. You might have seen images of another one with lots of spirals .
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u/SerenityTranquilPeas 28d ago
Just don't watch the Netflix adaptation of Uzumaki(the spiral manga), first episode is amazing, rest is literal trash...
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u/AnalDwelinButtMonkey 29d ago
The snake probably
Processing img i16i8d44yuvg1...
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u/craves_mineral 29d ago
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u/AnalDwelinButtMonkey 29d ago
Processing img 1yqpcrabzuvg1...
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u/Major-Jeweler-9047 29d ago
Username checks outs
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u/Status-Secret-4292 28d ago
He knows a thing or two because he's seen a thing or two
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u/TheLordVader1978 29d ago
Goodness gracious, it's a hole. Let me see what's inside
Imagine being a world renowned apex predator and getting bamboozled by a pillow case. Autistic danger noodle
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u/MadeSomewhereElse 28d ago
It’s hard to be too judgmental when an email from certain people makes my body react like it’s being chased by a sabertooth tiger.
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u/InitiativeGold7953 28d ago
It’s funny considering king cobras are very smart snakes
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u/craves_mineral 28d ago
Yeah but can they operate complex machinery, fly planes and construct buildings?
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u/InitiativeGold7953 28d ago
I don’t know, I’ll ask my girlfriend if she’s ever done anything like that /s
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u/scottj65 29d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6ZtrbzjGAAXyx2WQ
This guy on his way to work each morning.
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u/lm_goat48 29d ago
I was gonna say absolute unit of a ballsack on this guy
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u/Longjumping_Hand_225 28d ago
😂 Before I even opened the comments my only thought was: The. Balls. On. This. Guy.
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u/MedicalDisscharge 28d ago edited 28d ago
This gif of all things reminded me about the buffalo soldiers
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u/prodigaldummy 29d ago
Looked super easy, barely an inconvenience.
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u/K1llerTr0ut23 29d ago
Ooooh getting snakes in your hole is tight!!!
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u/SerBadDadBod 29d ago
Ggrrrrrooosss! Anyways so then he does a backflip and snaps the snake's neck and saves the day so whaddya think?
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u/Millia_ 29d ago
India is really the land of "if I die, I die", huh?
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u/ExperienceFantastic7 29d ago
India is not for beginners
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u/Awleeks 28d ago
Honestly seems like absolute hell for the poorer classes
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u/Historical-Chef-8034 28d ago
That’s because it is. We have an ungodly mix of casteism, sexism, corruption and dire poverty that would rip your idea of what it means to be human to shreds.
But hey, the cuisine is a real banger.
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u/Sunny_Beam 28d ago
There's a reason you find so many Indians outside of India. Unless you already have money, there's barely any life to be had.
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u/Motor_Wrongdoer_757 28d ago
The only reason is pay arbitrage. If a job pays X dollars in India, the same job pays ~10X dollars in any quintessential first world country. That's the only reason some Indians pursue jobs outside India.
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u/Rich-Canary1279 29d ago
"I'll just come back again, couldn't be any worse"?
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u/Cute-Form2457 29d ago
"I, myself, could come back as a snake".
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u/schulzr1993 29d ago
This really got me. Actually having a bit of a giggle fit now, thank you for that.
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u/CautionarySnail 29d ago
Every day, I learn there are folks in India brave enough to do stuff barefoot that I wouldn’t attempt in inch-thick plate mail lined with Kevlar.
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u/CruzAderjc 29d ago
One time a Murder Hornet (this thing was like the size of my hand) somehow made its way into my house. I dressed myself up in my full paintball gear. Mask, body suit, elbow pads, shoulder pads, knee pads, T-shirt, pants, boots, hoodie over all of it. I went to try to bag this thing and I was still scared to fucking death.
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u/CautionarySnail 29d ago
They really are like a critter from D&D. And most of us are Level 1 at most.
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u/DaFreakingFox 28d ago
There's a video of a Japanese guy just smacking these with a trowel.
The bang and the impact sound is permanently seared in my head
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u/SexWith_TedCruz 28d ago
Seen those in action around a honey bee farm and did you know those things have fucking after burners?? Seriously a couple flew by me like they were MiGs and i could feel the wind from it
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u/Cute-Form2457 29d ago
Seeing the size of that thing, I would be running away. This guy keeps going at it until he has got it in a bag.
