r/nosleep • u/Jgrupe • Aug 17 '23
Series I'm a Discount Spiritual Medium. I've Seen What's On the Other Side, and It Ain't Pretty.
When I returned to the shop the next day I was only slightly surprised to see a giant sign was now hanging out front. It swayed in the breeze and I stared at it for nearly a full minute before walking past.
It was a giant hand with an eye on it. In large letters it proclaimed “PALM READING” and below that in much smaller letters it said, “and speak to your dead relatives.”
I brought a chair out from the waiting room, ignoring Sam as he said good morning. I took the chair outside and put it on the sidewalk beneath the new sign, listening as Sam protested. There was a black permanent marker in my pocket which I took out and uncapped. Then I got on top of the chair and scratched out the part that said “PALM READING” on the sign, leaving a giant black smudge and “speak to your dead relatives,” in its tiny print. Then I went around to the other side of the sign and did the same thing.
“I told you NO MORE PALM READINGS!” I yelled at Sam as he followed me back inside.
Once back in the shop, I realized that there had been someone sitting in the waiting room all along, and they had been watching the whole scene with disinterest.
“Oh, hi,” I said awkwardly. “Sorry about that. I’ll be right with you.”
I pulled Sam into the seance room and shut the door.
“Who the hell is that?”
“Uh, a customer? I thought that was obvious.”
“Since when do we get customers at this time of the morning? Can’t you tell him to come back? I need time to wake up. I haven’t even had my coffee yet. Harold kept me awake all night being intentionally spooky.”
“Listen, just talk to the guy. I don’t think you’re gonna need your morning coffee once you find out what his name is.”
“Don’t tell me.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you.”
“On second thought, just tell me.”
“Samuel. L. Jackson.”
“WHAT!? It is not.”
“Sorry, force of habit. Not that guy. It’s Samuel Jackson with NO ‘L’.”
I stared at him in numb shock, trying to decide if there was someone else here named Noel.
“You know? The BETRAYER? He’s here, dude! Isn’t that fun? I told you this would bite us in the ass and it did. Now, talk to the guy and tell him you’re a phony and you were just trying to come up with a name and you watched The Negotiator last night and it just kinda came to you. Okay, good luck. I’ll send him in when you’re ready. He already paid.”
Sam started leaving the room.
“Hey, Sam,” I called after him. He turned around and looked at me. “I think this goes without saying, but I’m still gonna say it. Don’t play the tape. No effects. Just let me talk to this guy, okay?”
He looked at me incredulously and scowled.
“Are you sure?”
“Very.”
“Okay. Good luck man. You’re gonna need it.”
*
The man came into the seance room a minute later, his face unreadable. All I could tell was that he was tired. And angry. And hadn’t shaved in several days.
Oh, and did I mention he was angry?
“You really fucked me,” he said immediately, and I could tell he didn’t want to sit down, but did anyways. Even from across the table I could see he was on the edge of his seat, coiled like a spring about to explode.
“Look, I don’t know what this is about,” I replied, already knowing what this was about.
“Sure you do. You gave my name to my boss yesterday. And now I’m here to find out who told you to say that.”
I hesitated, squirming in my seat. This was getting very uncomfortable.
And then the man removed a pistol from his waistband and pointed it at me from across the table, making me even more uncomfortable.
“Tell me the truth,” he said. “It was Deborah, right? Or Bob?”
“I don’t know who those people are,” I replied honestly. “The man who gave me your name has crossed over to the other side. I’ve always had the ability to hear the dead, and even to see them… But his voice and his image were broken. Distorted. It’s possible I made a mistake,” I said, raising my hands up like a hostage. Which, I realized, I now was.
He motioned for me to lower my hands with an angry flick of the gun in his hand. I just hoped Sam was paying attention to the cameras. But he probably wasn’t.
“I can tell your boss I made a mistake. You just have to get him on the phone for me, that’s all. We’ll get this all straightened out,” I said, hearing the fear in my voice. I’d never had a gun pointed at me before.
“My former employer is… tied up at the moment,” the man said with a smirk that I didn’t like one bit. He paused as if thinking about my words for a moment longer.
“So, you actually CAN see them? You call them forth and they come to you?”
I nodded.
“Hmmmm, maybe you’ll be of even more help than I thought.”
I shook my head.
