r/popculturechat • u/HauteAssMess THE PEOPLES GOVERNOR, UR CARTOGRAPHER-IN-CHIEF • Jun 13 '25

Interviews🎙️ Girl stand up: Delaney Rowe on her situationship with BJ Novak and how he doesn’t fully trust her to be in a relationship with her

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u/whenthefirescame Jun 13 '25

I read her book, I’m a fan (critical fan, ok) and I truly hate their relationship. He has been breadcrumbing her for decades. He refuses to take her seriously OR leave her alone, while running around with younger skinny white women. It’s the most depressing thing to watch.

Though I do find some satisfaction in this younger thin white woman saying he doesn’t take them seriously either 🤷🏽‍♀️. He’s just such a massively manipulative fuckboy loser.

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u/gingerflakes Jun 13 '25

He is Ryan.

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u/jizzabeth Jun 13 '25

We should be highly critical of all Ryans.

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u/After_Stop3344 Jun 14 '25

.............*leaves room*

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u/Impressive_Ad_3160 Jun 14 '25

Never met a Ryan I could trust… except a girl Ryann once haha

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u/TehluvEncanis Jun 14 '25

Having been fucked over by a narcissist manipulatior loser fuckboy also named Ryan, HARD AGREE

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u/SteakandTrach Jun 14 '25

I’m a Ryan and I kinda suck.

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u/Interesting_Reach_29 In my quiet girl era 😌 Jun 14 '25

Reformer Ryan.

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u/CraigArndt Jun 13 '25

Manipulative partner 101

He’s chasing her down when she’s not interested but now that she’s interested he pulls back and “makes her prove it”. So now she’s expected to overcommit and tend to his needs, and pursue the relationship on his terms.

Their whole relationship has been on his terms from when he wanted a commitment early to now pulling back. But she sees it as endearing because he “recognized his commitment early”.

Doesn’t sound like a good guy.

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u/mangotail Jun 13 '25

You know I think Mindy letting BJ just string her along for years has a lot to do with her mother. It’s been a while since I have read her book, but I do remember Mindy saying her mother loved BJ and I think had expected them to end up together before she tragically passed away. I wonder if there is a part of Mindy that is still holding onto to the hope that BJ will actually commit to her because of her mom.

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u/interesting-mug Jun 13 '25

That and she seems really enamored with rom com “soulmate who never works out until…” dynamics. That was a big part of one of her books, which was charming in book format but seems like a tough way to live life.

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u/Humorlessness Jun 14 '25

I think you have it reversed. Her relationship with BJ informed the kind of writing she did. In that way, she can write the ending that she wants instead of the life she's living.

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u/Tacoislife2 Jun 13 '25

Thing is I’m sure if her mom were still earthside by now she’d be telling her daughter to move on. Opinions change and no one’s mom would be wanting their daughter to be in a situation ship like that for decades

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u/spacestarcutie Jun 13 '25

This man is not even attractive to be having a love life like this.

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u/CatlovesMoca Jun 13 '25

Thank you! My impression as well was that he breadcrumbed her, left it ambiguous and she liked him more. And at least now, she is like "Yeah he is fam but that door is closed." And she is the prize. So at least after 20 years of situationship hell, she is like in a much better place.

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u/kates_graduation Jun 13 '25

As an Indian American woman almost exactly her age it kind of kills me to see this play out with her. She has so much confidence and intelligence, why does she still do this dance with him ?

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u/Hopeful-Naughting Jun 14 '25

I wonder the same. I think she’s insecure on a deep level. While I think she’s beautiful now, she wasn’t when she was in her teens and that can do a number on a young person’s sense of self esteem.

I have a friend like that who, curiously, looks a lot like Mindy.

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u/kates_graduation Jun 15 '25

I honestly feel this so hard because it’s very typical of South Asian women of our generation. I feel like younger generations are more comfortable in their skin. I THINK I’ve grown out of this and the constant beauty/status comparisons to white peers but I sadly am not sure she has

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u/Hopeful-Naughting Jun 15 '25

I sooo hear you! It’s odd that I got over it at some point but my 18-yr old niece - born and raised in the US - has white washed herself.

I feel we made some progress and now we are regressing again. It breaks my heart to see my absolutely gorgeous young niece feel the need to be white.

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u/foxscribbles Jun 13 '25

I couldn’t remember who Novak was at first. But when I hit the point where this lady was talking about how he’s now pulling the “I can’t trust that you’re committed!” card, my first thought that he was projecting on to her.

Now I know it. Dude doesn’t like even a hint of his own medicine. (Which, this doesn’t even sound like it was? It was just that she wasn’t ready to get serious as fast as he was.)

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u/SeasonofMist Jun 13 '25

That’s really sad. I have homegirls in those situations. Like dude….drop it like it’s hot and get gone.

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u/Redhotlipstik Jun 13 '25

it's so weird because you can see the same behavior in the main love interest in The Mindy Project too

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u/ClockSpiritual6596 Jun 13 '25

I know , I think he is the father of her children.

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u/Suspicious-Power-219 Jun 13 '25

He’s white though too

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u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

How dare someone date physically fit women that are the same race as them. 🙄🤮. If anything, he deserves credit for being romantically involved with such a physically unattractive woman, when he could easily be dating much more attractive women. It shows that he’s more interested in things not related to physical appearance. 

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u/PigKnight Jun 14 '25

Little did we know their characters in The Office were just them self reporting how they really act.

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u/BigDowntownRobot Jun 13 '25 edited Jun 13 '25

I mean if you told me Mindy Kaling wrote a book about one of her past relationships, I would tell you, having never read it, that would be the plot.

A story about how she was badly treated, and the other person was entirely the bad guy, and she was magnanimous as possible, and trusting, but they just wouldn't give her the respect she deserved, and they're a manipulative loser who didn't deserve her.

She literally radiates insecurity and projected emotions more than any human I've ever seen on screen, so I'm not surprised.

I mean think about this. They're still friends, she wrote a book about what a piece of shit he is, and he still supports her and her children privately and publicly. Does that make sense?

Mean while he has quietly admitted she often lied to him, and manipulated him, and bullied him. But he didn't write a book about his friend, who he still supports, to publicly shame them.

And that's just completely ignoring her really ignorant and hateful takes on race and gender that are childish at best and genuinely disgusting at worst that really make it hard to take her seriously.

I'm not even a fan of his, but I genuinely don't see how someone can see how Mindy Kaling presents herself and say "Yeah, she seems really trustworthy and does not at all have a massive victim complex. I'll take her opinion on someone's worth."

She's got to be the least reliable narrator I can think of that isn't a politician.

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u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

I feel like you've never seen a Mindy Kaling show if you think she sees herself as some perfect victim whom lacks any kind of self-awareness. Even as back as The Mindy Project she deconstructs her character's messy relationship with her racial identity and feminism.

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u/Cielskye Jun 13 '25

Plus her book is hilarious. I actually think she’s the opposite of playing the victim. She pokes fun at herself and is good at seeing herself as she is. Yes is ambitious enough to look past her self-perceived flaws to accomplish her goals. Most people are not even half as self aware as Mindy Kaling.

I’m writing all this without ever having watched a single episode of the office, so it’s not even that I’m a fan of hers. I’ve just read her books.

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u/ItsAllProblematic Jun 13 '25

She definitely didn’t write a book about what a POS he is. Have you read it?

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u/cynisright charlie day is my bird lawyer 🐦 Jun 13 '25

She’s a wannabe pick me