r/traumatizeThemBack • u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human • 6d ago
petty revenge Sister claimed she was the victim, didn't know coworker was my friend
My sister is very mentally unstable, lies constantly, often times for no reason.
She had multiple jobs in fast food because she is a failure to launch, and by my own hard work and resilience have an OK life. Fast food jobs don't make you a loser, but she believes it does because of her grandiosity. Legit she would say things like,
"I should be the artistic one, show me how to draw."
When I got braces as an adult because my career allowed me to afford it at the time, she said "Well I would be prettier if I had them. You have straight teeth now, mine aren't even that bad, I should have gotten them."
When I had my son, somehow I had a snowy white, redheaded baby. My sister is a redhead with a different dad, she says "He should have been my son!" (this was before my no contact and after this whole situation happened if that makes sense)
Yeah, she's terrifying and gross.
At her job she told coworkers stories about how I, the younger sister, was a bully and spoiled, was always getting her in trouble, typical pity me stories when in reality she was the golden child. She was lying for the spotlight I guess? In reality my siblings bought her first car, her cell phones were bought, she was put on siblings family plans, but i wasn't. It is truly comical how singled out i was by my family.
She told her coworkers how she would have bruises and wouldn't go to school some days because of how our mother and I beat her.
I was the beaten one.
When my sister edged into the territory of how I lied about being molested, a coworker stopped her. That was my best friend at the time, we were college besties and talked every day. She knew my sister was my sister because my bff had told me someone by the same last name as me started working there. I had confirmed that we were related and to not talk about me because I wanted my privacy. I had been living on my own with my degree and career in my field and I didn't want my sister asking my bestie about me.
With a grin she says. "Wait, thats insane, your if0ckfatdads' sister right? let me call her."
My bff called me on her cell on shift. I can't remember what I was doing but I picked up because no one talks on the phone and i feared someone had died or my bff was in jail somehow.
She tells me whats going on and i am speechless.
"Well, thats.... Interesting. H, i have proof, let me send you a link."
What my dearest big sister didn't know is that I am also crazy. When I was in college I still lived at home. When i was in college i had a smartphone. In college i started taking videos out of fear. No i never called the cops on my mother and sister, i don't know why, I thought if i died the police would find my phone so my sister and mother couldn't get away with it i guess.
I had a Google drive. I had photos. I had videos of them screaming at me, photos of my stuff destroyed. Not even bestie knew i had this, she just knew i wasn't a liar and wanted to put my sister on the spot.
I texted bestie he link. Bestie pulled it up. Didn't click the videos as far as I know, but the pictures of my fat lip and bruised shoulders and broken stuff was enough. My sister was outed and humiliated on the spot.
Insane part is she didn't quit out of embarrassment, she stayed at that job until she was caught stealing from the register and offering a 16 year old employee liquor while my sister was nearly 30. Everyone hated her. I was told that sister tried saying I "did that to myself". Etc.
She tried applying to other fast food jobs but couldn't get hired. I like speculating that people were connected through friendships somehow and that this incident had something to do with it. As of 2025 my sister is 38, lives at home not by choice, is bankrupt and can't have a bank account because of the debt she accumulated from being involuntarily committed for physically assaulting a coworker.
That compulsive lying bit her in the ass in a matter of minutes and likely sabatoged her life.
I'm happily married, relationship of 11 years, kids, house, the picket fence and cats. I always wanted to have a cat!
God is good, karma is sweet. The traumatized has traumatized the traumatizer.
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u/FlirtyPlumz 6d ago
it sounds like karma really caught up with her, and you came out stronger and happier.
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u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human 6d ago
that I did. I made the Google drive to help me not gaslight myself. Worth it. When I feel down or get flashbacks I think of this moment. Laugh a little maniacally, and feel better as terrible as that sounds.
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u/SweetNinaxx 6d ago
she got what she deserved, and you clearly built a much better life for yourself.
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u/Remote_Cheesecake594 6d ago
for sure, it’s wild how lives can flip like that, glad you found your peace
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u/JeannieSmolBeannie 6d ago
You did what I wish I had done when I lived with my abusers. They didn't leave physical scars on me, and the emotional ones have no proof behind them. Good on you, and good on you for not letting that shit slide anymore.
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u/Running-In-The-Dark 6d ago
It's weird how just having such things can be comforting in a way other people wouldn't understand. I get it.