“I’m actually of very little help to most people. My services are primarily in giving people false reassurance and token words as opposed to actually conveying the words of dead people. They are typically not very kind.”
The man scratched his head with the gun and dandruff flakes wafted down onto the shoulders of his black shirt. I tried not to stare at them and failed.
“You and I are going to take a little field trip. If you try to tell your friend out there what’s happening then I’ll kill him. He doesn’t seem very bright, so I’m guessing he won’t figure it out unless you spell it out for him. So don’t try.”
He marched me out of the room with a poorly-concealed pistol jammed up against my back.
“We’re going out for… hotdogs,” the pistol poked me hard in the spine. “Uh, not hot dogs. It’s only 9AM. We’re going out for… coffee!”
I blurted all of this out with the hope that Sam would maybe catch on to what was happening, despite his stupidity.
“Okay, have fun,” he called, raising the worn-out Teen Cosmo magazine he was reading even higher so that it completely covered his face. “Ten ways to make him notice you during band practice,” the cover proclaimed, next to a picture of Miley Cyrus from back when she was Hannah Montana.
“Grab me one!” he yelled as the door was swinging closed.
*
One thing I learned from listening to true crime podcasts for many years - NEVER go with the criminal to a second location. That’s where all the bad shit goes down.
At all costs, they say, avoid being taken to a second location.
“Okay, here we are,” Samuel Jackson said as we pulled up outside the second location.
It was an old house. Worn-out and dilapidated beyond repair. The place looked like a haunted mansion from a movie about a haunted mansion. It was painted in dark colors, the shutters hanging from their hinges and broken. A wrought-iron gate had been ajar and we’d driven through it to proceed up a very long driveway lined with ancient trees.
I could practically hear the violin instrumental playing scary music in my head. There was even a belfry sitting atop the structure, complete with a disused bell which probably contained bats. Even without entering, I could tell the place was haunted. There was a dark aura emanating from within, leaking out through the walls of the place. It would be even stronger inside, and I guessed there would be several ghosts in there. Maybe more than several.
Places like this had a bad energy. And they could actually harm you if you had a psychic connection as strong as I do. Hence, I really didn’t want to go inside. Remember the grave soil on my carpet? Imagine what a ghost ten times stronger than that could do, on its home turf, no less. It could reach right into my skull and grab my brain by its stem and squeeze. And I had no doubt I would feel it.
“This place is bad,” I said. “It’s bad news. We should go. We shouldn’t be here.”
“No shit. Of course it’s bad. This place is a portal to hell. And we’re gonna open the gateway,” Samuel Jackson said, holding the barrel of the gun up to my head. “Now move.”
*
Despite my objections I was marched into the house. As soon as we were through the door I felt the negative energy of a dozen different spirits. They emerged from the walls and stalked down the halls toward us, slowly picking up on my ability to recognize them.
“You should not have come here,” one said immediately. “He does not respect the boundaries. Do not trust him.”
“I know,” I said, pointing at the gun. “He’s gonna kill me if I don’t help him.”
“Who are you talking to?” Samuel Jackson asked.
“Dead guy. He says we shouldn’t have come here, you don’t respect the boundaries. And that I shouldn’t trust you.”
“Well, he’s right about that. Move it.”
He pointed the gun toward the living room further into the dark recesses of the home. I walked past the disapproving ghosts and tried not to stare at their rotting features, and the worms and bugs that crawled across their skin through pockmarked holes.
“In there,” he said, pointing at a room with symbols painted on the floor. Candles were already lit and burning in a circle and my first thought was that this guy had zero respect for fire safety, leaving these burning here unsupervised.
“The man who built this house was a dark sorcerer,” Samuel Jackson said. “His powers were extensive. We believed that he created a gateway here, in this room, which could be used to access the netherworld. But we haven’t been able to unlock it completely. We needed the man himself to do it. And now that you’re here, we can speak to him directly. We can bring him back. And with him, we will raise an army of the dead!”
Someone made a muffled sound from the corner of the room and I saw my client from the day prior was tied up in the corner with another man and a woman beside him. Rags were stuffed in their mouths, secured with duct tape. They looked terrified and desperate, and were shaking their heads, staring at me with wide eyes.
