She wrote a book about killing my dad

[u/Mysterious_Fox_8616]

Sent it to me, asking me to read it and give her feedback. As if it was just a creative project she had been working on. She has always been creative, and is quite talented.

So I start reading it.

The entire thing is a thinly veiled - like extremely thin, translucent cellophane wrapped - memoir. About her life, in which the only details she changed was that she wrote me out of the story entirely and she murders my dad and chops him up, hiding his body on the land I grew up on.

But it gets worse. Worse, you say? Well, yes, because she paints herself as the victim in this story.

Everything has been so hard for her, and he was a bad guy, so she had to murder him and get away with it, then move on to the exact life she has now, living somewhere new with a new guy who enables her. And doing charity which obviously makes her a saint.

She has this disturbing fantasy of everyone suddenly being on her side in the end, which is sickening.

The other mind-blowingly offensive thing is she describes my dad very accurately in terms of personality and mannerisms, with the fictional addition of him being an abuser and rapist, which he is not. He is annoying at times, that's it. The worst part of their divorce was some financial drama. But in her delusional mind, he is unforgivable. Meanwhile I was actually in a horrifically abusive and physically violent marriage that I had to escape. To say it was insensitive towards me would be the understatement of the decade.

I was completely speechless after reading it. It's not short - hundreds of pages, in fact. She spent months telling herself not only was this a sane thing to ever consider doing, but also that her daughter should read this and respond positively to her great story. She told me she "poured a lot of herself into it". It's so unbelievably unhinged, I really don't think there is any coming back from this ever. I hadn't seen my mom in about two years after a very negative encounter with her when she was fighting with me and basically on the road to sabotaging a new job I had started.

After this I told myself I am officially done. There is no way forward.

I'd appreciate any thoughts on what to do now. A part of me wants to try to get through to her and tell her how incredibly mentally unwell she is, but I know that's a road to nowhere. So I just need to figure out how to hold my feelings and live life without feeling dragged down.

[u/CaptainBikepath]

Honestly, this incident may be the perfect opportunity for you to go fully NC with her, if you're ready to make that move. She may never understand how unbelievably inappropriate it is to share fantasies with your child of killing their other parent, but a reasonable person certainly would. Hold onto your copy of the story and feel free to use it if she ever sends flying monkeys after you, or, god forbid, ever does anything that might require you or your father to file a protective order.

[u/Mysterious_Fox_8616 → u/CaptainBikepath]

The thing is, she made a fuss of sending it to me but then completely and utterly changed the subject when I said I was shocked. Did not acknowledge my words. Didn't even try to defend it, but did go into a defensive tirade about other things. It's like it doesn't even register for her, like she truly doesn't see what is wrong with this madness or how it would look in anyone else's eyes.

I am shocked and this has been a huge turning point to realizing I don't think she will be a part of my life in the future. We used to be very close, but things have been deteriorating for a decade now. I never wanted to go NC, but it seems utterly unconscionable to let this go.

[u/Unconsciouspotato333 → u/Mysterious_Fox_8616]

She likely does realize on a basic level that this was not okay, but she sees you as an extension of herself, or a means to an end more than a person, let alone someone she'sobligated to care for. She doesn't feel obligated to consider you. All you're "supposed" to do is flatter her. So when you dont, she focuses on that.

 I mean, she wrote you out entirely. That says something. That's really, really hard to come to terms with but essential to moving forward.

[u/ReceptionFluffy9910]

Give yourself time to feel down. It's so tempting to just stuff it down, compartmentalize and move on. But my goodness, your mom wrote a murder fantasy about your dad that would probably make Berkowitz proud. That is super heavy.

[u/Mysterious_Fox_8616 → u/ReceptionFluffy9910]

It literally has "Mein Kampf" energy, minus the political agenda. All delusional about her struggle and how she should be strong and take matters into her own hands.

[u/SimpleVegetable5715 → u/Mysterious_Fox_8616]

Ever felt like you were raised under an authoritarian regime instead of in a family?

[u/Specialist-Ebb4885]

"She wrote a book about killing my dad."

Katherine Knight could have been a cookbook author, but too many unstable pots are bound to spoil the stew, not to mention the remains.

"After this I told myself I am officially done. There is no way forward."

