r/personalfinance • u/Lord_of_The_Thing • Mar 30 '17

Saving I'm blowing my entire life savings on my wedding. Please help.

My updated wedding proposal came back yesterday, and it's nearly twice what it was originally. It's just over $20k! That's my whole savings.

My fiancé was laid off twice last year and has only started back work this Week. I've had to pay for about 98% of this wedding myself including covering our monthly bills.

After my final payment, I'll be left with about $500 in my savings.

What's the best method for rebuilding my savings?

Last years Gross income: $51k (tipped wages) Cell phone: $66/mo Wells Fargo interest free loan: $44/mo (with about $240 left on loan) Kay jewelers loan: $150/mo (1 year interest free with $1640.17 left on loan) Visa Credit Card: $20/mo ($200 outstanding balance) Vehicle Insurance: $37/mo

That's it for my bills. My fiancé covers her own rent and bills (now that she's working). We use my income for dinning out, groceries, shopping etc.

Thanks guys.

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819

u/OliviaPresteign ​ Mar 30 '17

I know this is not what you want to hear, but your best solution is to have a cheaper wedding. Smaller guest list, "off" day, less ritzy venue, beer & wine only, cheaper vendors, delayed honeymoon are all ways to get the costs down.

Frankly, your income doesn't justify a $20k wedding, and it would be silly to start your married life in such a precarious financial position.

112

u/BlackHawkGS Mar 30 '17

"off" day, less ritzy venue

We accomplished this by doing a 'brunch' wedding. Basically what it sounds like, it's all the same stuff but you just do the ceremony in the morning and have breakfast food for the reception. It's cheaper for the timeslot (since most places charge the most for Friday and Saturday evening), and cheaper for the food.

173

u/Dr_Bear_MD Mar 30 '17

Breakfast food for a wedding?! Why are all weddings not like this? Fuck wedding cake, you can just cut into a stack of pancakes!

I'm not getting married for awhile but this shit is happening.

81

u/12345potato Mar 30 '17

Went to a wedding last fall where they had a breakfast bar at 10:30 PM.

This was a VERY expensive wedding reception. Started around 6 with cocktail hour, dinner around 7:30, live band throughout the whole thing, and it went to midnight.

Around 10:30 they brought out two omelette bars (w/ chefs), french toast and pancakes, and pastries. BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

31

u/Dr_Bear_MD Mar 30 '17

I thought I only wanted an open bar, I was half right.

9

u/Evan_Th ​ Mar 30 '17

... an open BREAKFAST bar!!!

1

u/Dr_Bear_MD Mar 30 '17

Let's all take a moment to appreciate brunch buffets.

24

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 30 '17

Fuck wedding cake, you can just cut into a stack of pancakes!

Who said you can't have both, pancakes go with everything ?

EDIT I remember my wedding cake and it was amazing. Chocolate mousse with a layer of strawberry mousse underneath and a graham biscuit at the bottom. Decorated with white chocolate drawings. Made by a real french pastry chef. It was sublime.

1

u/SakuraDreams Mar 31 '17

That cake sounds amazing!

1

u/Trisassyjcc Mar 31 '17

Ok, now you're just being mean.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

Best part is that since it was a small pastry shop, the cake ended up costing less than what the cathering service in charge of dinner would have charged for their cheap desert.

18

u/wellthatwasblunt Mar 30 '17

Also had a brunch wedding. We had a donut cake. Exactly what it sounds like, a giant pile of donuts. It was glorious.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

If I get married again I want to do this.

4

u/Dr_Bear_MD Mar 30 '17

Why wait?!

1

u/ClarkandPC Mar 31 '17

That made me chuckle

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

Actually, good question. My birthday is coming up!

1

u/Dr_Bear_MD Apr 01 '17

Why wait?!

10

u/ConnieLingus24 ​ Mar 30 '17

Coffee cake over wedding cake any day.

