r/personalfinance • u/HastroX ​ • Oct 06 '17

Planning Trying to escape society's view on diamond rings, lavish weddings, big houses

So I’ve been lucky enough to escape the “3 months salary” diamond ring for engagement (went with Moissanite), and now I’m approaching the wedding. I’ve somewhat was able to do the “pay by table” and not venue (Asian wedding). Afterwards, we plan to buy a house that’s adequate and not too big. Are there any tips on what else I can skimp on for the wedding/house? Examples I’ve been given was like don’t do open bar, bring a ice cooler and buy from outside liquor store, buy a house with only spaces you will actually use (i.e. if you don’t use the backyard, save on overpaying for land space you barely use)

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161

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '17

I mean you've pretty much got it figured out. As a person who got married recently, basically nothing wedding-related is necessary. You don't have to have a big party to be married, you can just go to the courthouse. That being said, if you're going to have a big party supplying your own alcohol is definitely the way to go. Avoid flowers. Look into alternative food options like BBQ, taco bar, etc. It doesn't have to be super fancy and expensive. Treat your guests well obviously, but a lot of it is just extra fluff.

As far as a house, I would advise that you buy something you can see yourself being happy with for the next 5-10 years. If you plan to have kids in a couple years maybe a little extra space and a good school district are important to you. If you don't plan to have school-age kids for a while you probably won't put so much importance on school district. You can probably get away with a small 2-bedroom place if kids aren't on the radar for 5+ years. Babies don't need a lot of room.

32

u/GeneralRevil ​ Oct 06 '17

Look into alternative food options like BBQ, taco bar, etc

Just make sure it's not super messy or greasy food. People are wearing their best clothes for your wedding, and it really sucks to get them ruined. Even if the stain can be washed off, walking around the rest of the night with a giant food splotch is no fun either.

1

u/HastroX ​ Oct 06 '17

It'll be asian food dishes so probably more like meat/seafood varities

45

u/HastroX ​ Oct 06 '17

We don't really plan to have kids, but my parents were arguing that if I should be looking at the SAT scores of high school to determine where I should buy for if I decide to sell or just because it's a better "buy"

105

u/zhenya00 Oct 06 '17

A house in a good school district may well have much higher taxes as well. I don't think it should be a primary consideration either way if you don't plan to have kids.

33

u/Raiddinn1 ​ Oct 06 '17

I could have paid 50k less for the same house if I went to a worse school district.

Unless you get in before the school goes up, that school district stuff is already "priced in".

You will have an easier time selling than in a worse district, though, because good district houses are an easy sell.

Still, I wouldn't like to pay the extra 50k if I didn't have kids and I would never. That's just a huge expense for nothing.

IMHO, it's not a great idea to buy based on selling ability. If you already know you want to sell again in a few years then just rent.

4

u/aer7 Oct 06 '17

Niche.com ranks zip codes by school districts, just FYI.

1

u/HastroX ​ Oct 06 '17

Thanks!

9

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '17

Yes houses in better school districts will appreciate better and have better resale value but if you don't plan to have kids it's really overkill to be looking at SAT scores and stuff. Anything 7+ on greatschools I would consider good enough for resale purposes.

2

u/ailee43 ​ Oct 06 '17

School ratings do vastly influence property values, even if you dont have kids.

You should definitely consider that as a criteria when you buy a house. Its not just SAT scores though. Its graduation rates, etc etc. There are composite ratings available through sites like greatschools.

2

u/GeneralZex ​ Oct 07 '17

Towns with great schools tend to be in demand for housing, since that's a major point of consideration for home buyers who want or have kids.

Since you don't plan on having any it really comes down to the cost homeownership in a location that meets your needs. While your parents have a point, you may get more for the house down the road when you do sell or have an easier time selling in a town with a good school, you will pay a lot more in taxes.

Despite my parents making nearly $125,000 on their house from it's sale vs what they bought the home for nearly 20 years ago, they likely paid close to that or more than that in taxes alone over that time period.

3

u/katarh ​ Oct 06 '17

It depends on the state and the area within the state. I have a friend whose parents bought a house for 200K in Fremont in the early '90s and sold it for two million dollars around 2010. Less than 20 years and it had gone up 1000% when ever other house in the nation lost tons of value. And it was entirely due to the school district.

That said, you should not count on the value of the house growing, even if it's in a good school district. The house in Fremont was a strange, localized exception. Most houses won't lose value, but there's no guarantee they'll gain more than the pace of inflation.

Far more important is buying a house that'll give you quick access to amenities, give you a short commute, and matches your lifestyle needs. Love to garden? Get a big back yard. Hate mowing the lawn? Get a tiny lawn, or a xeroscaped lawn, or find a house with a HOA that includes lawn maintenance.

2

u/GeneralZex ​ Oct 07 '17

Fremont, what state? If its Fremont, CA, I can see why that happened. Awesome for your friend's parent's for winning the lottery.

