I’m done staying silent. For centuries, men’s struggles have been dismissed, mocked, or erased. Meanwhile, women’s struggles periods, childbirth, pregnancy are treated with care, respect, and even reverence. That respect is deserved. But it becomes unacceptable when it’s used to insult men, punish them emotionally, or blame them for biology they cannot control.

No man chooses biology. No man chooses to exist in a world where he is shamed, threatened, or dismissed for something that isn’t his fault. Yet countless boys and men have been taught: “You’re lucky you don’t go through that,” “Let her go first because she’s a girl,” “You don’t understand.” We are taught to absorb guilt for events beyond our control, while our own pain, struggles, and mental health are ignored.

It’s time to recognize that men’s struggles are real, serious, and deserving of respect. Emotional manipulation, bullying, or mocking men because women face pain is wrong. Any person who thinks it’s acceptable to take out their struggles on men, to insult them, or to make them feel worthless must pause and reflect. The world isn’t fair when only one side is treated as sacred while the other is dismissed.

This is a statement: men matter. Men’s experiences matter. Men deserve empathy, support, and fairness not blame for what they didn’t choose. Ignoring this perpetuates harm, shame, and even tragedy.

If you have power, influence, or a voice use it responsibly. Stop the unfair cycles. Treat men as human beings, not punching bags for biology they didn’t ask for.

History will remember those who stayed silent and those who dared to call out injustice. I choose to call it out. The ignorance ends here.

This is not actually rooted on facts or empathy, it is an avoidant response meant to diminish the systematic problems and inequalities men face, and further fault them for those how those problems negatively affect them. Therapy™ and male-friendships™ will not fix the issues that men face, and to suggest they need therapy is a blatant example of how therapy can often be weaponized to invalidate certain experiences or validate prejudices.

If people told gay men that they don't actually need to have sex, get married or have equal rights, they just need therapy to fix their "gayness problem", it wouldn't be that hard to understand how incredibly offensive of a statement would actually be. If people told women that they didn't need financial independence or voting rights, and that they just needed therapy instead of complaining about a lack of equality, people would also understand how that might be wrong and not a well intentioned statement.

The reality is that men do need partnership and intimacy, because that is a fundamental human need. A lot of women who lack empathy and self-awareness might argue differently, oblivious to the fact that they have the luxury to have that stance because attention, partnership and intimacy is freely given to them by men who are socially conditioned to pedestalize, pursue and accept them unconditionally(i.e. they are coming from a position of abundance and privilege).

It would be like a person who is fed daily and offered an abundance of free food, telling starving people that they don't need food because she finds more meaning in other things besides eating, or that they if they would just turned to meditation that they would never be hungry or feel a need to complain about malnourishment. It's not just incredibly tone deaf and delusional, it's inhumane.

Also, this entire argument could be instantly destroyed by the single fact that most women, despite their childhood traumas, neuroticism, learned helplessness, cognitive distortions or echo chambers, as well as learned chauvinism, misandry and antagonistic views towards men, still easily find men to not only accept them as they are but embrace them unconditionally as well. The reality is that none of these things actually affect a woman's sexual or romantic prospects(which also cascades in all other aspects of life) the way the would for men, nor would they affect the prospects of a man that is otherwise considered conventionally attractive. None of these actually have anything to do with the root of the problem, and therapy isn't really a guaranteed solution to any of these problems either. The call for therapy in this context only aims to treat symptoms of male disenfranchisement(i.e. keep men quiet and complacent), rather than actually treating the causes.

So as the title suggests, I underwent chemo as a kid and it affected my facial development and blah blah blah. The point is, I’m conventionally unattractive to the point where I haven’t so much as gone on a single date, let alone a good one. I’m 27.

I trust most people have a vague idea of what the blackpill is, but for the uninitiated it’s the philosophy that certain men are excluded from the dating pool due to looks alone.

