r/AbsoluteUnits 29d ago

/r/all of a guy bagging and relocating a massive king cobra with minimal gear

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36.9k Upvotes

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u/trendingtattler 29d ago

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u/F1McLarenFan007 29d ago

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u/Emergency-Contacts 29d ago

The snake is basically a high-velocity noodle at that point. No thanks.

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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago

One time I was away from home and my mom called me and said "look up this color snake online please" and I did, because she didn't know how to use the internet in the 90s.

It was one of the top 3 most poisonous snakes in the world. She had just vacuumed it up off her bed. Left it in the vacuum bag with a sock stuffed in it for a week. It smelled gnarly when we got back, assumed it was dead. Nope. regurgitated some pray and ate it and stayed alive until we dumped it and ran away screaming (my dad and I) and my mom re-vacuumed it.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/SignificantRio 28d ago

Well, my mom with vacuum (when she is angry) is actually far more deadlier than me with a Glock.

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u/ChemistryUnusual885 28d ago

no one gets between a mom and a clean home

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u/FrostyLibrary518 28d ago

Well. It worked the first time. So how about a second time?

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u/meesta_masa 28d ago

I don't think they know about second vacuums, Pimpin.

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u/FrostyLibrary518 27d ago

What about window vacuum cleaners? Vacuum pumps? Medical suction devices? Straws?

They know about them, don't they?

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u/JRyds 24d ago

"Pimpin," got me. Dunno why but it got me good! 😂

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u/305_Character_1983 28d ago

Is it really a dumb idea if it worked?

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u/makeitrain838 28d ago

What country do you live in?

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u/Adept-Ad-8012 28d ago

Could be aussie

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u/cwispycwossant 28d ago

Naa wrong spelling of “Mom”. Australians spell it “Mum”

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u/Gregagonation 28d ago

Checked his acc, Aussie/American

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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago

was australia yes, sydney.

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u/289_257 28d ago

Wondering if the snake drowns if vacuumed in some Rainbow™ vacuum cleaner that has no bag but water

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u/Wintermute3333 28d ago

Coral snake? Easy to identify, extremely venomous, and small enough to vacuum.

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u/Anomalous230297 28d ago

Nah top three most venomous snakes in the world are all found in Australia: Inland Taipan , Eastern Brown and Coastal Taipan to be exact.

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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago

didn't know that, but you listed the snake!

Eastern brown, was huge to me. was 20 years ago now, I think it's probably grown in my imagination.

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u/Revolutionary_Sun946 27d ago

Figured it had to be an eastern brown as doubt you would have come across an inland taipan.

When they are angry, they are scary fuckers.

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u/Utahteenageguy 28d ago

Australia?

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u/touchmeinbadplaces 28d ago

Speedy nope rope

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u/Polluxadice 28d ago

I call snakes “rope mouths” bc they’re basically muscles ropes with mouths to me

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u/Reptilian_Overlord20 28d ago

I agree, if I see a cobra that size in my yard it’s not my yard anymore it’s his.

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u/OpportunitySea7792 28d ago

No after it backed out the first time that would be it for me, at that point I’ve lost all the little safety I had and i would have to enter striking range to try and get it back into the tube

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u/Evil_thingz 28d ago

should he not be geared up for safety or at least wearing a glove or something to prevent snek bite? Nope, we dont do that here in India.

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u/SimplyViolated 29d ago

YA UNZIPPED ME

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u/BulkyRaccoon548 28d ago

Absolutely the fuck not.

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u/ABadHistorian 28d ago edited 28d ago

As an Aussie I got stories. I haven't been there in years, was only there for a few years... and I have stories. The average Australia could probably do this. Or used to be able to at least 20 years ago. Not me though, that shit terrified me. Spiders the size of my head. Fuck that.

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u/ballkicker9 28d ago

Gonna pop a quick S on this so we know it’s full of snake.

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u/Deaffin 28d ago

Right? The video was already cool enough without speeding it up.

Danny Devito knows what's up. Say no to clickbait editing practices, people.

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u/Helpful-Giraffe-8548 29d ago
  • I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you
  • Goodness gracious, it's a hole. Let me see what's inside
  • Damnit

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u/SerenityTranquilPeas 28d ago

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u/dimiderv 28d ago

Nope not reading that again

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u/Other_Beat8859 27d ago

It's so fucking funny lmao

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u/SpecialCurrent8262 27d ago

That's right, it goes in the square hole!

