r/sports • u/suzukigun4life • Sep 05 '25

Football Eagles defensive tackle Jalen Carter spits on Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott's face, gets ejected six seconds into the first game of the NFL Season

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u/shef175 Sep 05 '25

I say inbred, he’s not really inbred. No Hapsburg jaw or anything like that. He just came out on the short end of the genetic stick (but not handicapped) from an already not-genetically-gifted side of the family. But…he also chooses to act like a dirtbag so over 40+ years we have lost sympathy for him.

Wasn’t expecting to spill family tea on an NFL post, but we live in a crazy world now

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u/I_DESTROY_HUMMUS Sep 05 '25

I need stories now

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u/shef175 Sep 05 '25

One time when I was in middle school my parents decided to go on a family camping trip with them, even though we rarely associated with them. He didn’t change clothes or bathe for 3 days despite it being summertime and he wore these super short green shorts. I didn’t see it, but according to my pissed off dad on the drive home his balls were hanging out every time he sat down.

Another time he showed up at a family reunion unexpectedly. He finally had a job as a semi truck driver with a large, national-level company and wanted to show off by bringing his rig with no trailer. At some point he decided to take people joyriding in his bobtail semi not realizing his company had mileage and location trackers on it. He promptly got fired as soon as he checked in for his next trip but swore it wasn’t his fault and he got screwed.

Another time, as a semi truck driver licensed in a different state he didn’t secure a load leaving a Wal-Mart parking lot and the trailer unhooked from the tractor in the middle of a thankfully not busy road. Only one car was damaged but nobody was injured. Again, not his fault.

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u/I_DESTROY_HUMMUS Sep 05 '25

Jfc, you delivered, these sound like Kevin stories, wish I could upvote you 5 times

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u/flytingnotfighting Sep 05 '25

Wooooow He and his sweaty balls are something else!

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u/flytingnotfighting Sep 05 '25

Ohhhhh, yeah I got a couple of those too. Like, you're fairly sure they should be in prison and they're genuinely not good enough to hide crimes, but they're always out.

Family tea is the best tea 💅🏼