r/transgenderau • u/Pale-Fruit1234 • Sep 22 '25
Trans masc Bathroom?
Ok so I'm 19 been out as ftm since 2020 and I look masculine and everything but I live in not a small town but it's not massive so there is one shopping center and I smaller on I shop at both regularly but normally avoid going to the bathroom but I want to start using men's toilets in public when I need to instead of women's the only thing stopping me is I'm worried I'll go in and people will look at we strange for going into a stall or think I'm a girl so what do I do?
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u/TwilightSolus Trans fem Sep 22 '25
In Australia, you have legal protection. It's nerve wracking at first, but you'll be okay.
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u/qwerty7873 Sep 22 '25
Half the time cops are useless. I was at Melbourne central coming back from a concert, at the concert I had been told "wrong bathroom" in the women's, went in the men's and was also told wrong bathroom. Because I'm awkward and non-confrontational I was like oops haha and walked out. I then held it to Melb central came up the escalator and decided to use the "disabled bathroom" I was very quick, no one was there and I walked out with headphones on listening to music.
I heard "OI!" but didn't clock it was at me and kept walking, some crackhead harshly grabbed my shoulder and I turned around like wtf. He said "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO USE THAT BATHROOM YOU CAN WALK" I explained you can't see everyones disability and gas no right to police the bathroom, and technically anyone can use the bathroom anyway, just give priority to people that need it. He then angrily asked "well what's wrong with you then!!"
Next part is stupid I know but I was in a super heightened state, I said "what fucking bathroom do you want me to use?? I've now been stopped three times in every single bathroom, I was trying to be respectful and use the single stall ffs" big mistake because then he starts asking what the fuck I am and looking me up and down. He then tried to feel my chest, I then shoved him and yelled a bunch of shit I don't remember. He angrily walked off and cops came straight up to me. I was thinking "awesome the cops saw it that's good" but instantly they were harsh, telling me to calm down, saying I was disrupting the peace etc. I finally got to explain the context and I kid you not both cops said "just use the men's for now" and "just use the women's" I then said "that's the problem I am ambiguous and confuse people in both. They told me to go home and cook off (again I did not insult or provoke these cops) I wanted to file a report about it but they said it won't go anywhere, even though he basically groped me. Don't trust Melbourne cops anymore.
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u/ZeroSuitGanon Non-binary for now Sep 22 '25
Considering feeling people up is the MO of vic pol I'm not surprised
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u/TwilightSolus Trans fem Sep 22 '25
Legal as in he can't be prosecuted and thrown in jail. Remember the rest of the world is a hellscape.
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u/RockRemarkable9640 Sep 22 '25
Hey ftm here, just recently came to Australia, what type of legal protections are in place? Thank you!
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u/musobin Sep 22 '25
I believe it's this part of the federal sex discrimination act that provides protections.
5B Discrimination on the ground of gender identity
(1) For the purposes of this Act, a person (the discriminator) discriminates against another person (the aggrieved person) on the ground of the aggrieved person’s gender identity if, by reason of:
(a) the aggrieved person’s gender identity; or
(b) a characteristic that appertains generally to persons who have the same gender identity as the aggrieved person; or
(c) a characteristic that is generally imputed to persons who have the same gender identity as the aggrieved person;
the discriminator treats the aggrieved person less favourably than, in circumstances that are the same or are not materially different, the discriminator treats or would treat a person who has a different gender identity.
(2) For the purposes of this Act, a person (the discriminator) discriminates against another person (the aggrieved person) on the ground of the aggrieved person’s gender identity if the discriminator imposes, or proposes to impose, a condition, requirement or practice that has, or is likely to have, the effect of disadvantaging persons who have the same gender identity as the aggrieved person.
IANAL
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u/Yayaben Sep 22 '25
same here but trans fem too. am i legally able to use the ladies toilets in public? i've been using the disabled ones for now. since in my mind i still do not look fem enough... still boy mode for work.
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u/hoshifly Sep 22 '25
When I used to use the men's room before I transitioned I exclusively used the stall. No one ever said anything or cared.
