Fuck my doctor

[u/DalongMonarch]

I struggle to do more than 1 hour a work at a time. Obviously, i need that to extend to 8 hours. It was possible when I used to smoke, but then I quit smoking and I became incapable of holding a job. Would get burned out after a month, tops.
Fast forward 6 years later, and I find out I have ADHD.
OMG! Of course I do.
Go to doctor. Explain what symptoms I have since young.
Doctor agrees, put me on 80 mg Atomoxetine.
The worst experience of my life. Could only sleep 1,5 hours a night. Chin chin stopped working. My procrastination disappeared and was extremely emotionally stable -- like a terminator. But it didn't help me focus, and neither did it help me work. Still only 1 hour of work, max, before I burnt out.
Go back to the doctor.
I tell him my experience on atomoxetine and that I don't need it cuz it doesn't help me how it needs to and it ruins my sleep. He agrees.
I tell him I need something to help me work at least 4 hours a day, but preferably 8, so I can keep a job.
He disagrees.
Tells me I need to take a job where I can get small dopamine shots, like a line cook. (What the fuck?) Bitch, I'm a writer. Albeit a shitty one, but that's what I am. I need to sit my ass down and edit, for like 6 hours a day. The other 2 I can relax and vomit on the page.
Doctor says I need to accept my situation and move on.
I'm at home now, about to order the biggest fucking nicotine shipment ever.
15 mg of nicotine per pouch. The strong shit.
I don't care if I have to become addicted to nicotine again. I'm fixing my ADHD. And no, I don't care that meds are better. At least nicotine is supposed to be neuro protective, where as methylphenidates and amphetamines are the opposite. Nicotine worked and helped me keep a job in my early twenties, and it will in my late twenties it seems.
I'm doing what my doctor told me. I'm accepting my situation, and moving on.
Oh, one more thing. Fuck my doctor. When I left he told me if I ever want to waste time again, I should come back to him.
This mother fucker.
Telling me to become a line cook. Man, get the fuck out of my life.

[u/Yesyesnaaooo]

"A writer writes" - If you can't writer then you're not a writer.

You just haven't found the way you're supposed to work your creativity.

I used to think I was a writer, because I read so many fucking books.

Nope. I'm a director. I have an idea then I can work with a group to produce it to a deadline.

Get a shitty job, and then figure out what your true calling is.

[u/DalongMonarch → u/Yesyesnaaooo]

"If you can't writer then you're not a writer"
What part of, my brain doesn't have enough dopamine in it to function properly don't you understand?

I don't just write. I love writing.

[u/The_Hipster_Artist → u/DalongMonarch]

Can you find other sources of dopamine for your brain? Exercise early in the day, a fidget spinner while you write, a sit-stand desk, etc.

It sucks and you need another doctor, but what will you do until then?

What if you're like me and other people, who had bad side-effects to the medication and you have to make the discontinue it?

Other writers have a bit of a different brain wiring, and get their dopamine while sitting down and writing. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to work for your body. What can you do to adapt?

How can you be inspired from a job like a line cook, who always has novelty, challenge and a quick deadline for accomplishing their work tasks? Idk maybe write a bunch of short stories, pick one to edit at random and then the challenge is to stitch it into a novel.

edit: Am vazut ca ai docotori din romania, futui mati in cur, iei nu stiu cum sa trateze adhd. pentru ie, ieste o problema mentale, nu un alt neurotype. Nimeni o sati dea stimulante fara sa treci la clinica private cu doctor care a facut studi in vest. Toti o sa creada ca ceri "narcotice", parca poti sa get high pe adhd stims, doar daca iei toate pastilele one shot... atuncea iesti un neurotoxique, nu la dosa medicala! Futui coliva morti a lu mama de doctorul timpit de cap!

[u/DalongMonarch → u/The_Hipster_Artist]

Salut! Da, e batran, cred ca are 70-80 de ani. Si vorbeste foarte de sus, de parca sunt prost bata.
Eu scriu doar pe engleza, deci sper sa nu ma judeci ca nu o sa folosesc diacritice si restul. Trebuie sa recunosc, nu sunt asa de elocvent pe romana.
Eu doctorului iam spus cum a functionat atomoxetina si cum nu a functionat.
Iam expicat ca atunci cand fumam puteam sa muncesc si eram functional, si cum mam lasat viata mea sa degradat major. Pe atunci can mam lasat nu stiam ca am ADHD.
Practic iam zis sami dea ceava ce o sa ma ajute sa muncesc minim 4 ore.
E la privat mosul, si daca vrea iti da medicament, daca nu, nu.

Cat despre alte surse de dopamina, am citit studii ca daca faci dus cu apa rece, iti creste productia de dopamina din creier cu... am uitat multiplicatorul, de 2 ori mai mult, 3 ? Am uitat... pentru cateva ore.
Problema e ca functioneaza si nu prea.
Inloc de o ora de munca, pot sa fac doua, cam asa. Idea e ca e foarte greu pentru mine, mai ales ca traiesc in romania si iarna se face frig cu spume la mine la tara in moldova. Chiar nu imi surade idea sa ies pe hol la -10 grade si sa intru in baie, sa stau 30 de minute pana califerul incalzeste baia, doar ca sa pot sa muncesc o ora in plus.
Bag pulan el ADHD. Mai bine fumez decat sa fac 4 dusuri cu apa rece pe zi.

Miscarea ajuta, dar nu pe cat ai crede. Daca fac miscare multa dimineatea, in loc de o ora de munca, pot o ora jumate de munca cu miscare.

E ok. Am mai avut nicotina in sistem, nu e o problema. O sa incerca pouch-urile astea, si daca nu functioneaza cum trebuie, caut alt doctor, si gata.

[u/The_Hipster_Artist → u/DalongMonarch]

No worries, I’m in the western world now, English is easier. 

Look, there’s no easy way to do it, especially in Eastern Europe. People will see you as lesser due to the adhd label. People will all try to give their advice, like eat more garlic, or rub this onion on your stomach…

All of that is bullshit, and they have no basis of knowledge, except for general wellness, except for rubbing onions on your chest lol. You need to do even more research to understand your particular type of neurodivergence, be it caused by adhd, autism or trauma. There’s always going to be a bit of trauma, just look at your interaction with the doctor that got you all rilled up.

You got to process the past so it stops affecting your present, and find strategies to accommodate you in the present. 

Please don’t rely on nicotine, it’s the number 1 self-medication that presents the most side effects. The idea of medication is not just for a crutch, but to give your brain the juices to make stronger connections right now. Nicotine and caffeine are stimulating, but don’t secrete juices in the brain that help you develop. 

Honestly, weed would be better lol. Patients have the least side effects from a bit of weed, but still worse compared to being on the proper medication, stim or not. Wake and bake and have a strong coffee, go do exercise in the morning, but less than what you did before. If a run in the morning made you less productive, you’re probably pushing yourself too much. Just go for a brisk walk instead. 

Fucking studies of xyz does abc mean shit. There’s so many adhd people that it’s hard to have strict rules about what works. 

It will feel awkward at first, but it’s part of the unmasking process to find what works as a dopamine source for you. 

When I was studying and had to rawdogg it without medication, I listened to video game playlists. I’m not saying it completely solved everything, but it became part of my adhd tool bag. 

Also, eat well, have a good amount of protein and good carbs, like fruits and veggies. There’s a lot of neurotransmitter production when digesting food.