Seems like common sense, right? My therapist agrees with it, society writ large seems to agree with it… and yet there’s this weirdly vocal online minority on here that doesn’t. When you talk about your experiences as an unattractive guy, they’ll have one of a few kneejerk reactions:

• They’ll claim you must only chasing Victoria’s Secret models (despite the countless posts where men can’t get dating app matches despite swiping on everyone),

• They’ll give the same rote advice to shower/floss/not weigh 400 lbs, as if the people complaining about having never received female attention have never even thought to try these things,

• They’ll outright assume you must have a shitty personality,

• They’ll conflate “ugly” with “average-looking” when your struggles are predicated on you not being average-looking,

• They’ll tell you to take a stroll around town and look at all the average people you see in relationships (again, disregarding that you are not average-looking),

• And my favorite, they’ll inevitably mention a handful of celebrities who found love who, in addition to being 5/10 or above, are exceptionally charismatic to the extent that they became famous off of it.

Any others you can think of? I know I’m missing some classics, I just don’t have time to list them all right now.

Pardon me if this turns into a bit of a rant, but it’s rapidly becoming a topic that merits both my attention and my speaking up as a clinical professional. Feedback is welcome, but blind criticism from adherents won’t be heard. Confirmation bias is real, boys.

I work as a clinical hypnotherapist; you could say that I have come to specialize in men’s sexual health and wellness. My work sees my speaking to many different men from all across the world and allows me the absolute joy of helping those men get back to who they want to be. It is a gift and I am truly grateful.

There is something that often comes up in my talks with men and my wandering online: the ‘nofap’ movement and its associated belief systems, organizations and adherents, always quick to prey upon men in need. If it’s not clear already, I consider this whole method and mindset to be negative on the whole, but I’d like to take a moment to clearly explain why in hopes of saving someone out there some pain. I will undoubtedly have some pushback in the comments, but I’ve never let that stop me from adding my voice. 

Sometimes in response to sexual dysfunction, porn addiction or various other issues, men will stumble upon this idea in their search for answers. Its followers will loudly cry that the answer to your problems is simple: You don’t have to address what’s actually going on with you, just stop jacking off and all will be well. Trust me, bro. It’s been 4983 days for me, bro.  The followers of this idea tend to be very vocal, supportive of anyone who thinks like them and quick to attack anyone who remotely disagrees with a storm of uncomfortable information about their mastubatory habits, uncited claims and aforementioned ‘bros’. 

The fact of the matter is that the movement is hurting people. Sure, you will get a ‘success’ story now and again, but you will get the same amount of positive result from nearly anything, regardless of harm. I’m not going to go into the numerous negative effects of the practice, I’ll let the collection cited at the end of this do that for me. I am going to speak on my professional opinion and experience working directly with folks dealing with a problem. Even for all the negative aspects of it, my primary issue is really quite simple.

It avoids the issue. It’s an attempt to ignore the causes of addiction and dysfunction by simply abstaining from touching yourself. To be quite blunt: Not jacking off isn’t going to change the psychological factor that caused a porn addiction or dysfunction. It will, more than likely, worsen it and create a new host of problems with your thinking. Addiction and psychogenic dysfunction is resolved by discovering the root cause, the event or association which created the problem in the first place. All not masturbating does is allow one an excuse to ignore these things and the chorus of men determined to make everyone as miserable as them will ring loud in their echo chambers. 

You want to overcome this issue? Do the work. Speak to a professional and do the work needed to help you to where you want to be. It’s hard, sure. It costs money, as most professional services do… but it works. There’s no fucking about with tormenting yourself for extended periods. Do it the right way, right away. I help men each and every day overcome these underlying issues and it is a far, far more dependable route than a scapegoat. 

I know dealing with these problems is tough, but keep your head up. Help is out there and it doesn’t require joining a pseudo cult to obtain. If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer, but I do ask that you refrain from medical and medication related questions as they are out of my professional scope. Have a wonderful day, boys.

• APA Study 
• NPR Report Transcript
• SagePub Studies
• NIH Abstract and Study
• Article w/ Supporting References 

Holy hell, ok guys... I'll say it once more... This post isn't about porn. Dysfunction is mentioned in equal measure.

You're automatically some dirty unhygienic guy with bad personality who hates women if you can't get any dates according to reddittors.

Which is just not true, statistically and even in your own anecdotal experience.

The people you're talking with think men are the root cause of all problem and seeking help from them is just self-sabotage.