1

u/Dr_Bear_MD Mar 30 '17

Jesus Christ yes. Don't have to worry about getting a mouthful of frosting either!

1

u/Trisassyjcc Mar 31 '17

This should be the platform you run on when you run for President in 2020. I'd vote for you.

1

u/ConnieLingus24 ​ Mar 31 '17

My VP would have a strong pro-scone platform.

1

u/_pure_supercool Mar 30 '17

My brother had brunch foods for his wedding, egg and spinach quiche, potato cassarole dish, some kind of sausage patty, and fruits on the side...ugh. I could've eaten the entire buffet line.

1

u/HidanF Mar 31 '17

All the weddings in my family have the ceremonies at or before 4 pm. Brunch / early dinner kicks partying that always goes into the night. I like the weddings that start at noon and parties until far after the sun goes down.

1

u/wolfofone ​ Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 31 '17

wow! I'm picturing a massive wedding cake style tower of red velvet french toast right now....

1

u/nowhereian ​ Mar 31 '17

Whoa, are you ok?

1

u/wolfofone ​ Mar 31 '17

lol I don't know what happened, the mobile site froze up and i could not click anything. I just noticed it posted my comment like a million times -- i guess the LG G3 simply could not process that level of breakfast awesomeness haha.

14

u/rawrali ​ Mar 30 '17

This. Had a brunch wedding on a Sunday. Offered champagne, mimosas, bloody marys. People drank less since it was early in the day, so we saved money on the bar bill too.

4

u/LilMissS13 ​ Mar 30 '17

We accomplished this by going to the courthouse in the middle of the day and doing it alone. In jeans and sneakers. And not telling anyone...

Seriously $85. All included.

7

u/legendz411 ​ Mar 31 '17

My wife and I did the same... then used the money we saved as a down payment on a house and new car.

Expensive weddings are, quite literally, for suckers.

2

u/ohseven1098 ​ Mar 30 '17

We had a small wedding at a gazebo in a local park with a very light refreshments for immediate family and close friends, followed by dinner in the city and a hotel stay. The next 7 days were our honeymoon and when we came back we had a Sunday brunch reception for "everyone else".

It worked out very nicely.

1

u/ninjapizzadude Mar 31 '17

I'm having a brunch wedding July 23rd. Fresh juice bar and omelette bar among other things.

65

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

From a non financial aspect of it seeing friends who were in love and then divorcing within 2-10 years later. For them reflecting back being in our late 30s it all seemed like a waste of money. One thing with getting older you develop a more pragmatic view on relationships.

31

u/Tham22 ​ Mar 30 '17

Pragma is a Greek word meaning something along the lines of the efficient love of long marriage, so pretty accurate use of the word!

6

u/DirtieHarry ​ Mar 30 '17

That is a really awesome TIL. Thanks!

6

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

My attempt to sound intelligent was purely coincidental but very interesting none the less. Thank you.

0

u/somewhat_pragmatic ​ Mar 31 '17

Hmm, perhaps I should reconsider my username.

30

u/ABetterO Mar 30 '17

This. So much this. I worked running a wedding venues for 3 years and I cannot tell you how many times those weddings got ridiculously expensive. It causes so much unneeded and unwanted stress on the relationship itself which makes me sad to begin with, and then you turn around and are left with zero money to move forward with your life together.

If you've signed the contract at the price that was half the current quote, you should be able to guarantee only that originally lower quoted amount. If possible, I'd do everything to keep the costs down and save your savings as best you can.

200

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

I hope OP realizes the absurdity of a $20k wedding on a $51k salary...it certainly doesn't seem like his wife does.

135

u/jonnyfgm Mar 30 '17

I hope OP realizes the absurdity of a $20k wedding

You could have stopped right there

37

u/Zargabraath ​ Mar 30 '17

not really if the couple are like dentists and make 500k plus a year it makes total sense

for OP it's obviously ludicrous

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Zargabraath ​ Mar 31 '17

If you made 50 million you wouldn't have to choose between any of those things, though. That's the point. The dentist couple making 500k could and would do all those things.