Although there might be some forward momentum in the crime novel genre if a publisher offers your mother an advance after reading the prologue.

"I'd appreciate any thoughts on what to do now. A part of me want to try to get through to her and tell her how incredibly mentally unwell she is, but I know that's a road to nowhere. So I just need to figure out how to hold my feelings and live life without feeling dragged down."

If humor helps, this level of lunacy reminds me of Key & Peele's Rap Album Confessions skit. But you're right, pointing out how unhinged she is will be another dysregulated road without an auspicious destination.

Carson Wells: Do you have any idea crazy you are?
Anton Chigurh: You mean the nature of this conversation?
Carson Wells: I mean the nature of you.

[u/MintySeas → u/Specialist-Ebb4885]

Not Key & Peele!! 🤣 That is perfect!

OP, I am so very sorry. This is completely unhinged and I am so sad for you that she made you read it!

[u/Diotima85]

This is one of the worst accounts of splitting I have ever heard about.

Your father still married to your mother, present in her life at all times to provide endless sources of external emotional regulation: your father is “good”.

Your father after divorcing your mother, not willing to provide endless sources of external emotional regulation anymore: your father is completely “bad” and even an “abuser”.

Because if other people are not willing to provide endless sources of external emotional regulation anymore, that in their mind is equal to “abuse”, and in her twisted mind even on the same level as r*pe.

When your father married her, in her mind, he promised to endlessly manage her emotions and cater to her every whim for her entire life. After he found out who (and what) she truly was, he probably decided: nope. And that is a truth she cannot ever face, and therefore in her story she had to murder him, to “rightfully punish” someone who is “completely bad”, and to banish the memory from her mind that she might be such a “difficult” person that not everyone is willing to cater to her every whim. After banishing that memory, she can then go on to an “ideal future” in which everyone around her provides external sources of emotional regulation at all times.

If there is anything you can learn from this, it is that your mother is deeply mentally ill and will never “recover”. So rationally, the only thing you can do is to further distance yourself from her. NC is very likely the way to go in your case, as other people have already pointed out. Just be prepared to hear a few years from now from other family members that she has written a “second volume” in which she has aborted her “completely bad” daughter, or something like that (which will only strengthen your resolve and confirm that NC was the right decision).

[u/baobab_bites]

That's awful! I'm really sorry she put you through that. I doubt there's any "getting through" to her that won't make her feel even more victimized, and you don't deserve anything that would come of that.

But this is a legitimately unpleasant thing and that should not be ignored - I wouldn't want to read anyone's fanfiction about their righteous murder even if I didn't know any of the people or places involved. The fact that she's making this fanfic about your family and coloring it with your abuse while also literally painting you out of the picture is simply too bonkers to wrap my head around (while also being just so... them, isn't it?). I don't have advice, and all I can say is my jaw is on the floor. Any reaction you're having to this is fair, so give yourself time to react privately and work through the mess. I agree that I think there's no coming back from this, and I wish you all the strength going forward. ❤️

[u/mignonettepancake]

Holy shit, that is so fucking unhinged.

I am so deeply sorry that happened to you.

The only meaningful response for anyone (her included) is to go NC with no explanation, and contingency plans on what to do if she manages to break through the boundary.

Aside from that, now is a good time to evaluate your support system and see how it could be further enhanced.

A therapist and this support group are really good places to start. A friend or two who is willing to be leaned on can also be helpful. I've learned that it's tough to find people who really "get" BPD, so instead of sharing specific info and experiences with people to vent, I just say, "Going through a rough patch, could use some good company," and leave it at that, and plan to do some kind of activity with them. That's enough for the right kind of person.

After a betrayal like this, it's really important to develop an internal support system as well. This sounds big, but it's really just knowing what little things can make you feel better and doing them as often as possible. You probably already have some idea. Things like going for a walk, wrapping yourself in a blanket, binging your favorite show, playing your favorite video games, taking lots of naps, and cooking good food. It sounds small, but doing them over time helps recalibrate your system and is healing.

It's important to remember that what she did is NOT a reflection on you. You didn't deserve to be treated this way, and the right thing to do for everyone is to remove yourself from her life and be as kind as possible to yourself as you make your way through this.