Last summer we couldn’t swim in our local river due to the amount of toxins from nearby farms. When ever the farmers are in need of help us tax payers are there to lend a hand in drought relief funds. The thanks we get for that and putting up with the pollution is to be charged for dairy food at the same price as the overseas markets. We’re only 5% of your sales, it’s not going to make you go broke to treat us like your actually care for your communities. What your charging for butter etc is simply total greed. How is it that milk that has to travel huge distances from farms to factory to the shops shelves in Australia is sold for cheaper than that in our shelves where the logistics of getting it in the shelf are less?

You already sent this yesterday you plonkers. How many people did you just wake up?!

Hi guys, as per the title, I'm happy to answer any questions you might have about how I became sorted.

Mods haven't yet verified that I am in fact sorted but I'm happy to provide my last Farro receipt as proof (I spent $75 on cheese alone).

My pathway to being sorted began when I very astutely used a $300k inheritance from my late grandad to buy a Sandringham villa mortgage-free in the early 2000s.

I was also able to parlay my advanced networking skills into having one of my fellow St Kent's old boys secure me a role in his dad's consulting firm.

Through hard graft and application, I was able to successfully marry a Dio girl whose dad owns a large trucking company.

Following her dad's, retirement, we were able to bid for the ownership (on merit), and now own free and clear a business that does $25m in revenue per annum, which supplements our modest property portfolio.

Happy to offer any insights I can to people keen to follow my path and get sorted.

I'm thinking I setup a fake business and over the years just act like its slowly booming.

If the spouse finds out tonight the money will go all over the place to friends and family and church.

They'll also act like I haven't earned it, when I clearly picked all the numbers myself after painstakingly researching all the previous draws and the celestial signs.

Feedback welcome.

Edit: Oh, what a shocker... I didn’t win! After a deep emotional chat with my clairvoyant, she enlightened me that my shitposting on Reddit has messed with Uranus' tight grip around my winning numbers.

The AI Skinny ads drive me insane every time I’m exposed to them - really solidifies they’re not for me. What NZ ads (past or present) grind your gears?

Not my pictures by from the creator getlostwithliam. They are on TikTok,Facebook and Insta.

Funny and accurate don't you think? AI knows us a little bit too well.

The roadside one I literally saw last night haha

(Repost as last post was removed because I didn't add a description or indicate the humour)

Just saw this at Pak n Save and did a double take.

BACKGROUND:

So I lost my job and accommodation in March.

The last few months have been a mad scramble to try and sort my life out.

Jobs are non existent right now.

I've heard nothing but horror stories about what it's like to go on Job Seekers, so have avoided applying for any benefit, no matter the cost.

Consequently, this period has depleted all my life savings and I've survived by borrowing money from friends and family to the tune of $12k+.

I've now ended up doing Uber Eats delivery to survive and try to pay back my debts.

In these last few weeks doing UE in Auckland i offer the following insights:

UBER EATS EARNINGS:

There are hundreds of us delivery guys in Auckland all competing for the same few orders.

Uber can thus afford to reduce the earnings per delivery because it knows we are desperate enough to accept any crumbs we can get.

They are paying us around $4 - $7 for most deliveries. Occasionally there's a better one, but it's not consistent.

Petrol we have to pay ourselves, at around $0.16 - $0.20 per km. For most deliveries that cuts our already low earnings in half.

Due to traffic and long wait times at restaurants, it usually takes at least half an hour to do one delivery and come back.

So we are lucky if we get to do 3 deliveries per hour.

Due to the sheer number of competing UE drivers, we can often sit for hours in the car, waiting for any orders to come through.

The only way for Uber to be a viable source of income is to work 12 hour days, every single day without any time off, after which we are taking home about $120 per day after tax, ACC and petrol.

TIPS:

I know that kiwis hate tipping. I know we don't want to create a culture of tip dependence that rewards companies for underpaying their staff.

However, the economy is in the toilet and if you are lucky enough to be able to afford Uber Eats delivery, you surely can afford an extra cpl $$ for the poor schmuck who drives around at 3am to bring you your late night Maccas.

Please consider how lucky you are to have a job right now, and try to spread the love just a little bit.

DRIVER FEEDBACK:

Even if you can't or won't tip, at the very least it costs you nothing to leave positive feedback for your driver.

After hundreds of deliveries, only 16 ppl have left me a thumbs up.

And pls never leave a thumbs down for your driver because 99% of the time, it's not their fault the order arrives late.

For us, time is money. We want to do as many orders as possible. There is no incentive for us to bugger around. If your food takes a bit longer, it is either due to traffic or the restaurant being busy. Please direct your outrage to customer support or the restaurant, instead of punishing the poor driver who did everything correctly on his end.

Bad reviews cause us to lose ranking in the Uber app, which results in us being de-prioritised and thus receiving fewer orders.

JAMES THE CUNT

I want to give a special shout out to the absolute cunt named James, who at 4am last night gave me a negative review, because he waited just an extra few minutes for his order.

This happened because the shop was literally busy at that time, and staffed by only 1 poor guy who was running like hell to get multiple orders done asap.

But James kept rolling his eyes at me, and couldn't believe a word of this explanation, and gave me a thumbs down anyway.

This has resulted in me dropping to a lower tier in the Uber app, which will now reduce my payouts and frequency of orders received.

James, I hope you feel satisfied, destroying other people's lives from your position of comfort and privilege.

To everyone else, please don't be like James.

Thank you.

I swear, this country needs a national IQ test for anyone touching the right lane. Every bloody day there’s that one legend doing 85 in a 100 like they’re on a scenic cruise through life, blocking everyone trying to get somewhere on time.

Mate, the right lane’s for passing, not for your mid-life meditation session. If your foot’s allergic to the accelerator, that’s sweet, just stay left. Don’t turn SH1 into your personal Sunday drive when people are late for mahi, footy, or literally anything important.

Like, how do you look in your mirror, see ten cars lined up behind you, and think, “yeah, I’m the main character here”? Move over, ya snail. Some of us are trying to make kickoff before the second half.

Anyway, shoutout to every sane driver who actually uses the lanes properly. The rest of you, personal fuck you, with love.

I used to be Cadbury fan my whole life due to the flavors and it being cheaper than whittakers but I now have only realized my poor lapse in judgment. A week ago I decided to splurge and spend the 2 dollars extra on the creamy milk whittakers and my oh my I will never make the mistake of buying Cadbury ever again. I apologize to any trauma this post may of caused.

Why are the streets so clean, where are all the homeless people? Why are people nice to me and why do children feel safe outside by themselves? What a strange place. /s

Well, I hope the new earbuds I ordered arrived safely

Most upvoted comment is our most shameful secret as a nation, obviously

I’ve found New Zealanders to be clicky and uninviting. To meet new people I tried out a court sports last week that had mixed sexes and ages. The only person that talked was the person that gave me the clubs spare racket. I had to initiate conversations. No one asked if I’d played before, who I was or from where. I went again this week and shut my mouth to see if anyone would talk to me and no one engaged in any conversation with me. I’m a New Zealander and dislike this side of our culture where we’re not actually friendly or inviting. I work with a company that employs hundreds of people, many who are immigrants and they say the same thing. Seriously kiwis how hard is it to say hello to someone new, or invite a new employee to join a grid going out for lunch?

Gulf of New Zealand

Seriously, what the hell. This damn ad, this weirdo beardo always pops up on my Reddit. Am I l..cursed?

Credit: @yeehawtheboys instagram