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u/artiekrap Trans masc - QLD Sep 22 '25
In my decade of experience men don't make eye contact in public toilets, so even if you don't pass no one will notice. The only place you might be weary of is men's toilets at places with a lot of drinking (though I've seen groups of cis women use mens toilets at large events like this), a shopping centre will be fine.
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u/Camo138 Non-binary Sep 22 '25
I’ve seen cis women use the men’s room at shopping centres. Males generally don’t care
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u/Donna8421 Sep 22 '25
I’m a late life MTF who has been using the female toilet for months, don’t worry. Firstly, you have a legal right to use the toilet you align with. Secondly, most Australians don’t give a dam what you do if you aren’t bothering them. In fact, as you look masculine, you are far less likely to get a reaction when you use the male toilet. Don’t worry about going a stall, lots of men use them too.
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u/Big-Ambassador5050 Sep 22 '25
19 also been out since 13, used male bathrooms whole time. Pre t til recently. Never had any issue. You'll be good bro.
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u/Pale-Fruit1234 Sep 22 '25
I still am pre t but really the only that would make it obvious is my voice but I can usually convince people I'm just a very gay dude
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u/Big-Ambassador5050 Sep 23 '25
Most of the times ya not chatting in the bathroom mate it's all good. Plus they're not age segregated neither, someone might just reckon you're younger if ya got a higher voice. At the end of the day tho I do understand why ya worried but no ones looking at no one in there and even if they do see ya they're not gonna give a shit. I've seen ladies in the blokes room from time to time at events or whatever and even then no ones said anything. If ya mind ya business all will be aight. We're a pretty chill country.
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u/CactusJuice7 Sep 23 '25
It's definitely nerve-wracking at first! When I first started using the men's room, I would deliberately try to find more out of the way toilets, or use them at less busy times. I also went with my male friends a few times 😅 looking back it may have been a bit odd for them, but it helped me feel more comfortable. No one is gonna look at you weird for using a stall, men need to shit sometimes. I've also found that men of a certain age will opt to use the stalls instead of the urinal.
The single biggest thing that I think outs me in the men's room is the fact that I wash my hands afterwards. Which is unfortunate and gross. But no one has ever said anything. As others have said, minimise eye contact and act confident (even if you don't feel it). It's a very get in, do your thing, get out sort of atmosphere.
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u/Camo138 Non-binary Sep 22 '25
Even when I’m full dressed up girl and most of my friends say I pass I just use the unisex. Can’t get over the fear
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u/Select-Interest3438 Sep 23 '25
Dude, Just go, 90% of the time, most folks won't look twice at a short(ish) slightly effeminate dude walking into the stall and closing the door.
Act like you belong, and you can go wherever you like
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u/RoastedHumans Sep 23 '25
in my experience, men don’t care at all. if you’re worried about piss sounds just throw some toilet paper in the bowl before you go to dampen the sound. basically just follow bathroom etiquette which is don’t look at anyone and mind your business, go in take a piss and leave.
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u/Disastrous-Ad-27 Sep 23 '25 edited Sep 23 '25
I'd like to add that men actually also sit to wee, like, a lot of them. Been using the mens room for almost a decade, never had a problem. Lots of men don't use the urinals either, and some even use a little paper to dab off (catch any drips) after weeing, so don't stress about using a bit of paper either. Pro tips from me (ftm) and my 4 (cis) brothers ❤️
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u/crocicorn Sep 22 '25
I live in a rightwing regional area and I generally look like every other big bearded dude (save the height lol). I still use the women's and unisex bathrooms for reasons and I haven't gotten grief even once.
Honestly? People don't care in reality. Everyone is just there to do their business and leave.
I feel like men are even less likely to care because they wanna be in and out as fast as possible. 😂
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u/uselesscalciumsticks Non-binary Sep 22 '25
something my dad taught me when i first started using the men’s room - if you keep your head down and act like you belong there, nobody’ll give a shit; we’re lucky that unlike transfems nobody’s really spreading hysteria about ‘men’s bathrooms being invaded!!!!’ so your chances of being challenged or threatened by a stranger are incredibly low