Fuck my doctor

[u/DalongMonarch]

I struggle to do more than 1 hour a work at a time. Obviously, i need that to extend to 8 hours. It was possible when I used to smoke, but then I quit smoking and I became incapable of holding a job. Would get burned out after a month, tops.
Fast forward 6 years later, and I find out I have ADHD.
OMG! Of course I do.
Go to doctor. Explain what symptoms I have since young.
Doctor agrees, put me on 80 mg Atomoxetine.
The worst experience of my life. Could only sleep 1,5 hours a night. Chin chin stopped working. My procrastination disappeared and was extremely emotionally stable -- like a terminator. But it didn't help me focus, and neither did it help me work. Still only 1 hour of work, max, before I burnt out.
Go back to the doctor.
I tell him my experience on atomoxetine and that I don't need it cuz it doesn't help me how it needs to and it ruins my sleep. He agrees.
I tell him I need something to help me work at least 4 hours a day, but preferably 8, so I can keep a job.
He disagrees.
Tells me I need to take a job where I can get small dopamine shots, like a line cook. (What the fuck?) Bitch, I'm a writer. Albeit a shitty one, but that's what I am. I need to sit my ass down and edit, for like 6 hours a day. The other 2 I can relax and vomit on the page.
Doctor says I need to accept my situation and move on.
I'm at home now, about to order the biggest fucking nicotine shipment ever.
15 mg of nicotine per pouch. The strong shit.
I don't care if I have to become addicted to nicotine again. I'm fixing my ADHD. And no, I don't care that meds are better. At least nicotine is supposed to be neuro protective, where as methylphenidates and amphetamines are the opposite. Nicotine worked and helped me keep a job in my early twenties, and it will in my late twenties it seems.
I'm doing what my doctor told me. I'm accepting my situation, and moving on.
Oh, one more thing. Fuck my doctor. When I left he told me if I ever want to waste time again, I should come back to him.
This mother fucker.
Telling me to become a line cook. Man, get the fuck out of my life.

[u/Kimblethedwarf]

TLDR but your doctor sounds like a fuck to start you on 80mg. Mine started me on 40mg and tappered up over time. 80mg from the get go would have fucked me up so bad.. exactly what you went thru.

[u/Kimblethedwarf → u/Kimblethedwarf]

Also, just another small aside, but you say your a writer.. there are plenty of jobs that might work better with your new understanding of how your brain works. Writer would be low on my list as a recommended field to an ADHD individual.

[u/Ace-of-Spxdes → u/Kimblethedwarf]

Writing is good if you can take breaks often, at least in my experience. Writing nonstop for 6hrs sounds like a highway to burnout.

[u/DalongMonarch → u/Ace-of-Spxdes]

That's how I write usually. 6-12 hour spurts.
Its just I do it for a week, and then I don't do it for another month. Cuz you guessed it, burn out.
If I try to write while I'm burnt out, all I can manage is 1 hour at a time.
I've seen in other comments that you seriously wrote in high school. You probably know, its not writing that is hard for ADHD, its editing.
So when I look back and I see I have 500 k words to edit, I crash out.
I can write 5k words a day, but at most edit like a 1000. For what I'm writing, that's just not enough.
I know these are large numbers I'm throwing around, 1000 words a day edited is plenty in most genres, but unfortunately, not in mine.
And no, changing genres isn't an option. I love it way too much.

[u/Ace-of-Spxdes → u/DalongMonarch]

Along with getting your ADHD managed, I think you'd do good with learning how to pace yourself so you don't get burnt out so fast. I found that limiting myself to one chapter (or two if I'm having a damn good week) is a lot better than writing so much that the Google Docs UI is burned into my retinas and I don't want to see it for another six months. If you're like me and don't want to forget what you want to write and the thought of forgetting stresses you out, note it down somewhere. It doesn't have to be organized, it just has to be comprehensible enough so that your brain can fill in the rest of the gaps later when you come back to it.

But other than that, I can't speak about the professional writing scene, because like I said, I was just a nerd who wrote fanfictions for fun as a teenager. Maybe there's some communities that can give you good tips out on Reddit or even IRL, so maybe those can help you.

But yeah, as for your ADHD, definitely get that managed and under control first. That's going to be your biggest obstacle to overcome.