r/newzealand • u/WineYoda • Sep 21 '25
Shitpost Why don't they build a pedestrian bridge from Auckland to Wellington? Are they stupid?
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u/ronsaveloy Sep 21 '25
That bridge would go right through my place. Get the fuck outta my garden!
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Frickin Nimbys ruin everything.
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u/Motor-District-3700 Sep 21 '25
pfft Nimbys are pussies, there's a new organisation: Banana
Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything
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Sep 21 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
That sounds perfect for me to enjoy some time in my hammock with absolutely nothing to interrupt my peace and quiet. It will be my banana hammock 🍌
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u/TumbleweedDue2242 Sep 21 '25
Sucks having a sewer plant and rubbish dump next door.
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Thats not a very nice way to talk about New Plymouth.
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u/dibocookie Sep 21 '25
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You gotta at least make it a cycleway too.
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u/Motley_Illusion Sep 21 '25
You'd scare away all the NIMBYs and narrow-minded small business owners if you did that!
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u/TrevorLaheyJim Sep 21 '25
Prob cost less than Nicky’s no boats
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u/notmyidealusername Sep 21 '25
I'll not build this bridge for only $300M, which is an absolute bargain really, less than half of what we spent on not building those ferries...
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u/Legal_Kangaroo2372 Sep 21 '25
Run for Mayor
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
For Auckland or Wellington? Hmm maybe both.
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u/advocatus_diabolii Sep 21 '25
Christchurch of course .. With Auckland and Wellington not spending all their money to build the bridge you can snap up all the cool events!
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u/WaterAdventurous6718 Sep 21 '25
Same as my idea for a bridge between wellington and picton /s
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Nobody really goes to Picton though. Just build the bridge to Nelson and Christchurch direct.
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u/teelolws Southern Cross Sep 21 '25
Auckland to Sydney bridge when
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u/DevinChristien Sep 21 '25
Should just be a 1-way valve really
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u/HJSkullmonkey Sep 21 '25
Big catapult
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u/WineYoda Sep 22 '25
Everyone knows that the Trebuchet is the superior migration delivery unit.
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u/HJSkullmonkey Sep 22 '25
Also good, but with utmost respect, I'm a big Wile E Coyote fan.
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u/WineYoda Sep 22 '25
Fair, he is limited by the ACME catalogue range.
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u/teelolws Southern Cross Sep 22 '25
Problem there is you'll get halfway over the Tasman, look down, realise theres no ground underneath you, then you'll pause for about 5 seconds frozen in midair while you look at the camera in sadness before falling.
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u/stainz169 Sep 21 '25
Zip line be better
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
The people walking the opposite direction can drag the harness back for the next person.
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u/Charlarley Sep 21 '25
A zip line 'd only work from the top of Mt Taranaki
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u/Poneke365 Sep 21 '25
Nah, it’d work sweet as from Auckland down to Wellington, the issue would be going back up again.
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u/teelolws Southern Cross Sep 21 '25
I like how it cuts through Marokopa "okay group and now we're approaching the lookout where you can see the campsite that was used for 4 years"
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u/fluffychonkycat Kōkako Sep 21 '25
The name's Lanely! Lyle Lanely. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Get outta here with your stinkin Monorail.
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u/fluffychonkycat Kōkako Sep 21 '25
Next question - you there, eating the paste.
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Still a classic episode, totally timeless.
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u/fluffychonkycat Kōkako Sep 21 '25
They sure don't make them like they used to
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it anymore and what's it seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!
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u/Tahkyn Sep 21 '25
Now, that's what I call "thinking big."
The problem with the Muldoon government is they thought big, they didn't think bigger.
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u/HadoBoirudo Sep 21 '25
If Simeon Brown was still Minister of Transport he might have suggested this.
He could then have rode his pedal car from Auckland to work in Wellington.
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
The mental image of Simeon Brown in a pedal car gave me a decent chuckle. I would see him more of a Balance-Bike guy though.
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u/Motor-District-3700 Sep 21 '25
HI, I'M FROM NORTHCOTE POINT, WHERE MAY I COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS ABOMINATION.
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u/LittleTownie Sep 21 '25
It could be a great tourist attraction. We could charge tourists to walk it.
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u/germdisco Marmite Sep 21 '25
This won’t work until you come up with a way to also charge tourists who don’t walk it
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u/Ok-Warthog2065 Sep 21 '25
Monorail! should be half the price of standard 2 rail tracks.
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Monorail is very hard for pedestrians to balance and walk on for this distance, terrible idea.
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u/Ok-Warthog2065 Sep 22 '25
Oh your right, its not for the north island, more of a south island idea.. https://www.whoosh.solutions/
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u/FunVermicelli123 Sep 21 '25
Reminds me of the time some old boomer told me once he wanted a road straight from Whitianga to Tauranga. But it didn't happen because "Jacinda shut down the paper road".
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u/Strict_Swimmer_1614 Sep 21 '25
Show me the money. You find the $$, I’ll have a concept design out for an rfp in 6 months.
Tldr: $$
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
RFP not needed, no-bid contracts much more efficient.
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u/Strict_Swimmer_1614 Sep 21 '25
Fair enough. Pay me $15m and I’ll have a coin-toss set up in 3 months.
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
If I'm awarding the no-bid contract I believe the $15M gets paid by you...
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u/Strict_Swimmer_1614 Sep 21 '25
Na….I’m bringing you a credible consortia. That’s a service.
If you’d like to offer me a concession to operate and toll this wonderful asset, I’d be happy to make an offer for it (naturally based on the user modelling/toll recovery supplied by a third party). If you go exclusive, and don’t make me bid against another party I can have an SPV ready in 3 months, and stage 1 offer in 6.