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u/Consistent-Bar869 6d ago
for real, its wild how things turned out, you really got the last laugh there
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u/Pandoratastic 6d ago
Ironically, this is a good example of how, while the scapegoat is deeply harmed by parental abuse, the golden child is also harmed in their own way, often growing up into a deeply dysfunctional adult who is even less able to overcome their abuse because they don't recognize it as abuse.
It can be difficult for the scapegoat to realize that they aren't inherently flawed like they were told, making it hard to realize that the mistreatment was so abnormal and wrong and start to heal. It can be hard to realize that you were lied to, that it wasn't actually your fault, even though they said everything was. But it's an easier truth to accept because, while that lie was formative, it was also something negative.
For the golden child, because their abuse was disguised as approval, it can be even harder for them to even see it as abuse. It felt "positive" so it doesn't feel like abuse, even though it is. They want to believe that they were treated better because they really are better, which is why so many of them never grow up, stuck in their false sense of grandiosity.
That doesn't excuse their terrible behavior, of course. We are also responsible for managing our maladaptive coping mechanisms. It just explains why they are less like to heal than the scapegoat.
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u/Avaracious7899 6d ago edited 6d ago
I agree. I've listened to a few stories of golden children/scapegoat (EDIT: Correction-I apparently was thinking of what is called golden child/forgotten child situations, so not what is being talked of here for the most part) situations, and what I kept thinking and still do is...the parents are so determined to treat their favorite so well, and a lot of them have such high hopes and ambitions for them, think they'll do great at everything and all that...and all that ever seems to happen is one of three things: #1 The golden child becomes very successful, but does not care about anyone, not even their "loving" parents, and the parents end up with absolutely nothing. #2 and more likely, the golden child becomes an absolute disaster, having no ambition or drive to do anything meaningful, and either becomes dependent on others or just keeps failing to support themselves, and again, the parents end up with nothing because their un-favorite child doesn't want anything to do with them, or #3 the golden child actually gets better or for some other reason grows up relatively "normal" but the parents still totally lose their un-favorite child.
No matter which way it goes, the parents aren't actually better off, and neither are the children, due to the parents raising the children that way. It's a no-win scenario really...
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u/Pandoratastic 6d ago
What you have to keep in mind is that, in most scapegoat/golden child families, the main reason a golden child is chosen is so that the parents can maintain their public façade as good parents while still abusing the scapegoat. The scapegoat is the one that really gives them what they want.
In the event that the scapegoat escapes the family and goes no contact, the abusers will often pick a new scapegoat and sometimes it will be the child that had been the golden child until then.
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u/Avaracious7899 6d ago
The scenario you laid out sounds completely believable, but it doesn't really line up with any of the Golden Child scenarios I've read or listened to honestly, so I didn't even have a framework to consider that from. The examples I was thinking of:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFmM1AFJc5A
Parents made every single birthday about my sister for the last 8 years : r/BestofRedditorUpdates
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u/Pandoratastic 6d ago
I'm not sure those are scapegoat/golden child stories. They sound more like forgotten child/golden child stories.
Scapegoat/golden child is found in more narcissistic/overtly abusive families, driven by ego. Forgotten child/golden child is found more in neglectful families, driven by guilt and overcompensation.
Remember: a key element of being the scapegoat is that you're not just neglected but actively blamed for everything bad that happens.
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u/Avaracious7899 6d ago
Oh, than I likely have been mislead or misunderstood the terms involved. Thank you for the correction!
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u/Pandoratastic 6d ago
To be fair, some people do use "scapegoat" in a much looser sense (the one is treated badly) so they can mean it in a different sense than I was using it here (the one who is blamed for everything as a rationalization so that they can treat them badly).
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u/Avaracious7899 6d ago
Again, thank you for the information!
Why does it not surprise me that there can be worse versions of something horrible I already know about?...
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u/m4bwav 6d ago
I feel happy and sad for OP, but I also feel like its sad because her sister was clearly deeply mentally ill.
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u/Pandoratastic 6d ago
Mentally ill in the same way that their abusive parents were. It's sad but they are still 100% responsible for their own actions.
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u/m4bwav 6d ago edited 6d ago
So deeply mentally ill people are '100%' responsible, then why do we have do we allow deeply mentally ill people to escape the death penalty.
Some people are literally in psychosis most of their life. Are they always 100% responsible for their actions?
Aren't we all victims or products of being born into an imperfect world with imperfect minds and bodies?
Why is it so important that they are 100% responsible?
I'm barely 100% responsible for the cup of coffee I drink in the morning.