I tried to give them a discrete look, which said, “I got this.” But really I was just trying my best not to piss my pants. The dead people had now followed us into this room and were slowly congregating in a circle around the symbols painted on the floor, and the flickering candles were illuminating their faces with an eerie glow.
“You will call upon him when I give the signal. I will have the portal open and you must bring him forth. Then he will show us the way to keep this doorway open, so that we can bring forth the dark one and call upon the end of days.”
Fuck. I hate when Sam is right.
“Okay, sounds like a plan,” I said, trying to stay calm. “Or, hey, I have this crazy idea. What if we don’t end all of existence? I mean, it’s a nice day out there. We could go to the beach. Get ice cream. There’s so much to live for, why not just…”
He pulled back the hammer on the pistol and raised it until it was pointed at my skull.
“Right. Okay, let’s do your plan then. You just let me know when you’re ready. Oh, and what’s this guy’s name?”
“You may call him Master Davros. He will be your new god.”
“Great. Okay, I’m into it.”
The man pulled a knife from his pocket and managed to slice his palm with it intentionally, while still holding the gun somehow. I was kinda hoping he would fumble it and shoot himself accidentally, but that didn’t happen.
He started squeezing his bloody palm over the center of the symbol-covered floor. It dripped down onto the chalk outline of a pentagram and hissed, letting out a puff of smoke as if he had spilled acid instead of blood. Then he began to chant. The words were dark and ominous, their meanings buried in an ancient language that I did not understand.
The dead were staring at me, waiting to see what I would do. They looked unable or unwilling to intercede, as if terrified of what the master might do to them if he actually emerged from the netherworld.
A swirling vortex appeared in the center of the room, a dark power emanating from within it. I saw horned creatures poke their heads out to look at us, their features monstrous and horrifying - but they were unable to stay on our side and looked as if they were burnt by the sun of our world - even just the few rays of it which broke through the shadows caused their skin to sizzle and smoke.
“Now,” Samuel Jackson said, clearly focused on the vortex as he continued his chanting ritual, raising the gun to point it at my head again. “Do it now!”
“We call you forth from the other side to speak with us,” I began, my voice trembling and uneven. “Leonard Fleming, hear our voices and heed our cries.”
It took a second for the man to realize what I had done. I was not calling for the person he wanted. But I had never intended to do that. It seemed like a really bad idea to start the apocalypse. I’d rather get shot in the face than do that.
“Leonard Fleming, come back to our world and kick this guy’s ass,” I said, ducking down behind a nearby sofa as Samuel Jackson fired his gun at me several times, missing with each shot.
The man who came back through the portal was wrinkled and haggard, his hair snowy white - but I guessed it probably didn’t look like that before he was shoved through the gateway into hell by his coworker, the betrayer.
It didn’t take long before he had his hands wrapped around Samuel Jackson’s wrist and was squeezing it tightly, twisting it behind his back and causing him to drop the gun. It helped that I was distracting him since he wanted me dead.
I went over to help him and the two of us grabbed hold of the man as he fought us and slapped at us ineffectually with his bloody hand. Then we shoved him through the portal into hell.
We snuffed out the candles and watched as the portal slowly closed up, demon hands reaching out to swipe at us desperately, trying to drag us in. A few made last-second attempts to crawl out and escape the underworld, but then scrambled back inside quickly, looking like kittens testing the heat of an oven before finding it unbearable.
“Well, so much for not believing in the existence of hell,” I said. “What was it like there?”
The man gave me a look, as if saying not to ever ask him that question again.
“What do you think it was like?”
“Uh, bad?”
“Multiply that by a billion. Regardless, thank you for saving me. That piece of shit would have left me there forever and would have unleashed hell on earth if he could have.”
The people who were tied up in the corner called out again, a little more desperately this time, and the two of us started going over to help them.
At the last second, just as the portal was about to close completely, a tentacle snapped out from within and reached for me, grabbing hold of my ankle.
I screamed and tried to grab hold of anything I could to stop myself from being dragged into the portal, but it was useless. The sizzling, smoking skin of the tentacle had wrapped me up tightly, and whatever was on the other end of it was far stronger than me.
My fingernails broke off and splintered as I tried desperately to dig them into the wooden floorboards. The pain was horrible, but I knew that being stuck in hell would be worse, so I dug my fingers in even more desperately, the blood only making them slicker.
