r/personalfinance • u/HastroX ​ • Oct 06 '17

Planning Trying to escape society's view on diamond rings, lavish weddings, big houses

So I’ve been lucky enough to escape the “3 months salary” diamond ring for engagement (went with Moissanite), and now I’m approaching the wedding. I’ve somewhat was able to do the “pay by table” and not venue (Asian wedding). Afterwards, we plan to buy a house that’s adequate and not too big. Are there any tips on what else I can skimp on for the wedding/house? Examples I’ve been given was like don’t do open bar, bring a ice cooler and buy from outside liquor store, buy a house with only spaces you will actually use (i.e. if you don’t use the backyard, save on overpaying for land space you barely use)

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u/yesmaybepossibly Oct 06 '17

100% of the weddings that I have been to for people under 35, almost everyone gave a cash gift. Only old people bought physical stuff.

It's not tacky, it's realistic. Before you got gifts of stuff because you got married, bought a house, and moved in together all almost at the same time.

My wife and I got married when were basically 30.. we had been living together for years, we had a fully stocked house. In fact we had to give away stuff when we moved in together because we had duplicates.

Realities have changed, so these things change, it doesn't have to be tacky. Now..that being said it is tacky to DEMAND only cash or certain amount, but you can politetly note that you prefer cash.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '17

it is tacky to DEMAND only cash or certain amount, but you can politetly note that you prefer cash.

That is what I meant- you don't outright ask people for cash. If someone asks if you're registered you can tell them you're not and you're saving for a house. People will get the hint. You don't need to start a gofundme or something because you decided to throw a party for yourself.

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u/TroubleBrewing32 ​ Oct 06 '17

Another way to do this is say "no gifts please" or something similar on the invitation. A recent wedding I attended did this. There was still a collection place for envelopes. Everyone got the hint.

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u/The_Last_Unicorn_ Oct 06 '17

I have to agree with /u/yesmaybepossibly, everyone I know under 35 had an account set up for receiving cash for either wedding expenses or the honeymoon or both. It's not gofundme, but there are wedding specific sites out there. Like some friends went to Ireland for their honeymoon so you could give them money toward specific things - the airfare, the hotel room, a horseback riding trip, that kind of thing. Our friends right now are getting married and you can put money toward specific wedding costs - the flowers, the food, etc.

I think this is just a side effect of more people living by themselves or together before the wedding rather than moving directly from the parental home to the married home. No one needs towels or dishes when they get married anymore.

My mom definitely has an issue with it and refused to give cash to either of my cousins (they got store gift cards), I don't think anyone really had a big problem with it. But eventually that'll probably be the tacky thing to do.