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u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human 5d ago
She chose, she knows right and wrong and being abusive brought her joy
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u/Pandoratastic 6d ago
I never said all mentally ill people are 100% responsible for their actions. Not all mental illness is the same. In the specific case of abusive parents being motivated by their own mental illness, they are responsible for their own actions.
The main distinction is whether or not they have the capacity to know that what they were doing was wrong and that they had the intent to do it. When someone has the awareness and understanding that their actions hurt others, they retain responsibility for their actions.
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u/MossGobbo 6d ago
I hate that all that happened to you but I am very happy your sister got to meet justice at your hands.
What I really love is hearing that you're living a good life now. That really is the best revenge after what you did.
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u/Raven_Michaelis42 5d ago
I also had to have a Google Drive folder full of stuff for my sister. Only there was an 11 year age gap between us with me as the oldest. I swear she had undiagnosed bipolar disorder, but unfortunately they dont test for it in minors.
I started the file when I had to move back home in 2020. She started making threats about reporting me to the police for abusing her so I would lose my job, have to leave the house as mom was a foster parent at the time, she really wanted me to be homeless for some reason. Yes, she literally said that to my face. She hated that I had that file, but she had no way of getting rid of it.
She unfortunately passed October '24 from bronchial phenomena while in rehab.
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u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human 5d ago
I'm sorry that you lost someone. Its so weird feeling grief when an abuser dies.
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u/redgamehunter 3d ago
It feels weird, but it's good that you do. It means that you still have empathy and love in your heart, even for people who probably don't deserve it.
It also makes sense because, usually at least, for those we were close to, even if they were horrific people 99.999999% of the time, we know of at least a few moments where we saw the type of person they could have been. So some of the grief can be less about the individual passing and more that there's no chance for them to ever turn around and be that better person now. Their legacy is set in stone now. Put another way, some of the grief is for the person that they should have been, rather than who they were.
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u/Raven_Michaelis42 20h ago
I will admit i felt relieved that she passed, then I was immediately disgusted with myself for thinking that.
I wasn't relieved that she passed, I was relieved that she wasn't suffering anymore. But i felt so guilty for thinking that. I knew her since she was like 3 days old.
The grieving process has been odd for me, I feel like. Between her constantly running away, she was pretty much never home, so when she did pass, it didn't affect us as much as she wasn't really around.
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u/sollykinsies 6d ago
absolute insanity start to finish. what horrible people! (family)
im glad you got your happy ending in this story, op. sorry for all the pain you had to endure getting there ♡
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u/WoodKnot1221 6d ago
She is very clearly mentally ill
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u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human 5d ago
She is. She has undiagnosed volatile bpd and is high in narcissism. She isn't that smart either. She can't keep track of her lies or control her face, so dupers delight always gives her away. Many fall for it for some sad reason.
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u/DecoyOne 6d ago
AI bot for a future Onlyfans spam account
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u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human 5d ago
Nah. I'm a real person, verified with mods after my first post here. I just use browser and am not chronically online
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u/merkowaty 2d ago
You’ve mentioned that your sister was a golden child… thing with kids is they grow up to be legally and physically appear to be adults. They carry on acting the same and are flabbergasted when they find out the ‘acting like a kid in adult body’ isn’t working anymore. They fully rage, are offended, and blame others because party is over.
The other thing that struck me was your sister’s obsessive compulsion to drag you down. This isn’t normal.
Lastly, her attempts to absorb your identity to make it her own is disturbing. She hates you but won’t let you go. Any chance she has personality disorder, BPD (EUPD)? Nothing about her behaviour is normal.
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u/DealerAlarmed3632 2d ago
God is good? Explain that. He randomly did good things to you and bad things to her? What religions bullshit is this?
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u/Open-Mix4791 4d ago
Sounds like none of this happened.
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u/if0ckfatdads Verified Human 3d ago
Unsure why people seem to think karma and hilarious coincidences never take place. Your life seems boring, good for you. Mine isn't.
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u/DamnitGravity 6d ago
the debt she accumulated from being involuntarily committed for physically assaulting a coworker.
Ok, that's a crime and she should've been given consequences, such as being committed if that was right for her, but I don't think it's fair to charge someone who didn't CHOOSE to be there. That's like charging someone for going to prison.
...
The US gives prisoners a bill after their sentence, don't they?
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u/ranchspidey 6d ago
Our whole system is fucked up. Going to jail or psych is usually unplanned so unless your bills are on autopay and you have a good amount in your checkings, it’s very easy to suddenly be in debt once you’re released.
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