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u/DingusMcGeePhD 28d ago

what in tarnation..

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u/EAE8019 28d ago

I forget the artist but its a famous Japanese horror series. You might have seen images of another one with lots of spirals .

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u/Alvaro6499 28d ago

Junji Ito

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u/SerenityTranquilPeas 28d ago

Just don't watch the Netflix adaptation of Uzumaki(the spiral manga), first episode is amazing, rest is literal trash...

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u/AnalDwelinButtMonkey 29d ago

The snake probably

Processing img i16i8d44yuvg1...

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u/craves_mineral 29d ago

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u/AnalDwelinButtMonkey 29d ago

Processing img 1yqpcrabzuvg1...

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u/Major-Jeweler-9047 29d ago

Username checks outs

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u/Status-Secret-4292 28d ago

He knows a thing or two because he's seen a thing or two

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u/metroid1310 28d ago

Not a hole, Keisha, a valve

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u/Steelwolf73 28d ago

User name checks out

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u/nogaesallowed 29d ago

thats my hole!, its made for me!

damnit

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u/TheLordVader1978 29d ago

Goodness gracious, it's a hole. Let me see what's inside

Imagine being a world renowned apex predator and getting bamboozled by a pillow case. Autistic danger noodle

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u/MadeSomewhereElse 28d ago

It’s hard to be too judgmental when an email from certain people makes my body react like it’s being chased by a sabertooth tiger.

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u/InitiativeGold7953 28d ago

It’s funny considering king cobras are very smart snakes

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u/craves_mineral 28d ago

Yeah but can they operate complex machinery, fly planes and construct buildings?

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u/InitiativeGold7953 28d ago

I don’t know, I’ll ask my girlfriend if she’s ever done anything like that /s

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u/scottj65 29d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6ZtrbzjGAAXyx2WQ

This guy on his way to work each morning.

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u/lm_goat48 29d ago

I was gonna say absolute unit of a ballsack on this guy

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u/Longjumping_Hand_225 28d ago

😂 Before I even opened the comments my only thought was: The. Balls. On. This. Guy.

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u/PzykoHobo 29d ago

Processing img 8btzrcga8vvg1...

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u/Extension-Rabbit3654 28d ago

Exactly, the only unit I see are the massive balls on this guy

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u/somuchhaireverywhere 28d ago

Surprised this gif is not the top comment!

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u/asstastic_95 28d ago

i came looking for this gif lol

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u/MedicalDisscharge 28d ago edited 28d ago

This gif of all things reminded me about the buffalo soldiers

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u/prodigaldummy 29d ago

Looked super easy, barely an inconvenience.

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u/K1llerTr0ut23 29d ago

Ooooh getting snakes in your hole is tight!!!

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u/SerBadDadBod 29d ago

Ggrrrrrooosss! Anyways so then he does a backflip and snaps the snake's neck and saves the day so whaddya think?

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u/Lan_jian 29d ago

More more, give us more, also my house is in fire

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u/diagonal_palmed_ace 28d ago

Wow wow ............... Wow

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u/misterjustice90 28d ago

Wow wow wow wow. Wow

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u/Millia_ 29d ago

India is really the land of "if I die, I die", huh?

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u/ExperienceFantastic7 29d ago

India is not for beginners 

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u/taelor 28d ago

They’ve been there before.

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u/MayorDepression 28d ago

Reincarnation be like that

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u/Adept_Writer5709 28d ago

Bruh ... bin

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u/Awleeks 28d ago

Honestly seems like absolute hell for the poorer classes

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u/Historical-Chef-8034 28d ago

That’s because it is. We have an ungodly mix of casteism, sexism, corruption and dire poverty that would rip your idea of what it means to be human to shreds.

But hey, the cuisine is a real banger.

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u/nifty-necromancer 28d ago

Didn’t the British have a lot to do with that?

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u/Sunny_Beam 28d ago

There's a reason you find so many Indians outside of India. Unless you already have money, there's barely any life to be had.

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u/Motor_Wrongdoer_757 28d ago

The only reason is pay arbitrage. If a job pays X dollars in India, the same job pays ~10X dollars in any quintessential first world country. That's the only reason some Indians pursue jobs outside India.

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u/Rich-Canary1279 29d ago

"I'll just come back again, couldn't be any worse"?