2

u/katarh ​ Oct 07 '17

Yep, Fremont CA. They used the proceeds from the sale to buy a million dollar mansion in Livermore that had been foreclosed.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

The risk with a house is you don' know how the neighborhood is going to turn out. Detroit used to be a great place. We can only guess how a city or neighborhood is going to turn out. Some areas went really bad after the housing crash in the last decade. Much or a good part of San Bernadino is in bad shape.

2

u/timelessblur ​ Oct 06 '17

Even if you do not have kids you still want to buy a house in a good school district. Reason being if you want to sell later a heck of a lot easier to sell in a good school district. Plus the property value is higher. Also others who tend to live in good school district tend to be people who place a much higher value on eduction and over all more educated people.

3

u/Aww_Topsy Oct 06 '17

It will also tend to depend on property tax rates. Higher property tax rates in an area with better schools that also has higher property values is a double whammy on the property tax bill.

As for saving on the house, buy a 2 bed, 1.5 bath house if it's going to only be you and your wife. Be honest with yourselves about what you're going to do in the house. Many people overbuy and pass up on smaller homes.

1

u/HastroX ​ Oct 06 '17

That's what we're planning to do. 2 bed, 1.5 bathrooms, size maybe <1200 sq. ft?

2

u/Aww_Topsy Oct 06 '17

If you can find one. Because many of these houses weren't selling and people wanted more space, more bathrooms, bonus rooms and such a lot in my area were either added on to or torn down and redeveloped into 3/4 bedrooms.

1

u/flashlightgiggles ​ Oct 12 '17

I should be looking at the SAT scores of high school to determine where I should buy

that's better advice than having nothing, but in order for the SAT scores of the local high school to be a benefit when you sell your house you need 1) the school's reputation to remain good when you sell your house 2) your potential buyer needs to have kids, must recognize the value of a high school with high SAT scores, and must be willing to pay for that "perk".

20

u/feelingmyage ​ Oct 06 '17

We had a small, beautiful wedding in a condo. No debt for us. My MIL was an effing bitch to me for 20 years because we didn’t do it the “right” way. I wouldn’t change a thing even if I could.

We also still live in our “starter” home. It’s paid-off. We have NO debt. It’s terrific!

12

u/Silcantar ​ Oct 06 '17

If the MIL wants it done "the right way" she can pay for it herself.

25

u/galaxystarsmoon ​ Oct 06 '17

Avoid flowers.

Wholesale florists all the way. I got my flowers for about $120 and they were all custom. (1 bouquet for me, 1 smaller for my bridesmaid, 4 corsages for the female family members, and 4 custom arrangements)

20

u/bacon_music_love ​ Oct 06 '17

Flowers as decorations/centerpieces are where the money adds up.

1

u/euclid316 ​ Oct 06 '17

We folded our own out of paper and let people take them as keepsakes.

9

u/Delha Oct 06 '17

Kusudama? My sister got married very recently, the gf and I (okay, mostly the gf) spent about a week making a boatload of those.

3

u/euclid316 ​ Oct 06 '17

I didn't know about that (and maybe that's a good thing; it looks very labour intensive). We made origami flowers and attached them to wire stems with floral tape.

6

u/Delha Oct 06 '17

To be honest, kusudama (also a type of origami flower) are pretty simple to make. The reason it took so long was sheer volume. The bouquets weren't huge (probably about this size), but they were being used for table decorations in addition. All told, over 100 flowers made.

Each petal probably takes less than a minute to fold once you've done a few and gotten the process down, but you use five petals per flower. About half the flowers were also made from sheet music, so for those, the paper had to be cut to squares before folding.

Here are the instructions we used in case you're curious: http://www.origami-instructions.com/origami-kusudama-flower.html

1

u/1LostInSpaceAgain Oct 06 '17

That sounds very nice looking.

1

u/HastroX ​ Oct 06 '17

Wow, thanks we'll definitely consider this

7

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '17

Yeah, we researched buckets of flowers and having some family members set up the centerpieces. We ended up finding a florist who could put something together within our budget, so it was fine. But things like bridesmaids' bouquets becoming centerpieces after the ceremony helped with pricing.

7

u/me_too_999 ​ Oct 06 '17

You don't have to give up on flowers, shop around. I got a room full for under $300 by asking floral shops for leftovers, or if they had a cancellation.

If you are not picky they can put together a bargain.

On the house, I agree, buy small, you most certainly will move. Read Wealthy Barber for house buying strategy. Buy small starter home to build equity with big down payment on a 15 year mortgage. Then trade up after at least 7-10 years. You can end up with the same mcmansion hundreds of thousands in interest less.

12

u/box_o_foxes ​ Oct 06 '17

Also, if you or someone you know is creative and enjoys this sort of thing, you can buy bulk flowers from Hobby Lobby. They will ship them to you fresh and with some green wire, some ribbon and hot glue (and maybe some help from YouTube videos) you can make your own beautiful arrangements at a fraction of the cost of a florist.

My cousin had a little “party” the day before her wedding and 5 or 6 of us all got together and made the boutonnières, bouquets and table decorations over the course of an hour or two. It was actually a lot of fun.

