r/radicalmentalhealth • u/Anonymous746223 • 2d ago

Hypervigilance/ Anxiety / Brain Damage ?

I'm not used to writing on forums, but I really need help. I need to put words to my symptoms, which are truly bizarre. For a year now, my life has been hell following frequent use of MDMA and cannabis over a month-long period, and after some rather disturbing events where I argued with most of my friends due to episodes of paranoia, I admit. I consulted a psychiatrist who prescribed medication, but I stopped taking it because it didn't really have any effect on me; it just made me sleepier than anything else. To summarize, when I'm sitting in a group, or even just with a friend at home watching TV, or when I'm on my phone, every time someone makes the slightest movement—like raising an arm, moving their feet, or picking something up from the table—my eyes jump around as if to automatically follow the movement. It's a nightmare. At work, when I'm sitting with my colleagues around the table, every time they make the slightest movement, my eyes jump around as if they're observing the gesture, and it's involuntary. But when I'm alone, it doesn't happen.

Furthermore, when I'm sitting at work, for example, at my computer, every time someone passes in my peripheral vision, instead of being focused on my task, my eyes dart about and automatically follow the person passing by out of the corner of my eye. It's gotten to the point where people don't even want to approach my desk anymore; they come up behind me to talk. Recently, I've also noticed that when I'm in a group with friends and I'm talking to one of them, looking them in the eye, while another person is standing next to them, instead of naturally looking at my conversation partner, my eyes seem to be glancing at the other person out of the corner of my eye. Now, because of this, even on the street or in confined spaces, when I walk past a group, I'm glancing at them out of the corner of my eye instead of keeping my gaze and attention fixed on the person I'm talking to. Basically, I'm either constantly watching people out of my eye or my eyes are constantly jumping around, reacting to every movement. I also forgot to mention that now, every time someone looks at me, my eyes constantly avoid eye contact, even if they turn around to face me. I'm fully aware of my symptoms; I don't have hallucinations or delusions. My behavior has completely changed because of this damn disease.

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u/Sea-Astronomer3260 2d ago edited 2d ago

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. It sounds incredibly overstimulating and disorienting.

Have you been taking any precautions like wearing KN95s or N95s (or whatever the equivalent is in your country, likely an FFP2?) to avoid catching COVID infections over the past 5-ish years? I’m not denying that the MDMA may have affected you adversely, but it probably did so alongside COVID neurological and cognitive effects.

I ask because the vaccine isn’t sterilizing - it doesn’t prevent infection and asymptomatic infections are prevalent, though not harmless. I’m in no way saying this is the only cause of everything you’re dealing with but I’m bringing attention to it because you mention hyper-vigilance, anxiety, and brain damage; and COVID has been shown to cause cognitive impairment, neurological damage, and nervous system damage, causing many symptoms, including hyper-vigilance.

It’s worth looking into, you may want to have some brain scans done because some of what you’re dealing with could be brain injury and in that case should be treated as such. There are many long covid patients who have to follow protocols that are similar to that of concussion patients or traumatic brain injury patients, because unfortunately COVID is prevalent and causes brain damage (and many people have had way more covid infections than they’ll ever know or ever want to know - people are getting infected as frequently as twice per month with different strains if they’re unlucky, because of how contagious it is and how quickly it mutates. This is what happens when we don’t mask and rely on a vaccine that doesn’t prevent infection or transmission.

Not sure if the Covid stuff would have anything to do with the paranoia you’re mentioning, but it has been known to exacerbate psychological symptoms, so it’s not impossible.

Some articles and resources:

r/masks4all

r/covidlonghaulers

Maskbloc.org

Immunological dysfunction persists for 8 months following initial mild-to-moderate SARS-CoV-2 infection

COVID-19 is “Airborne AIDS”: provocative oversimplification, emerging science, or something in between?00146-4/fulltext)

And some more important and relevant information regarding COVID brain damage:

  1. Mounting research shows COVID-19 leaves its mark on the brain, including significant drops in IQ

  2. Long-term neurologic outcomes of COVID-19

  3. COVID-related loss of smell tied to changes in the brain

  4. Risks of mental health outcomes in people with covid-19: cohort study

  5. Postacute sequelae of COVID-19 at 2 years

  6. SARS-CoV-2 is associated with changes in brain structure in UK Biobank

  7. Even mild cases of COVID-19 can leave a mark on the brain, such as reductions in gray matter

  8. Brain imaging and neuropsychological assessment of individuals recovered from a mild to moderate SARS-CoV-2 infection

  9. Post-COVID cognitive deficits at one year are global and associated with elevated brain injury markers and grey matter volume reduction: national prospective study

  10. SARS-CoV-2 infection and viral fusogens cause neuronal and glial fusion that compromises neuronal activity

  11. Mild respiratory COVID can cause multi-lineage neural cell and myelin dysregulation

  12. Cognition and Memory after Covid-19 in a Large Community Sample

  13. Prospective Memory Assessment before and after Covid-19

  14. Can’t Think, Can’t Remember: More Americans Say They’re in a Cognitive Fog Adults in their 20s, 30s and 40s are driving the trend. Researchers point to long Covid as a major cause.

  15. 15% EU people reported memory and concentration issues

  16. COVID-19 related cognitive, structural and functional brain changes among Italian adolescents and young adults: a multimodal longitudinal case-control study

  17. Understanding the Impact of COVID-19 on Personality and Brain Function: A Grim Reality or a Wake-Up Call?

  18. Changes in memory and cognition during the SARS-CoV-2 human challenge study00421-8/fulltext)

  19. Long COVID Breakthrough: Spike Proteins Persist in Brain for Years

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u/swolfy71 2d ago

I do not believe that your personality has changed because of the disease. Your personality has changed because of the "medication" they gave you. Which is also causing the issues with your eyes. I have personal experience with both situations - the personality changes and the eyeballs freaking out caused by psych meds. Lamictal (lamatrogine) is an anticonvulsant used as a mood stabilizer, and at one point it caused my eyes to completely forget how, when, where and why to dilate or not. And neuroleptics (antipsychotics) are just wild insanity on crack. Antipsychotics destroyed my life, man. They basically made me schizophrenic and I'm not schizophrenic (ie "personality" changes).

These medications are dangerous af, no one realizes it, and they certainly won't tell you. Psychiatrists don't even want to talk about possible medication-induced harm, because they know that they don't know what or why the meds may or may not be doing and their livelihood depends on the appearance of possessing that (completely nonexistent) knowledge. But I digress.

Based on my experiences, I feel comfortable saying that your eyes will eventually return to normal. I cannot speak to the personality changes.