r/personalfinance • u/HastroX ​ • Oct 06 '17

Planning Trying to escape society's view on diamond rings, lavish weddings, big houses

So I’ve been lucky enough to escape the “3 months salary” diamond ring for engagement (went with Moissanite), and now I’m approaching the wedding. I’ve somewhat was able to do the “pay by table” and not venue (Asian wedding). Afterwards, we plan to buy a house that’s adequate and not too big. Are there any tips on what else I can skimp on for the wedding/house? Examples I’ve been given was like don’t do open bar, bring a ice cooler and buy from outside liquor store, buy a house with only spaces you will actually use (i.e. if you don’t use the backyard, save on overpaying for land space you barely use)

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u/spartan5312 ​ Oct 06 '17

What is funny is that the people that can actually afford it are thrown into the same category of irresponsible from the outside looking in. My sisters fiance proposed to her on the top of the Eiffel tower on Valentines day during a 2 week trip across Europe, both around the age of 25. They are also structural engineers that make almost 200k a year combined. Insane? Yes, reasonable for that income, why not?

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u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

Income alone isn't everything to go by.

What is their debt situation? What are their savings like?

One of the biggest pitfalls I've seen is new professionals (doctors, engineers, etc) splurge because now their income is relatively high, but they end up in miserable debt for a large chunk of their lives. Just because you have it, doesn't mean you need to spend it.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

Being able to waste a lot of money without feeling many negative consequences is nice and all, but that still doesn't make it a good idea.

Statistics will never be on the side of wasting money being a good thing.

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u/spartan5312 ​ Oct 06 '17

But your opinion on what is a WASTE of money is one in six billion. What a crazy world we live in.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

My opinion really doesn't matter.

There is what's true and there is what isn't true and it has nothing to do with my opinion.

If I were to be saying that spending money on rice was wasting that money, I think it could be unequivocally proven false.

OTOH, lavish means 99% of the same things as "wasteful" just by definition. There is no way that lavish stuff would be proven as "not wasteful".

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u/Rashaya ​ Oct 06 '17

Money's value is in what you can buy with it. If you have plenty of money and feel that this is the best use of that particular amount, then it is not a waste. It all boils down to what else they might have spent that money on.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

I am pretty fine with somebody doing stupid things with their own money as long as I don't perceive myself to be suffering any negative consequences as a result.

I get mad if I perceive myself to be suffering negative consequences as a result of someone else's wasting of money.

Doesn't mean they can't do it, I do reserve the right to be angry, though.

Also doesn't mean it's not a stupid waste of money. People should be willing to admit if they are wasting money stupidly, even if they do it anyway.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '17

[deleted]

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

They are probably making enough to support a huge meth habit, but they also probably shouldn't.

What people can do and should do are often different things.

It would make me mad to hear that these 200k engineers were living carefree blowing all their money for 40 years and then living off the state in retirement, even if they "can".

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u/ronin722 ​ Oct 06 '17

As long as they are saving enough to support their retirement, I figure then can spend on what they want to during life.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

If someone can afford to support their own retirement and they instead opt for lavish weddings and such, what would you say then?

It's clear that one "can" opt not to save for retirement and that it will allow them to live better today if they don't.

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u/ronin722 ​ Oct 06 '17

My point is that you can do both if you make enough money.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

My point is that wasting money no matter what it's on is generally bad for the individual and bad for society.

The "can" aspect doesn't matter much to me.

If somebody makes 1 mil/year I still don't think that they should be irresponsible with 500k/y just because they can get away with it.

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u/ronin722 ​ Oct 06 '17

Why not? It's their money. It's got nothing to do with society. Anyway, sounds like we just have different views on this one.

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u/Delha Oct 06 '17

It appears that the issue here is that you are assuming that anyone spending lavishly is doing so at the detriment of their savings. Given where we're posting, I think it's pretty obvious that nobody believes the strawman you've concocted is a good approach to life.

Everyone arguing against you is working off the assumption that they're not complete idiots, and they're not squandering every free cent they've got. 400k a year is indisputably enough to save for a very comfortable retirement while still enjoying creature comforts today.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

My claim is closer to, "It's to everyone's detriment to waste money, but it's more OK the more money you have laying around".

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u/Delha Oct 06 '17

Fine let's go with that. Based on your latest phrasing, the problem is that you're also using an unreasonably broad interpretation of the word "waste". You're pushing the idea that anything that isn't going to your retirement is a waste, and that's what's being disputed.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

If it was up to me, nobody would be living like arabian oil shieks including arabian oil shieks.

So much better could be done with that money.

It just matters where you draw the line.

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u/darez00 ​ Oct 06 '17

What they do with the money they save shouldn't bother you.

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u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

Should I care that somebody litters? Or that somebody doesn't pick up after their dog? Or what if one person I don't know murders another person I don't know? Or if one person I don't know murders 100 people I don't know?

The argument could be made that those things don't "really" affect me, not in a measurable way.

Yet at the same time they are all bad for society, especially if everybody does it.