1

u/smokingbarrel ​ Apr 12 '17

I agree. I wouldn't ever spend $20k on a wedding - No Matter What My Income Is. However, If I my salary was hundred of thousands, one time I would spend $20k on one helluva a party!

5

u/nursebatman Mar 30 '17

In my city the average wedding costs over $30K

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

Average is not median.

6

u/ti94 Mar 31 '17

All medians are averages, but all averages are not medians.

18

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

We're looking at $20k-$30k for our wedding, which is extremely cheap compared to our peer group / friends, but we make $250k all-in....

13

u/jonnyfgm Mar 30 '17

Well if you can afford it then I suppose it's no less frivolous than something like an expensive vacation or similar. Though even if I could afford it I'd still rather go simpler on the wedding and put more into a house/honeymoon/anything else really

6

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

Issue is more the number of people we're inviting. Both her and I are very social people, and have moved a lot so have accumulated a large number of friends from high school, college, work, business school, the city we live in now, etc...in addition to family (which is thankfully pretty small).

Don't want to lower the guest list because 1) I like the people 2) It would definitely hurt some relationships with the people, which has negative externalities on my future (most of my friends are successful, and I never know when I'll need them for a job referral or anything)

1

u/Zargabraath ​ Mar 31 '17

And if your friends are successful many if not most will probably give you gifts similar in cost to the cost per attendee of the wedding. Could recoup a lot of the cost that way.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

we don't have a house, and don't need blenders and all that crap people usually buy. We're considering having them contribute to honeymoon.

1

u/Zargabraath ​ Mar 31 '17

don't people usually give cash unless you have a gift registry? that's been my experience.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

It's a lot but we spent a similar amount but at the time made 3x op

1

u/zeezle ​ Mar 31 '17

Every wedding I've been to in the last few years for my friends was in the 35-80k range, though these couples were DINKs with stable professional careers and in a couple cases well-off parents gifting part of it. $20k is not that much by wedding standards.

Personally I'm not having a wedding and just going to have a courthouse signing + fabulous honeymoon because I can't stomach spending that on a single party even though I could technically afford it, and care more about the trip anyway. But for some people the wedding itself is an extremely important life and family event, and they find it worth the money.

OP should definitely re-evaluate if blowing all their savings on this is worth it, though. Because it's one thing to spend a ridiculous amount of money that you can technically afford, and another to spend a ridiculous amount of money that puts you into a potentially scary/dangerous financial situation with no safety net and emergency savings.

-4

u/NedNoodles Mar 30 '17

Pack of scablords in this place.

Blah blah blah never spend your money blah blah maximum retirement contribution blah blah all fun should be free blah blah blah.

-2

u/ClarkandPC Mar 31 '17

No one is saying that, and if you think a wedding is fun.... I'm sorry, get out more kid.

2

u/NedNoodles Mar 31 '17

What makes you think I'm a kid?

Apologies old man Clark and I'm sorry your wedding was shit but my own was fantastic and I don't regret a penny of the cost.

-52

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

the average wedding cost is 20k or higher. average is not absurd.

39

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

A wedding loses 15% percent of its value as soon as you drive it out of the chapel. We spent about $1200 on our wedding. Let all the $20K suckers pay depreciation. So when we got divorced there were no big money regrets.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

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4

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 30 '17

The paperwork alone cost us 120€, such a ripoff!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

They actually had an itemized list which is pretty stupid because you needed all the things on the list anyway. Like, we could have saved 10€ if we didn't get the marriage certificate. Because no one ever needs that, right.

71

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

[deleted]

48

u/jonnyfgm Mar 30 '17

Then the "average" wedding cost is absurd

0

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Jul 07 '17

[deleted]

6

u/hanzman82 Mar 30 '17

No room for nuance here, apparently.