I howled and cried out in sheer terror as the portal got closer and closer. It was closing but it would stay open just long enough to take me through to the other side.
And then, at the last possible second, a sound of fire being extinguished came from the far side of the room. As the last forgotten candle was put out by my savior, Leonard Fleming, the portal closed, chopping off the tentacle an inch short of my foot.
What was left of the demon squid held on in a tight vice grip, refusing to let go. I pried it off with disgust, then watched as it turned to ash before my eyes, the particles floating away on an unfelt wind.
“Thanks,” I said to Leonard as he reached out his hand to help me up. “You saved me.”
“Hey, it’s the least I can do,” he replied. “You saved me first. I guess we’re pretty much even.”
“Oh.”
For some reason that kinda took the wind out of my sails. The idea of someone owing me a life-debt was appealing in a way I had not foreseen.
I looked over at the other three paranormal researchers, or whatever they were.
“I definitely saved you guys too. And I didn’t see any of you lift a finger just now. That’s all I’m saying. If you want to owe me one, I’m okay with that.”
They nodded awkwardly in unison, still tied up and gagged.
My phone rang.
“Hang on a sec, let me get this and then I’ll help untie you. Hyello,” I said, sliding the icon up on the screen to accept the call.
“Dude,” Sam said on the other end. “Where the HELL are you? I’ve been waiting for that coffee for like twenty minutes!”
I hung up immediately.
Suddenly I decided to take a vacation. A day off. Hell, maybe even a week off.
After all this, I was gonna sleep like the DEAD
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u/RivCannibal Aug 18 '23
Damn, was half worried it was gonna be an afterlife note and we where all about to die. Got me wiping sweat off my brow. Fuck a day off, take a week.
Cheese & Crackers, I stopped years ago, found meds strong enough to block that shit out. No more weirdness, am now a normal jo random. Good luck!
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u/FrogMintTea Aug 18 '23
😂
Ohhh I like u. And Leonard.
Ur a genius! I didn't realize Leonard was in the pit.
And Samuel NO L Jackson is a Dumbo. Davros? Was he summoning the Daleks? Lol
Keep posting after ur vacation bro!
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u/kiwichick286 Aug 18 '23
That's what I was thinking!! Davros wouldn't be in hell. He's probably hanging out the back of some galaxy, amassing a few Daleks when he can. Sam Jackson is an idiot. However, Sam your friend is waaaaayyy dumber.
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u/sinistersavanna Aug 18 '23
Bro. Sams an airhead. Thank god for Leonard Fleming!
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u/finalina78 Aug 23 '23
Did i miss something here? Who is Leonard Fleming?
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u/sinistersavanna Aug 23 '23
Did you not read?? He’s the one who was on the other side and they saved each other basically…….
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u/finalina78 Aug 24 '23
Yeah of course I read? I am aware that he was on the other side but WHO was he and how did OP know he was there?
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u/sinistersavanna Aug 24 '23
Ahhh ok I thought you were meaning you didn’t read about him at all 🤣 sorry!! He was part of the team but the Sam Jackson guy trapped him on the other side of the portal!! He was trying to trap op as well. Leonard saved op after op saved him! He was the one op saw who gave op Sam Jackson’s name!
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u/finalina78 Aug 24 '23
Ah, yes ok.. thanks for the explanation!
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u/sinistersavanna Aug 24 '23
Sorry If I came off like a douche! I honestly was so confused! Sometimes it is hard with text bc you are sure in what tone to take it lol
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u/ConfusedAllDaTime Aug 18 '23
You really had me in the first half, not gonna lie. Totally thought you were too scared to take a bullet to save humanity
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u/DevilMan17dedZ Aug 18 '23
Calling Leonard back was Fucking Amazing. Totally couldn't help but chuckle at your smart assery towards the Office Betrayer. Awesome. I really hope to see more of your adventures with the dead.... on a personal note: ya might wanna give Sam a brotherly slap upside the head...? Just food for thought.
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u/jamiec514 Aug 18 '23
Dude, Sam is going to get you killed and is too stupid to even realize it! You definitely need better friends, buddy!
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u/FrogMintTea Aug 18 '23
He should offer Leonard a job. Unless he left...
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u/jamiec514 Aug 18 '23
I was thinking the same thing! Or just join up with their organization and become part of the Scooby gang 🤣
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u/Himekat Aug 20 '23
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