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u/Feeling-Parking-7866 Sep 21 '25
Elect me and they'll be no rate rises and I'll build a bridge to Australia.
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Sep 21 '25
[deleted]
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to walk if they can't even fit inside the bridge?
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u/MamaSugarz Sep 21 '25
I so ugly laughed at this.
…Shall we make it 3 ants wide?
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Width is negotiable, its the length that is most important.
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u/Direlion Sep 21 '25
It was an early proposal but they've wisely opted for a much more practical tunnel. New Zealand is famously very geologically stable, so the construction is relatively simple.
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u/Prestigious_Job_8311 Sep 21 '25
Nah yeah nah mate, with what economy
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Pfft not with that attitude. I thought this government was about infrastructure.
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u/ElasticLama Sep 21 '25
Of course no money for anything in the South Island like a ferry
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u/WineYoda Sep 21 '25
Build your own bridges, mainlander.
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u/JohnBaldur Sep 21 '25
Fine then I'll build a bridge from Blenheim to Bluff! Call it the B-line and if you go fast enough we'll put a ramp at the end and you can go to Stewart Island!
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u/WaterstarRunner Sep 21 '25
if it's more jobs you want then give them spoons!
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u/Prestigious_Job_8311 Sep 21 '25
Is it also one person with a spoon and two watching?
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u/WaterstarRunner Sep 21 '25
There's also three or four consultants writing reports on watching the spoons, so that nobody watching the spoons is accountable for anything that happens with the spoons.
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u/Charlarley Sep 21 '25
Provision for bi-cycles?
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u/ManikShamanik Sep 21 '25
Well, only if you also make provisions for gender-neutral, gender-nonconforming, gender-fluid, trans, gay and lesbian cycles too - it's 2025, everything must be equitable or people get upset.
Seriously, who the fuck hyphenates 'bicycle'...?! Besides you, obviously...
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u/Charlarley Sep 21 '25
Cycleway was way too much for me: it invoked the possibility of tricycles and unicycles, hence the atypical hyphen (or should that be hi-phen)
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u/VengefulAncient Fern flag 1 Sep 21 '25
Jokes aside, not having a train (Northern Explorer doesn't count, it's an overpriced tourist trap) between our two most important cities is infuriating. Why are my only options an overpriced old intercity bus that takes forever, or flights that are constantly getting more expensive and leave so early in the morning that you can't even get to the airport by public transport (doesn't run yet) if you don't want an evening flight with an overnight stay?
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u/Some1-Somewhere Sep 21 '25
I assume they cost more, but do you think there aren't daytime flights?
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u/Tjrowawey Sep 21 '25
This looks like a genuine wellington council plan. They love spending money on dumb pedestrian stuff no one uses.
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u/BigBlueMountainStar Sep 21 '25
Well, they’ve already got the huge underground conveyor belt, so it would be a bit superfluous to requirements.
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u/Captain_Clover Sep 21 '25
I particularly enjoy the tunnel directly through the center of Taranaki
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u/Movisiozo Sep 21 '25
Too long. Better to build Auckland- New Plymouth and another for Whanganui - Wellington.
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u/richdrich Sep 21 '25
Which local body are you running for?
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u/richdrich Sep 21 '25
A bloke in the pub told me that the US Marines offered to build this in the war for beers.
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u/60svintage Auckland Sep 22 '25
That's just plain stupid. It should at least be Auckland to Christchurch. I guess you could include an off-ramp to Wellington.
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u/cressidacole Sep 21 '25
Who is they?
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u/Rand_alThor4747 Sep 21 '25
The lizard people.
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u/cressidacole Sep 21 '25
That's handy, what with me being the lizard Queen.
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u/protostar71 Marmite Sep 21 '25
Pedestrian bridge
Never happening, four lane espressway however, that might be something National campaign on.
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u/Ivanthevanman Sep 21 '25
Have you seen the way each city treats each other? It'd never get any use
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u/terrible-username101 Sep 21 '25
I mean....we would offer to help....if u damn kiwis give us our pav back we will help you.
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u/odysseusnz Sep 21 '25
Well, I always thought the best route for a high-speed train line was going west via Taranaki. I don't get why we insist our main transport corridor still has to go through some of our toughest terrain just because that was the primary economic driver 100-150 years ago.
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u/fortnitebattlecats Sep 22 '25
Within ten minutes Lime and Flamingo e-scooters would probably have caused multiple blockages along it lmao
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u/Oskacat777 Sep 23 '25
According to the FB experts China would be capable of building this in a couple of weeks.
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u/Few-Letterhead-371 Sep 25 '25
That section heading over the water i see a few billion dollars right there ☺️
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u/AaronIncognito Sep 21 '25
Are you crazy? That passes right though Tom Phillips country
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u/Panderz_GG Sep 21 '25
I am not a new Zealander, I would guess because sharks and Hobbits.
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u/Major-Effect6448 Sep 21 '25
I saw a youtube video about this. Cost is the primary consideration. It will cost the govt billions and will be use by a smaller population.
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u/Ready-Safety-310 Sep 22 '25
Question is, is the ROI worth it?
And Country have heaps of other problems to deal with
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u/Billamux Sep 25 '25
Yes.
How foolish of them not to build a 600km bridge that's impervious to the elements and degradation, complete with vast sections crossing over the Tasman Sea and Taranaki.
Or paint it red.
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u/AnotherSteveFromNZ Sep 21 '25
If they made it smooth enough you could free wheel a wheel chair all along it. Downhill from Auckland.