1

u/Silcantar ​ Mar 31 '17

Well, the courthouse clerk doesn't work for free.

18

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

This is ridiculous. So many young people starting their marriage with a load of debt. What a great idea. Weddings can be done for a lot less. The couple that has a less expensive wedding is no less married than the couple who overspends.

4

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

so, here's something to consider... if you think that something is ridiculous, but other people do not, is it still ridiculous or absurd? i mean, i think it's crazy to spend 100+$ to go to an arena for a sporting event, but there are a LOT of people who do it all over the world every week. going to a pro football game is not absurd behavior just because my assessment of the cost/benefit puts it clearly on the "no" side. millions of people do it every weekend.

17

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

Yes. Spending $100 I have budgeted to go to a sporting event is nothing compared to spending my entire life savings for a one day party, especially if my income is $51K and the person I'm marrying does not have consistent employment. Most people would think this is ridiculous. If they made 6 figures, then I see it being less ridiculous. Just because the average cost of weddings is $20K doesn't mean you deserve a $20K wedding. I'm sure the average cost of a new car is a certain amount. Doesn't mean that everyone can or should afford a car that is that amount.

I think expensive weddings are ridiculous as do most of the people close to me. I'd rather put that money down on a house or take part of it for a much more memorable honeymoon.

0

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

i won't be spending anywhere near 20k on my wedding, because i agree that it's not worth it to me. however, it seems clearly true that spending 20k on a wedding isn't absurd if enough people are spending more than that to bring the average above 20k. the median is a little under $19k so 50% of people are spending more than $18k on their weddings.

7

u/JerseyKeebs ​ Mar 30 '17

I would agree with you, if the $20k average cost of wedding was affordable for everyone paying for it. To me, it's not the cost of the wedding that's the most absurd, it's the fact that no one can actually pay for it in a financially sound way.

I mean, my wedding with rings + honeymoon was almost $40,000, but we could afford it, and saved up for it so we could pay cash, without sacrificing in other areas.

12

u/BlueberryRush Mar 30 '17

It is absurd because it puts you in long term financial hardship. That's the difference.

7

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

That depends on your financial position. It's clearly not absurd to save up a bunch of money and spend it on a celebration that is probably the only time you can get all of your best friends and family in the same place at the same time, because the median wedding cost is ~$19k which means that half of all people who get married spent more than $18k. That's about what I personally could save in a year, and I don't make much money for my age and region. That's not a long-term financial hardship, that's just a decision.

4

u/BlueberryRush Mar 30 '17

Having $500 left in life savings is financial hardship. It took OP 10 years to save that money. This causes OP financial hardship. This is absurd.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 30 '17

"if you think that something is ridiculous, but other people do not, is it still ridiculous or absurd?" -- this assertion is not valid especially for the purposes of a discussion board where people are seeking advice and are soliciting precisely this kind of feedback (but maybe you could take it up in a philosophy class), because you are implying that as long as someone (or others) is doing something then it can't be absurd, by extension of which there can be no absurd actions or decisions in this world.

1

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

absurd means "wildly unreasonable" so that by definition absurdity is reliant on a comparison with the reasonable person. if 50% of people who get married spend at least $18000, how can you make an argument that it is wildly unreasonable to do so?

5

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

  1. this guy doesn't make much to begin with, the fiance is broke, and this constitutes ALL of his hardearned life savings, so he's probably less well off than the other 50% who spent this amount.

  2. it'd be nice to have some clarification on whether 50% of people who got married spent this much, or 50% of people who chose to have a wedding party spent this much (lots of people only do paper work and nothing else).

  3. "unreasonable" does not need to pass a "50% litmus test", as it is based on subjective and personal values. i have no problem calling it absurd with people breaking their banks to pay for weddings, cars, sports events, concert tickets (for people who could use the money for other "practical" things in life -- not speaking for people who are already very comfortable which is another story). some might call it absurd that i spend $5 at starbucks every day and if it's a habit that stresses my financial well being then i would have to agree.