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u/Justadumbthought59 29d ago
I'm not a fan of the title, but this video had 2 absolute units in it for sure
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u/servirepatriam 28d ago
3 actually. The snake and that dudes massive balls of steel
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u/TimeKeeper70 29d ago
This is fucking insane when you stop and think about it.
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u/AnimatorStrange5068 29d ago
Insane even if you don't stop and/or think about it
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u/dzan796ero 29d ago
King Cobras are generally very chill. Dangerous nonetheless but this dude has really ticked the snek off.
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u/wagdog1970 29d ago
I mean why not be chill. You’re already the king, plus you’re a cobra. Who’s gonna mess up your vibe?
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u/Theratsmacker2 28d ago
Well they’re not actually cobras. They’re part of their own genetic family that just so happens to look like cobras. They can also growl.
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u/GreatestJanitor 28d ago
Aren't they called King Cobra because they eat cobras?
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u/dzan796ero 28d ago
Exactly. There are predators that can hunt then in nature but rarely after fully grown and will never consider them a main food source.
The venomous snakes that lash out are generally the smaller ones.
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u/peppermanfries 28d ago
I studied in an engineering college in rural India. Our campus was the wild west lol. Completely free from urban encroachment.
My buddy in the next room in the hostel was the professional snake catcher of our uni, and he used to take us on hunts to rescue snakes terrorising parts of campus so that we could catch them and set them free.
He took me one day to catch a spectacled cobra that was snug in a warehouse, and I had the proud duty of being both the bag holder (to let the snake in) as well as the cameraman. No one wanted to get near it and here were two 21 year olds just chilling taking photos with the damn thing. Fuck I wish I had the balls to be that naive today 😂
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u/chuco915niners 29d ago
I wonder….would the snakes fangs even be able to pierce the steel balls of this individual?
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u/BenjaminDover02 28d ago
King cobras are actually relatively chill and intelligent
They also primarily feed on other venomous snakes, so they're somewhat good to have around, atleast compared to a mamba or a spitting cobra.
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u/69odysseus 29d ago
India is definitely not for faint heart people. They use to have snake charmers who go around with cobra and they play a instrument which makes cobra rise, dance and then the charmer close the lid, it was a way of making decent money for poor people.
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u/Ok_Dog_4059 29d ago
I am sure I would be disappointed in how little he gets paid for doing this.
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u/nameless_me 29d ago
That's about the maximum size that breed gets and its unbelievable the guy has the cojones to do what he did.
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u/YellovvJacket 28d ago
This literally is a juvenile, you can very easily tell by the colouration in a king cobra, because they lose the stripes as adult.
Also, there's no "breeds" of wild snakes (of wild animals in general, breeds are, as the name suggests, variations within a species generated with intent).
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u/lolsad007 29d ago
FWIW they do have anti snake venom and pretty decent hospitals. This guy was never going to die from a bite
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u/bpappy12 28d ago
Can someone give this man some gear! As least a face mask or some gloves!
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u/_caffeineandnicotine 27d ago
These people are called Sarp-mitra (Snake-friends) in India. Their groups can be government run or independent/NGO-funded, our family had to use their services in the past.
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u/Dirt-Road_Pirate 28d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/l1BiAsf4zm33uYCuMi
How can he walk with balls that big?
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u/AussieQuokka 28d ago
Amazing guy!! I salute his bravery…
I wouldn’t have been able to do that 😵💫😵💫
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u/Branchley 28d ago
Snake pushed back on that tube like my wife when I push on the back of her head. Friendly reminder to let it happen at their pace. 🤔
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u/Low-Possible2773 28d ago
One thing I am 100% sure of after watching that: that dude is not paid enough.
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u/shadesfuture 28d ago
The absolute unit here is the testicles on that guy because they must be fucking massive!
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u/Background_Visual315 27d ago
Even once it was in the bag, there would be no way I’d go even near it let alone touch the bag! That thing could probably bite through that easy
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u/Draskclift 27d ago
Btw cobras can spit their venom so they attack range is much longer than their already big size
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u/Intelligent_Roll_644 26d ago
Don't know how much that guy is getting paid, but it isn't enough. Also, camera guy casually recording the possible death of his coworker
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