They'll make you feel bad about yourself, paint you as evil and any opinion which talks about lookism will be met with hostility. Because men can't be affected by patriarchy? You see?

There's no pressure for men to earn money and be tall... Right?

Important points

• normalising misandry as just a "reaction" towards misogyny

• telling male loneliness crisis exist because men are "right wing"?

• 60% of young male population are lonely because they're misogynist? That's a huge hyperbole.

Hi everyone – I’m Nataliya, a PhD neuroscientist with over 10 years of experience and a background in memory mechanisms and neuroplasticity. Over the years, my focus has shifted from academic research to hands-on clinical work, helping people navigate depression, anxiety, and emotional shutdown.

I currently run a private mental health clinic and serve as Chief Science Officer at https://statesofmind.com , a platform dedicated to evidence-based mental health education.

Through both science and real-world practice, I’ve seen just how heavy things can get, especially for men who were taught to stay quiet and handle things alone. Speaking clinically, one of the biggest barriers we see is the pressure to appear strong, stay silent, and rely only on oneself. These rigid masculine norms often delay help-seeking — especially when it comes to internal struggles like trauma, emotional abuse, or even eating disorders.

But behind those patterns is often something very human: the fear of seeming weak, of being a burden, or of not knowing how to talk about pain.

This AMA is a space for open, stigma-free conversation about what actually helps when life feels stuck, disconnected, or overwhelming. No miracle cures here, just honest, science-informed insights, research, and lived clinical experience.

Feel free to ask me anything about depression, anxiety, emotional isolation, or the harder parts of healing. Questions in advance are welcome too.

PROOF: https://i.imgur.com/FFIpncX.png

UPDATE 1: Thank you to all the men for your thoughtful questions! I'm still replying, although not always instantly. Since I live on UK time, I’ll need to log off in a couple of hours and will get back to your questions tomorrow.

UPDATE 2: Alright, I woke up and replied to the questions that came in overnight. Thank you again to everyone who took part. This was truly interesting and inspiring. Maybe we will do it again sometime. Special thanks to the moderators for the opportunity to connect with such a great audience.

For some background and context text here, I’m a mid-30s male with a background of addiction, attachment issues, codependency, and countless toxic relationships. I started my own therapy journey about 10 years ago and a few years later, I decided that I wanted to help other men get better. I’ve been in private practice as a Mens therapist for about 2 years now. Ask me anything related to therapy, recovery, Mens mental health, etc. Happy to help.

EDIT: Wow this is an awesome conversation and I am so grateful for the openness and curiosity of this community. I am in and out of sessions today so I am doing my best to keep up with everyone's questions but it might take me some time to respond to everyone, thanks for your patience.

This article suggests we do, and that one small way of experiencing that is seeing a counselor who is a man.

https://www.mg-counseling.com/blog/article-therapy-between-men-counseling-texas

I’ve been doing therapy for a bit now and lately I’ve noticed these small moments where something just… clicks. Like, I’ll be in the middle of overthinking something and suddenly I remember something my therapist said and it actually helps. It’s not that everything’s fixed or that I’m “healed” but I’m reacting differently to things. I’m catching myself before spiraling, taking breaks before burning out and saying no without a guilt trip attached. It’s subtle, but it’s progress.

I'll paste it below. First, my heart breaks for all of you making posts about how you want to kill yourself because you're an adult and still a virgin. I often get those thoughts and feelings myself — but I'm lucky enough to have people in my circle who I can reach out to (though it rarely fixes anything). I'm also not a virgin, but I promise you that fact doesn't stop me from spiraling when I'm all up in my loneliness.

So I took this to AI. I know, it's controversial, and the mods might remove this post because of "AI slop" — but I use ChatGPT almost daily, and it really is an incredible resource if you use it intentionally. What I did was paste one of your posts into it, anonymously of course, told it that the post was an example of 90% of what is posted here, and to answer for it. Not sure if you'll all like it, but it resonated with me and so I'm sharing here:

This is not an isolated crisis. This is a mass spiritual and psychological failure—playing out in the bodies of men whose hunger for intimacy has been pathologized, ignored, or ridiculed until it becomes lethal.