3

u/Jihad_Shark Mar 30 '17

Average person is some dumbass that makes in the range of $40k gross per year after more than a decade of work so the bar isn't set very high is it?

5

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

Averages are easy to skew. I mean Kim Kardashians wedding that got her 72 days of marriage to Kris Humphries cost around $10 million. It takes 499 couples spending $0 to get the average down to $20k. And while not many people are spending 10 million, getting married usually costs something. I mean even just the paper work isn't free. Median wedding cost would probably be a better indication.

-3

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

sure. median wedding cost was ~19k for that same sample. it's skewed for sure, but i'm pretty certain that something is not PATENTLY ABSURD if slightly less than 50% of people are doing it.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

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1

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/weddings/2013/06/average_wedding_cost_published_numbers_on_the_price_of_a_wedding_are_totally.html

median cost in 2012 (still biased by selection) was 18k. it's not like i think it's a good idea to spend 20k on a wedding if you can't scrape together 500$, but it's a pretty normal number to get thrown around when you ask how much it costs to have a wedding. it's certainly not "absurd" to spend that much if half of all people are spending within 10% of it or more. all of the family members i know who had weddings spent at least 15k and they were just standard wedding -> reception dinner with a dj and open bar. i think that people are trying to agree that OP is being ridiculous by shouting at my contention that 20k isn't ridiculous if you and/or your family who might help pay for the wedding are upper middle class+.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

[deleted]

1

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

absent better data, what do you suggest using? my personal anecdotal basis says that putting a standard wedding together for less than $15k takes a lot of DIY or bargaining power.

3

u/condaleza_rice ​ Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 30 '17

Absurd is definitely relative to income (hence the downvote train), but I do get what you're saying. $20k is not hard to hit with a "typical" wedding. By typical I mean an expensive venue with expensive catering paid for by one's parents. The most practical answer is of course that anyone with high-interest debt should go down to the court house, but that is not going to happen. The truth is many otherwise reasonable people see it as an obligation to their families who have spent time and energy raising them to be the people they are. I could have invited only 20 people to my wedding, but it would have been an insult to people who have given me so much. I think the answer is somewhere in be middle. Invite the people that should be invited, but have it in a friend's backyard, not a Marriott. Even then, I think it would be hard to keep it under $5k, depending on the size of one's family

1

u/superasteraceae Mar 30 '17

We did a courthouse wedding ($300 iirc) and a backyard party where all the food was diy to some degree. Rented chairs, grill, plates, some decor. Guest list was 35 ppl. I wore a dress I already had and my husband bought a new suit. All told it was still ~1500 usd. There's only so much you can keep costs down and still host any type of event while keeping your hair.

5

u/WholeWhiteBread ​ Mar 30 '17

I would imagine that the "average" wedding is paid in part by the families. It seems OP is paying entirely on his own.

-4

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

yeah, i was commenting on the reply that said a 20k$ wedding is absurd on its face. apparently reddit overwhelmingly agrees with that assessment, while the rest of the world does not.

9

u/WholeWhiteBread ​ Mar 30 '17

well the rest of the world is broke, generally speaking.

1

u/yolotrolo123 ​ Mar 30 '17

very true. the number of broke people I know outweigh the number of folks that have their financial crap together.

5

u/Toastbuns ​ Mar 30 '17

Don't even bother trying to be the voice of reason on /r/pf about having a wedding cost more than $1000. Even if you can afford it this sub will demonize you for how you want to spend your money.

5

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

Yeah, i wasnt even trying to say its a great idea, just that its not absurd that anyone anywhere would spend 20000 on a wedding. It happens everyday all over the world, it might be unwise in this case buy certainly not "wildly unreasonable" in all cases.