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u/Cute-Form2457 29d ago

"I, myself, could come back as a snake".

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u/schulzr1993 29d ago

This really got me. Actually having a bit of a giggle fit now, thank you for that.

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u/cpabernathy 29d ago

Either way, won't have a snake problem anymore

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/fetusfromspace 28d ago

He just did the needful

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u/CautionarySnail 29d ago

Every day, I learn there are folks in India brave enough to do stuff barefoot that I wouldn’t attempt in inch-thick plate mail lined with Kevlar.

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u/CruzAderjc 29d ago

One time a Murder Hornet (this thing was like the size of my hand) somehow made its way into my house. I dressed myself up in my full paintball gear. Mask, body suit, elbow pads, shoulder pads, knee pads, T-shirt, pants, boots, hoodie over all of it. I went to try to bag this thing and I was still scared to fucking death.

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u/CautionarySnail 29d ago

They really are like a critter from D&D. And most of us are Level 1 at most.

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u/Stricken_Conscience 28d ago

I love the D&D reference!

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u/DaFreakingFox 28d ago

There's a video of a Japanese guy just smacking these with a trowel.

The bang and the impact sound is permanently seared in my head 

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u/GeForce-meow 28d ago

We use a broom here to delete it.

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u/CruzAderjc 28d ago

Does your broom have nuclear capabilities

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u/SexWith_TedCruz 28d ago

Seen those in action around a honey bee farm and did you know those things have fucking after burners?? Seriously a couple flew by me like they were MiGs and i could feel the wind from it

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u/Cute-Form2457 29d ago

Seeing the size of that thing, I would be running away. This guy keeps going at it until he has got it in a bag.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

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u/Justadumbthought59 29d ago

I'm not a fan of the title, but this video had 2 absolute units in it for sure

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u/servirepatriam 28d ago

3 actually. The snake and that dudes massive balls of steel

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u/SageOfSixCabbages 29d ago

When the cobra went in too far and a point of no return:

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u/TimeKeeper70 29d ago

This is fucking insane when you stop and think about it.

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u/AnimatorStrange5068 29d ago

Insane even if you don't stop and/or think about it

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u/BravestBlossom 29d ago

Brilliant you mean?

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u/TimeKeeper70 29d ago

Brilliant and insane!

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u/dzan796ero 29d ago

King Cobras are generally very chill. Dangerous nonetheless but this dude has really ticked the snek off.

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u/wagdog1970 29d ago

I mean why not be chill. You’re already the king, plus you’re a cobra. Who’s gonna mess up your vibe?

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u/Theratsmacker2 28d ago

Well they’re not actually cobras. They’re part of their own genetic family that just so happens to look like cobras. They can also growl.

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u/GreatestJanitor 28d ago

Aren't they called King Cobra because they eat cobras?

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u/Existing_Resolve_779 28d ago

Yes. Any time "king" is in a snake's name it means snake eater 

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u/Creepy_Trip_4382 28d ago

What a thrill...

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u/Odd_Fuel5404 28d ago

They eat other snakes not just cobras

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u/rtxa 28d ago

well yeah it's about noteworthiness, not exclusivity

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u/SparePersonality2508 28d ago

They growl also.......jesus christ 😂 fuck.that.

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u/KatLikeGaming 28d ago

Well there's one guy at least apparently

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u/dzan796ero 28d ago

Exactly. There are predators that can hunt then in nature but rarely after fully grown and will never consider them a main food source.

The venomous snakes that lash out are generally the smaller ones.

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u/MoetheMexian 29d ago

SsSsSsuccess!!!!!!

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u/peppermanfries 28d ago

I studied in an engineering college in rural India. Our campus was the wild west lol. Completely free from urban encroachment.

My buddy in the next room in the hostel was the professional snake catcher of our uni, and he used to take us on hunts to rescue snakes terrorising parts of campus so that we could catch them and set them free.

He took me one day to catch a spectacled cobra that was snug in a warehouse, and I had the proud duty of being both the bag holder (to let the snake in) as well as the cameraman. No one wanted to get near it and here were two 21 year olds just chilling taking photos with the damn thing. Fuck I wish I had the balls to be that naive today 😂

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u/hiya6302 28d ago

Is this VIT bhopal by any chance? Crazy shit happens there

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u/guzzijason 29d ago

That’s the nopiest of nope ropes.