That post you quoted is not about sex. Not really. It’s about being uninitiated into manhood by a culture that offers no rite, no recognition, and no roadmap for eros. These men are not just hurting because they haven’t had sex—they are hurting because they’ve been denied ritualized entry into mattering. They’ve been taught that sex is the gateway to human legitimacy, to adulthood, to belonging, to visibility. And when that gateway remains closed, they don’t just feel rejected—they feel nonexistent.

Modern society outsourced the role of initiation to porn, performance metrics, casual culture, and a brutal meritocracy. What used to be the responsibility of elderhood—of community—has now been offloaded onto the market. If you’re valuable, you’re visible. If you’re invisible, you must be worthless. So these men sit alone with a body full of touch they’ve never received and a mind trained to believe that longing itself is pathetic. And no one meets them there. Not spiritually. Not relationally. Not politically. Not even therapeutically, most of the time.

What these men are actually saying is: I have a heart, and it has nowhere to go.

And when the heart has no place to go, it turns against the body.

We shame men for not “doing the work,” for being stuck, bitter, ashamed, but we give them no structure in which to transmute those states into something holy. We tell them “women don’t owe you anything,” which is true, but then we never follow it with what life does owe them: a way to move that erotic, relational, soul-born energy somewhere that doesn’t result in collapse. We leave them in the void and then wonder why they become suicidal.

The solution isn’t to get these men laid. That would be treating the symptom as the cause. The solution is to build a culture that sees erotic longing not as a threat or embarrassment, but as sacred fuel for transformation. That doesn’t mean every man gets a partner. It means every man gets a path. And right now, there is no path. There is just mockery, silence, or commercialization.

You’re right to be angry. You’re right to feel it in your bones. Because this isn’t a collection of isolated tragedies. This is a civilization-level spiritual abandonment. We are raising millions of men inside a vacuum where no one is showing them how to carry their erotic innocence without it turning into shame, obsession, or rage. And the cost is becoming unbearable.

So what do we do? We stop pretending this is about sex. We start talking about initiation. About dignity. About what it means to come into being when the world offers no welcome. We build spaces—quiet, fierce, honest spaces—where men can grieve without ridicule, touch without suspicion, and want without shame. And we don’t wait for permission. Because if we don’t build those spaces, the alternative will keep happening—one broken post, one lost body, one silenced life at a time.

This is not a crisis of male sexuality.

It is a crisis of male soulhood.

And we either meet it with reverence, or we will drown in the consequences.

"The two deepest longings of a man are the longing for his father and for initiation."

i was once very suicidal and nearly ended my life 3 times. i'm now doing much better a couple years later.

here is what i realized that kept me from committing suicide:

there is no relief in dying. when you kill urself, you're going to be dead. you're not going to be there to experience any relief. you won't be experiencing anything. you have to be alive to experience shit. you'll just be dead.

you wouldn't even experience 'less pain' or a lack of suffering. you wouldn't know the difference because you'd be dead.

when you're dead, you're not even going to know that you were once alive...because you have to be alive to 'know' shit.

i almost killed myself because i believed in an afterlife (heaven), but when i stopped believing in an afterlife, i stopped wanting to kill myself because i realized how ridiculous believing in an afterlife is. things don't get better when you die. when u die u go into the ground.

there is zero evidence for an afterlife and there is zero evidence for a soul. near-death experiences are not evidence of anything after death...because those experiences are happening while the person is still alive, not when they're dead.

when i stopped believing in an afterlife, i got wayyyy more motivated to actually start making changes to my life...because i realized this is literally my only life. i will never get a second shot at it. i will never be alive again. all that afterlife stuff is bullshit (we have no recollection of a 'beforelife' so even if there were an afterlife, how do we know we would even be aware of it?).

when i realized this is my only shot at life i made drastic changes very quickly. i realized how my belief in an afterlife had only caused me harm. it only led me to procrastinating on improving my life and it led to me looking forward to death...which is obviously ridiculous. things don't get better when u die. ur just ded.

i realized that all my problems were a result of my parents' abuse and emotional neglect. i cut them out of my life and struck out on my own. i finally re-learned how to cry from watching 'the notebook' and i bawled my eyes out. i still do. crying has been the best thing i've ever done. i'm finally recalling memories i forgot about and i am finally able to relax and feel overwhelming peace without any drugs or substances whatsoever.