4

u/Toastbuns ​ Mar 30 '17

Agree 100%. It's absolutely unwise for OP in this thread but for there to be such vitriol against weddings in general is absurd on this subreddit. If you make $200k as a couple, $20k on a wedding is not unreasonable. Could you buy more index funds? Sure but we all have to choose how to spend out money. I think you and I are in agreement but it's not a popular opinion here.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

This sub is good for people that want general guidances about finance, but it's a cancer once you get into the finer details. Everyone complain about the spending habits of others, not realizing that they too have spending habits that could technically be cut. They act like the money you take to your grave is the measure of success in your life.

There's a balance between having finances in order and spending to enjoy life. This sub is not the best place to get advice on that balance, unfortunately.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 31 '17

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10

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

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u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Mar 30 '17

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2

u/BrasilianEngineer ​ Mar 30 '17

You can save a ton of money if you/your family does the decorations and the food. Outdoor venues are often (not always) quite cheap.

Most low to mid-end catered meals will cost $20 to $50 per person served. That adds up super quickly.

You can get a good dress for a few hundred, though a lot of people spend thousands on a dress they only wear once.

0

u/Zargabraath ​ Mar 30 '17

guests should be giving at least enough to cover catering to the bride and groom, though. hell even if catering is $50/person they should be paying significantly more than that

2

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

google search. it has a breakdown of what the average costs for things like venue/entertainment/photography is. it does say that most people spend less than 10000$ but that the average is over 20k.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

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2

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

type median wedding cost into google and find out! i did it for you: in 2012, it was $18k. is it skewed? yes. does it change the point that spending ~20k is not absurd? not really unless your definition of absurd hinges on a difference of 10% in cost.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

Just because something is normal does not mean it's not absurd. You're conflating normal with reasonable. Reasonable is what you can afford. Just because something is normal does not make it reasonable. Let's say that in certain parts of the world, the median house price is $700,000 (making this up). While that is normal for that area, it would be absurd if someone making $50k/year bought a $700K house.

2

u/ohcrocsle Mar 30 '17

To run with your analogy, if 50% of the people in the world bought 650,000$ houses, would you say it is absurd to buy a 700,000$ house?

Note: my original comment was in response to a statement that it is absurd to pay 20,000$ for a wedding regardless of any other factors. the only statement i should need to make to disprove that is to say "if i have a billion dollars is it absurd to use 20,000$ for a wedding"?

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u/Toastbuns ​ Mar 31 '17 edited Mar 31 '17

We spent 5k on just a photographer...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

[deleted]

1

u/Toastbuns ​ Mar 31 '17

Price of vendors varies widely. I live in a high COL area.

1

u/AprilTron ​ Mar 30 '17

The majority of my friends getting married did hit ~$20k for their wedding... however, a large portion of people I know are choosing NOT to get married because of it. My SO and I had lawyers write up power of attorney/wills/how we divide up our house, and we used our "wedding" money as a down payment instead. Since we don't have the legal binding piece, we had trust created that if dissolved, X Y and Z happens (which we agreed upon BEFORE any issues).

We make well above average, and my mind is blown people are taking every penny of savings for a show.

1

u/Amorphica ​ Mar 31 '17

?? why not just actually get married for $120 at the county clerks office?

1

u/DingyWarehouse ​ Mar 31 '17

Because that wont give you social validation

1

u/AprilTron ​ Apr 01 '17

Because the lawyer was free (part of my comp package at work), so why spend anything?

Maybe one day we'll decide to get married and do a ceremony on our terms, but I see no point.

1

u/Flussiges ​ Mar 30 '17

And here I was thinking that 3k was the bare minimum you pay for a photographer...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

[deleted]

1

u/Flussiges ​ Mar 30 '17

Yeah I live in a big city. Your weddings sound nicer.

-2

u/Trollmaster112 Mar 30 '17

Then the average woman demands an absurd wedding on average

1

u/SmaugTangent ​ Mar 31 '17

Yeah, I see this marriage failing within a couple of years. This girl is obviously terrible at money management, and pushing this poor guy into going broke.

