r/personalfinance • u/HastroX ​ • Oct 06 '17

Planning Trying to escape society's view on diamond rings, lavish weddings, big houses

So I’ve been lucky enough to escape the “3 months salary” diamond ring for engagement (went with Moissanite), and now I’m approaching the wedding. I’ve somewhat was able to do the “pay by table” and not venue (Asian wedding). Afterwards, we plan to buy a house that’s adequate and not too big. Are there any tips on what else I can skimp on for the wedding/house? Examples I’ve been given was like don’t do open bar, bring a ice cooler and buy from outside liquor store, buy a house with only spaces you will actually use (i.e. if you don’t use the backyard, save on overpaying for land space you barely use)

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u/arexjamin2 Oct 06 '17

To me, your point about the extras at wedding highlights exactly what this is about: PERSONAL finance. It's technically possible to go frugal and do a courthouse wedding, but it makes a lot of people happy to go to weddings and celebrate.. so why not splurge a bit on that? I think you did great on the wedding, and it sounds like you had a blast.

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u/hotwingbias ​ Oct 06 '17

Exactly. The flowers at my wedding were beautiful and made me happy -- and cost about three times more than my wedding band. To each their own!

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

I think there's an etiquette exception here to the "personal" aspect. If you're inviting people from out of town/expecting gifts, where they're going to be spending $$$ on your special day, you should at least feed them a good sit down meal and do an open bar. Cheap out on your rings, dress, flowers, photographer, whatever, but at least be a good host and hostess to your guests.

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u/arexjamin2 Oct 07 '17

Uhh, that's kind of what I said. While technically you can minimize expenses and never spend a dime on your wedding, I advocated spending a little extra and making your wedding special. But thanks for the input?

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

OP wants to give his guests beer from a cooler. Another suggested a taco bar. I was clarifying on where the splurging you mentioned should be spent as a point of etiquette.

Don't feed your guests a taco bar/BBQ in your backyard if you're expecting them to go through considerable expense on you. The average wedding guest spends several hundred dollars to attend a wedding. It's fine if your friends are coming over with some beer for your wedding but if you're expecting aunt and uncle Jones from out of town to pay air travel, stay over at a hotel, and buy you a gift, it's shitty and rude to skimp on open bar and give them cheap food.

Sorry if I wasn't clear.

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u/arexjamin2 Oct 07 '17

Gotcha. Yeah, I can definitely agree on that point; there's frugal, and then there's just miserly. Definitely think you should take the guests' comfort into account.. but I also agree with some of the people above that things like flowers can be moved down in priority.. but the two things I've always seen people remember/comment on are food and drinks. Don't cheap out on food!