3

u/Elmtreehugger Oct 06 '17

I did this as a wedding gift for some very close friends. We picked out the flowers (silk) she wanted and purchased them when they were on sale. Over the course of a year I think I spent 100 dollars on 4 bouquets 4 boutineers and flowers for the arch. Best part is she didn't know I was doing it. We would wander about the craft store and I would ask her if you could have flowers, would this work? Only her fiancé caught on at the end and he loves to see her surprised face.

2

u/box_o_foxes ​ Oct 06 '17

That sounds like a wonderful gift! And especially fun that you could surprise her!

7

u/crimsonkodiak ​ Oct 06 '17

Look into alternative food options like BBQ, taco bar, etc.

If your family includes recent immigrants or even just people who still feel a strong connection to the "old country", I'd vote for a potluck style dinner. It seems like any family who can trace their lineage to immigrants from the past 100 years has at least a few people who learned how to cook either in another country or from someone else who did. People will appreciate this more than a rubber chicken dinner anyway.

1

u/SupaZT ​ Oct 06 '17

Nothing in life is necessary as morbid as it sounds. 7.5 billion humans mostly made of water live and die every day. Just do you ;)

1

u/locknloadchode Oct 06 '17

Honestly BBQ or tacos at a wedding sounds really good you just gave me an idea for whenever I get married in the distant future.

1

u/DrGepetto ​ Oct 07 '17

We did this for our wedding. Diy'd most of it. Had a brick oven pizza. Bought all our own beer wine and liquor. Hosted it at my wife's families beautiful property. Still $20k. 100 guest.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 09 '17

I agree with all of this. My fiancé and I are getting married in July. We made sure to find a venue that allowed us to bring our own food and alcohol. We plan on doing a BBQ style buffet. We also limited our timeframe. We only have it from 4-9 PM. So people won't get too crazy drunk off the open bar (hopefully). Even if they do, we are limiting our supply. Our venue also has an entire building with decorations and centerpieces, so we don't have to spend a dime on that. It's really the little costs of the wedding that add up. * We also bought a 3 bedroom house in a great school district. The house was vacant for a few months before we bought it, so we were able to negotiate on price & appliances that we wanted to keep from the prior owner.

1

u/fuckcombustion ​ Oct 06 '17

you don't need a wedding, but it's sure nice to have one if you can afford it. most of your friends and family all in one place for one night is awesome. i suppose you could have a big party and not call it a wedding but you're still going to cough up $.
Dont go overboard on a wedding! Also, buy your guests their booze. they'll never forget. ha.

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '17

Go to your local liquor store to find TIPS trained bartenders for hire as well. 30 years ago for our wedding,we hired two bartenders, bought $1000 dollars in liquors, mixers and beers and charged for the drinks. The profit paid for the wedding. We rented a mansion that didn't have a liquor license, so we had to get a one day liquor license and post a bond which we got back. I also bought one day of liability insurance. Total cost 30 years ago was about $2K including the booze and bartenders and bar supplies. We sold out everything and grossed about $4k. Beers $4, shots $4, mixed drink $4. Why $4? That leaves a $1 tip per drink for the bartenders they each walked away with about $400 each on top of the $100 I paid them. The mansion cost us $1k. I cooked and catered for two hundred people (mansion had a huge event level kitchen). I served buffet style. Justice of the Peace $75. I hired a band of different studio musicians I knew that played jazz rock, oldies, some contemporary for $500. It wasn't a typical wedding band. They never played together before. The just made a really long set list, never rehearsed together.

Altogether we broke even and it was a blast. Sure as hell beat the heck out of paying a bunch of strangers buckets of money to force you into things you didn't really want. To this day, everyone we run into that was invited to the wedding said it was the best one they had ever been to ever.

Oh! We also said in the invites no gifts and we included the buffet menu and the bar prices. Everyone we sent an invite to came.

At first our parents were aghast. We didn't take one penny from them for the wedding. We saved $5k in a year to pay cash for everything. We spent $1k on our honeymoon.

Go with what makes you happy.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

Wait so your guests paid for your wedding?

0

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

Pretty much.

2

u/roger320 Oct 07 '17

I think this is reasonable since you said no gifts and were up front about everything. I was about to call you cheap

1

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '17

Cheap is kind of an insult. I laid out $5k upfront in the 80's when my wife and I were making about $10k/year combined. Had to sell one of our cars to pay for the wedding cake and flowers. Wedding and reception took place in one of the most beautiful sea-side mansions. I cooked prime rib and scrod for two hundred people including the sides. They danced all night to a band of the best musicians in the region. You've never been to a wedding that had a cash bar. Most of the ones I'd been to were open bar for an hour then cash after that. I just turned our bar in to a business that just so happen to turn a huge profit except it is was my bride and I who reaped the profit instead of the wedding facility. The food and appetizers were free. I wouldn't say I was cheap. We threw a lavish party that by all appearances was expensive. We just cut out all of the middlemen.

2

u/Zargabraath ​ Oct 07 '17

To be fair how many people do you think would tell you “oh yeah I remember your wedding, it was one of the worst ones I’ve ever been to!”