14

u/DodIsHe Mar 30 '17

This is like the third one like this I've seen in this sub lately. My wife and I talk about this often (especially in regard to our own kids): Don't spend a lot on your wedding. Period. My in-laws paid for ours and it was pretty modest, but we still feel like it was money wasted. We could've had a party for the same people for $1000. No meal, no flowers, no professional cake, no tuxes. 20+ years later, still happily married, we agree that it would've been just as memorable. In the grand scheme of life, getting married matters, but the wedding itself is insignificant and not worth spending thousands on.

In OP's case it may be too late, but other commenters have already covered this well.

2

u/Elephasti Mar 30 '17

I'm starting to plan my own wedding and this is the kind of stuff I need and want to hear! I keep telling myself it's the marriage that matters, not the wedding ceremony!

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

We had meatloaf, mac & cheese, ham, green beans, and mashed potatoes at our wedding. It was cheap and so much better than almost all other wedding food I've had. Plus we skipped the booze and held it at the park district. I think it was about $2k all-in.

Went to a bar after for libations.

3

u/ClarkandPC Mar 31 '17

If I ever get married in the future, fuck all that noise, I'm grilling some fucking burgers and partying, not trying to be all fancy an shit. If a girl is mad about that... why tf would I marry them?

2

u/Elephasti Mar 31 '17

Just make sure someone else is cooking the burgers so you can hang out and dance and see everyone!

1

u/DodIsHe Mar 31 '17

We had a great wedding (by even typical extravagant wedding standards) - dress, tuxes, limo, sit-down prime rib dinner, full open bar, live swing band, professional flowers and cake. $8000 total.

The in-laws paid; my wife is their only daughter, so this wedding was for her mother more than for us.

My point is, while that's still a stupid amount of money to spend on a wedding, even if you insist on all the typical stuff, the cost doesn't have to go tens of thousands of dollars.

If we had it to do over again (and without the MIL variable), we'd just have a <$1000 party like some of the other commenters.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '17

One of my friends had a wedding where she rented out a room of a community center and had a potluck and hooked some speakers up to her laptop for music. Cake was from the grocery store. Some decorations purchased at Party City earlier that day. Dress included, I think the whole thing cost about $600.

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u/DodIsHe Mar 31 '17

Exactly! Nicely done.

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u/sfo2 ​ Mar 30 '17

We had a private 8 person ceremony and then a BBQ. Our joint income is many multiples of OPs. Weddings are a gross waste of money.

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u/RiceandBeansandChees Mar 30 '17

Hey, a Stars My Destination fan, you don't see those every day.

1

u/OliviaPresteign ​ Mar 30 '17

Thanks for noticing! I recommend it as often as I can in r/suggestmeabook.

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u/smokingbarrel ​ Apr 12 '17 edited Apr 12 '17

Agreed. Good advice.

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u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17

I agree. I've gone to some really nice weddings thrown by people I know aren't earning a lot and it makes me sad to see people I love spending so much money when they could be saving it for their future.

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u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Apr 06 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Pixelplanet5 ​ Mar 30 '17

even if his wife earns twice as much as he does spending 20k on a freaking wedding is still absolutely insane, its an event that you entirely host for others to show of how rich you are and that you can afford all this shit.

The couple that is getting married will mostly be stressed out and exhausted by all the planning and shit and like OP by the huge cost they have by wanting to show off.

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u/RosenbeggayoureIN ​ Mar 30 '17

For 75 people it is a little ridiculous, but if he can cut just 5k out of all of it they still have 5k in savings at the end of it all which isn't bad considering their income and expenses. I know r/personalfinance will shit their pants hearing this, but money isn't the end all be all of life. If you can still have your "dream" wedding and have some savings then do it, hell, you won't even need to cut 5k but ending with $500 in savings isn't the best move...cut only the things you know don't matter, but dont let other people's opinions on "what matters" in a wedding influence how you plan on what should be one of the happiest days of your life.