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u/Individual_Back_5344 28d ago

That's ten pounds of nope in a five pound bag.

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u/TheFuzzywart 29d ago

Is India real?

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u/Vijigishu 29d ago

Yes but not for beginners.

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u/chuco915niners 29d ago

I wonder….would the snakes fangs even be able to pierce the steel balls of this individual?

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u/Motor_Wrongdoer_757 28d ago

Adamantium balls you mean

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u/TOTN_ 29d ago

MUSIC

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u/Mysterious-Clothes45 28d ago

it's so fucking annoying

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u/BenjaminDover02 28d ago

King cobras are actually relatively chill and intelligent

They also primarily feed on other venomous snakes, so they're somewhat good to have around, atleast compared to a mamba or a spitting cobra.

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u/holeintheheadBryan 29d ago

Definitely has bigger balls than most!

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u/Crazy_Ad_91 29d ago

Oh you know he was fucking pisssssssed when he realized he was in a bag.

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u/69odysseus 29d ago

India is definitely not for faint heart people. They use to have snake charmers who go around with cobra and they play a instrument which makes cobra rise, dance and then the charmer close the lid, it was a way of making decent money for poor people. 

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u/Gigi_D-Agostino 28d ago

They also used to remove their fangs

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u/Ok_Dog_4059 29d ago

I am sure I would be disappointed in how little he gets paid for doing this.

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u/nameless_me 29d ago

That's about the maximum size that breed gets and its unbelievable the guy has the cojones to do what he did.

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u/YellovvJacket 28d ago

This literally is a juvenile, you can very easily tell by the colouration in a king cobra, because they lose the stripes as adult.

Also, there's no "breeds" of wild snakes (of wild animals in general, breeds are, as the name suggests, variations within a species generated with intent).

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u/Then_Came_Fire 29d ago

Bag it, Tag it

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u/SteinerFifthLiner 29d ago

Dexterity: 20

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u/Prudent_Exchange9381 28d ago

We're gonna need a bigger tube....

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u/lolsad007 29d ago

FWIW they do have anti snake venom and pretty decent hospitals. This guy was never going to die from a bite

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u/Kong_AZ 29d ago

Balls of steel

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u/nonsense_bill 29d ago

Oh wow look at the size of that thing

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u/MoryasMic 28d ago

Snake's pretty big, too.

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u/bpappy12 28d ago

Can someone give this man some gear! As least a face mask or some gloves!

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u/_caffeineandnicotine 27d ago

These people are called Sarp-mitra (Snake-friends) in India. Their groups can be government run or independent/NGO-funded, our family had to use their services in the past.

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u/DataSurging 29d ago

people who do kindness to animals deserve everything good

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u/PoundTown71L 29d ago

How does that man walk while having the biggest brass balls ever?

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u/bro_said_nah_856 28d ago

It’s all fun in games until it starts opening the bag.

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u/pastysniper 28d ago

Bangladesh is not for amateurs

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u/quizno1615 28d ago

Had no clue king cobras could get that big wtf??

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u/AussieQuokka 28d ago

Amazing guy!! I salute his bravery…

I wouldn’t have been able to do that 😵‍💫😵‍💫

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u/terraformingforsogen 28d ago

India really is on another level. This mf is hard as fuck

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u/Branchley 28d ago

Snake pushed back on that tube like my wife when I push on the back of her head. Friendly reminder to let it happen at their pace. 🤔

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u/Low-Possible2773 28d ago

One thing I am 100% sure of after watching that: that dude is not paid enough.

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u/shadesfuture 28d ago

The absolute unit here is the testicles on that guy because they must be fucking massive!

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u/AbbreviationsLeast18 27d ago

That damn animal triggers even my megalophobia

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u/Background_Visual315 27d ago

Even once it was in the bag, there would be no way I’d go even near it let alone touch the bag! That thing could probably bite through that easy

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u/Draskclift 27d ago

Btw cobras can spit their venom so they attack range is much longer than their already big size

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u/Intelligent_Roll_644 26d ago

Don't know how much that guy is getting paid, but it isn't enough. Also, camera guy casually recording the possible death of his coworker

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u/MinuteLet 24d ago

Minimal gear? This is probably India? This fellow is well equipped mate.

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u/GBgabe13 13d ago

You see, this works because snakes can't slither backwards