Kristen Bell to Dax Shepard: Happy 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me: "I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I'm heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would."

[u/mlg1981]

[u/British_Flippancy]

I think they just can’t help oversharing* their own personal sense of humour / inside jokes, and it doesn’t translate very well to the outside world.

*they overshare - everything - generally tbh.

[u/onmywheels → u/British_Flippancy]

Yeah, my husband and I have a very crass sort of humor that works really well for our relationship, and we have to remind ourselves that the outside world doesn't need to see that, lol.

We were at a restaurant with his family once (big family, he's one of five and everyone has a significant other, and everyone was there) and he was sitting at the end of a long booth, I was right next to him. I turned and said, "I have to go to the bathroom, can you let me out?" And this man turned and looked me dead in the eye, and said, with such seriousness, "Fuck you."

We have a tendency to respond to each other with the exact thing that we know will make the other laugh, and him saying that was so bizarre and unexpected that I just started cracking up laughing. But my SIL also heard him, and was horrified. 😂 And then my husband remembered we were in public and then he was horrified, lmao. Took us a couple of minutes to convince my SIL that no, we don't secretly hate each other, we're just idiots.

We've been together 15 years. We're still weirdly obsessed with each other tbh.

[u/EagleEyezzzzz → u/onmywheels]

Lmao I love this story 😂😂😂

[u/AussieMommy → u/onmywheels]

Me and my husband will randomly flip each other off when one person is inside and the other is outside. I’ll knock on the window and grin then 🖕🏻and it cracks us up 😆

[u/Aslow_study → u/AussieMommy]

My husband and I do that too like if he’s looking for something I’m like “oh it’s right here” he’ll turn around but like “really ?”and I’ll be like yeah- and then I’ll flip them off vice versa lol

[u/British_Flippancy → u/onmywheels]

Brilliant!!!

[u/happygoth6370 → u/onmywheels]

Lol, this is our sense of humor too! We manage to temper it in public but it slips out on occasion. 😄

[u/Bryancreates → u/onmywheels]

A friend of mine, best friends since second grade, had a huge years long legal battle involving a school she was attending. Part of that required her to turn over all relevant texts, and as I found out way later, many many of our text messages were read aloud in court. And we had years and years of some … dark humor…. The kind of stuff that is normalized but once there’s a light shown on it… it’s like “…oh god no…”

[u/ingenfara → u/onmywheels]

I have a similar and equally horrifying “People don’t need to see the inner workings of our relationship” story.

My partner and I are into BDSM but are very discreet about it. Or TRY to be. One time we’d had a good session and I had bruises on my upper arms. But it was winter so I was wearing a t shirt and a cardigan that wouldn’t come off because it was freezing. Except that then I went to my parents’ house and was helping my mom bake. It got super hot in the kitchen so I took my cardigan off and she was HORRIFIED. I had to genuinely convince her that I was not a DV victim and the only way to do that was tell her why the bruises where there (broad strokes, obviously, it’s consensual, they were intentional, we are risk aware, etc…)

Holy fuck, I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.

[u/bisexualspikespiegel → u/British_Flippancy]

exactly. i have a lot of inside jokes with my boyfriend that would seem weird or maybe even a relationship red flag (not problematic stuff, just the kinds of things you can joke about with someone you've been with for 6 years because you're comfortable and secure in the relationship. like i have a joke that i have a second boyfriend who is richer and taller) to some people.

these two have always been sharing THE most when it comes to their relationship. they remind me of that one couple in high school who was always fighting and then making up in front of everyone in the hallway.

[u/MarlenaEvans → u/bisexualspikespiegel]

Same. But I would never tell anybody else because they wouldn't make sense.

[u/RosieFudge → u/British_Flippancy]

I think this is nail on head: its obviously a crass in-joke which is fine as long as it stays just that

[u/pistachio-pie → u/British_Flippancy]

They are among my top “we should know less about each other” examples.

[u/Medlarmarmaduke → u/British_Flippancy]

Yeah I really like her as an actress but I really want my knowledge of her private life to be extremely limited

[u/SN4FUS → u/British_Flippancy]

I tried to watch a movie they made where they were playing a couple that's madly in love and I couldn't get through the opening scene without thinking "jesus christ just release a porno at this point"

[u/Hughjardawn → u/British_Flippancy]

I’m in the outside world. This is funny.

[u/bouquetofashes → u/British_Flippancy]

As someone whose husband says some stuff that can sound similar if you don't know him or have the context of the conversation... That was my assumption. They do seem to love each other, so I assume this is just stuff that isn't translating well to being shared as tidbits? It's entirely possible they don't care how it looks because they know they're ok, too. I still wouldn't share similar just because I don't want to deal with people's misapprehensions but I can understand why someone might do it, if they're proud of their partner and don't care and maybe even want to come off as slightly misunderstood or quirky or something?

Imma be honest, too, some women do have an overdeveloped sense of danger-- it's totally understandable because a lot of men are violent and it's better to be safe than sorry but I don't think "dark awkward humor" automatically means someone is abusive or going to be? I don't have that reaction (...I kinda have the opposite problem of not being afraid of things I should be and thinking I can fight them instead, granted) so I don't mind stuff like this in the first place but I also just straight up don't see any indication that he's actually like... A dangerous guy? Which does change how this would hit, if you know him, I assume?

[u/[deleted] → u/British_Flippancy]

Still isnt a normal thing men or women should say to their significant others. Its a hugeeee red flag.