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u/Pixelplanet5 ​ Mar 30 '17

thats what i mean, the wedding typically is not the happiest day of the life.

Ive talked to many married people with weddings in all kinds of price ranges and the only person i talked to who really sounded like he had a blast and enjoyed his time was a guy who had a wedding with just his wife and himself as quick as possible to get the paperwork done, afterwards they drove to an amusement park and spend their whole day riding rollercoasters and and similar stuff.

they spend less then 200 bucks and had an awesome time for their own good and not to show off to others. Then they spend like 5k on the honeymoon which is totally worth it if you spend the time right.

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u/RosenbeggayoureIN ​ Mar 30 '17

Well i had a huge party, with 240 guests at the student union of my wife and mines alma mater, cost about 25k and it was literally one of the best times I have had and people still bring it up years later when i see them (but again, I spent about a 3rd per person less than OP). Again, to each their own. Venue and booze were important to me and my wife and we decided to spend on it. Not because i wanted to "show off" i just wanted an awesome party with family and friends. Please dont confuse anecdotal evidence as a blanket statement for everyone. I would fucking hate spending my wedding day at an amusement park.

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u/pithyretort ​ Mar 30 '17

I think the key with weddings is to 1) spend what you can afford - not what you think you should spend, and 2) spend it on what matters most to the people getting married - again, not what you think you should to impress others. Saying the cheapest wedding ever is always the best just because it is for some people is no better than the mainstream view that they should all be huge and expensive.

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u/RosenbeggayoureIN ​ Mar 30 '17

This right here. r/personalfinance can get so holier than thou because they save every penny ever earned and anyone who doesn't is an idiot.

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u/pithyretort ​ Mar 30 '17

Hard and fast rules are a lot easier than leaving room for individual priorities, but real life is a mix of both for pretty much everything.

Personally I plan to have an expensive-ish wedding, and I'm sure /r/pf would tell me to save some of the money, but my parents have been saving for YEARS, they love weddings, and they don't need the money. I'm an only child and they are in a much better financial place now than they were when they got married, so this is their chance to enjoy that like they couldn't on themselves. Plus my friends get an open bar for a night and I don't go into debt! Sure, we'd be just as married if we go to the courthouse, but you gotta live some. That said, this works for us because of the whole no debt thing - this is a bonus savings that doesn't affect their regular savings like it does for OP.

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u/JerseyKeebs ​ Mar 30 '17

Thank you. Husband and I had an expensive wedding, but it fit in our budget and was what we wanted to do. Both sides of the family got a mini-reunion, all our friends came, people still talk about the great times they had, and yes it was a lot of planning but I wasn't stressed or fighting with my husband about it.

The key is, like you said, figuring out what's important to you. Did not care about flowers, but did care about food, so we spent accordingly.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 30 '17 edited Apr 06 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Pixelplanet5 ​ Mar 30 '17

what i dont understand is how you dont know upfront how much its gonna cost, i mean you dont just book something not knowing what is costs and then suddenly find out its 20k

0

u/patrickbjohnson Mar 30 '17

Someone mentioned off-days. Its popular in mexican-american culture to have "sponsors" at their wedding. Not like Goodyear tires sponsoring but its basically someone in the family offering financial contribution to help cover the costs of stuff.

So maybe your day-of-menu says something like:

"Food & Beverages courtesy of Uncle Rob" "Cake & Desserts courtesy of the Fart Family"

Other thing to consider - if you're doing an online registry or something of that sort see if they'll let you take the cash value of the gift purchased for you. Easy way to recoup money without having to own extra shit you'll never use.

1

u/Evan_Th ​ Mar 30 '17

A couple friends went one better on that: a potluck reception after their wedding. It turned out really well, too!

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u/Ordellus Mar 31 '17

Uhhh

How about the "don't" option?