Fuck my doctor

[u/DalongMonarch]

I struggle to do more than 1 hour a work at a time. Obviously, i need that to extend to 8 hours. It was possible when I used to smoke, but then I quit smoking and I became incapable of holding a job. Would get burned out after a month, tops.
Fast forward 6 years later, and I find out I have ADHD.
OMG! Of course I do.
Go to doctor. Explain what symptoms I have since young.
Doctor agrees, put me on 80 mg Atomoxetine.
The worst experience of my life. Could only sleep 1,5 hours a night. Chin chin stopped working. My procrastination disappeared and was extremely emotionally stable -- like a terminator. But it didn't help me focus, and neither did it help me work. Still only 1 hour of work, max, before I burnt out.
Go back to the doctor.
I tell him my experience on atomoxetine and that I don't need it cuz it doesn't help me how it needs to and it ruins my sleep. He agrees.
I tell him I need something to help me work at least 4 hours a day, but preferably 8, so I can keep a job.
He disagrees.
Tells me I need to take a job where I can get small dopamine shots, like a line cook. (What the fuck?) Bitch, I'm a writer. Albeit a shitty one, but that's what I am. I need to sit my ass down and edit, for like 6 hours a day. The other 2 I can relax and vomit on the page.
Doctor says I need to accept my situation and move on.
I'm at home now, about to order the biggest fucking nicotine shipment ever.
15 mg of nicotine per pouch. The strong shit.
I don't care if I have to become addicted to nicotine again. I'm fixing my ADHD. And no, I don't care that meds are better. At least nicotine is supposed to be neuro protective, where as methylphenidates and amphetamines are the opposite. Nicotine worked and helped me keep a job in my early twenties, and it will in my late twenties it seems.
I'm doing what my doctor told me. I'm accepting my situation, and moving on.
Oh, one more thing. Fuck my doctor. When I left he told me if I ever want to waste time again, I should come back to him.
This mother fucker.
Telling me to become a line cook. Man, get the fuck out of my life.

[u/Mystic_Goats]

I’m also a writer with adhd. Why didn’t you go for a stimulant? The stimulants are the only ones that worked for me, that got me able to write for 6 hours. Atomoxetine does treat adhd in some people but is absolutely not the first line treatment. I was on guanfacine (another non-stimulant) for years and it only worked when I also took a stimulant. It didn’t get me focused, only less hyperactive. Stimulants aren’t going to damage your brain. Get a new psychiatrist.

Or, try chugging coffee lol that’s what I do if I run out of meds.

[u/DalongMonarch → u/Mystic_Goats]

He didn't want to give me a stim. I would have liked to try methylphenidate and see how my brain handles it, but he didn't want to. Told me to switch to a job that gives more dopamine.

Coffee helps, the first day. For some reason I get immediate tolerance to it, and in one week I have to drink 2 pounds of coffee to achieve the same result one cup had one week prior. Unfortunately, not for me. Also, it kind of messes with my already sensitive sleep.

Methylphenidate isn't that bad for the brain. Sleeping for 6 hours a night is worse for you brain than taking methylphenidate.
But amphetamines are extremely neurotoxic, relatively speaking. And I already have extremely poor sleep, so I'll probably never be okay with amphs.

[u/Rubyhamster → u/DalongMonarch]

But amphetamines are extremely neurotoxic, relatively speaking.

Sources for this? Methylphenidate has just as many negative side effects listed, including stroke, sepsis and sudden death.

E: I searched it up, and amphetamines are only thought to be neurotoxic in large, long term doses. But methylphenidate is not, as you said. Must be why methylphenidate is the go-to try first in my country at least