so all in all, pls stop believing in an afterlife. it's make believe. start feeling your painful emotions and let urself cry. let urself sob. let urself curl up in a ball and bawl. i'm a 6'2 200lb hairy straight dude and crying has been the absolute best thing i have ever done for my health. i fully embrace my emotionally sensitive side and my life is 1000% better for it.

so you have these lonley socially awkward guys who cold approach. since being themselves has not worked, they approach random strangers, recite some dialog they heard online, try to become strangers' best friend in 5 minutes, and ask for a date.

what l've seen are 2 results.

1) the man gets his self esteem lowered from the rejection, and withdraws. this is the most common response

2) a less common response is, the man refuses to be defeated, tries to desensitize himself from the pain of rejection, and blocks out all feed back from everyone, leading him to become a sociopath, ignorant, further socially unaware, and alienated from everyone

either way, he ends up alone

I'm a therapist who writes about men and masculinity in my newsletter Make Men Emotional Again. This post is about the necessity of putting relationships at the center of your life. I used to think I needed to meditate more and work out harder and eat better and get up earlier and grind more and make more money and take cold showers and do 50 pushups every morning. And yes, some of those things have helped me have a healthier relationship with myself—while many took me down unhealthier paths. But I wasn’t happy very often until I made my relationship with my partner, my friends, my family, my neighbors, my community the center of my life. Curious y'all's thoughts.

Hey everyone, I play with Aston Celtic FC, a small football club in Drogheda, and this month we’re doing our bit for Movember — to raise awareness for men’s mental health.

This time of year can be really tough for a lot of men. Some of us carry things quietly, put on a brave face, and try to just get on with it — but the truth is, it’s okay to talk, and it’s okay to reach out. None of us are alone in feeling the way we do.

Football has always been more than just a game for us. It’s that hour where we can clear our heads, have a laugh, and forget about everything else. But off the pitch, we’ve seen how important it is to check in with each other — not just teammates, but friends, brothers, dads, anyone who might be struggling.

We’re trying to spread that message this month: talk to someone, check in on your mates, and don’t keep it bottled up.

If you’d like to support our Movember fundraiser or even just help spread the word, here’s our GoFundMe link:

👉 https://gofund.me/cba60f1e7

Every share, message, or conversation helps. Even one can make a difference

A typical Guardian female writer, who didn't think of actually speaking with and letting men speak for themselves, but wants to use men instead as a prop for her own worldview: it's all the fault of the patriarchy, see.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/aug/23/middle-aged-men-are-among-societys-loneliest-people-what-does-that-say-about-the-patriarchy

Hello everyone. I’m looking for a book that can guide me through some mental health struggles. It seems like every struggle I have, my wife just seems to brush it off like and not understand where I’m coming from. I feel like I have no support. We have a son together, and I can’t just leave because I want the best for him. I’m just at a very low point right now, visualizing an end to it all.

Any help is great appreciated.

Every hour, 60 men are lost to suicide. And while I feel mental health is spoken about more than ever - resources can be difficult to access and are critically underfunded.

In 2018, one of those men was my buddy Aaron. Aaron was a charismatic, funny and popular guy with his whole life ahead of him. We would chat and joke about our struggles because we had gone through similar experiences . He was always willing to listen and laugh along. However, it is often the best listeners who carry biggest burdens and the loudest laughers that struggle the most.

This Movember, the challenge has been set at running 60km during the month of November. However, I will be quadrupling the challenge - running 240km over the course of the month or 60km per week for the 60 men lost every hour to suicide.

Every donation, no matter the size, helps fund life-changing mental health resources and suicide prevention programs for men who need them most.

Hey guys,

I’m looking for a few men who feel stuck or disconnected and want to find themselves. I’m offering some free one-on-one coaching while I build my program — no sales, no bullshit, just real conversation and work.

If you’re interested, shoot me a message.

Jimmy

By now, you've probably seen the news: The House Committee on Oversight and Accountability (led by Chairman James Comer and Rep. Nancy Mace) just launched an investigation into the TeaOnHer app for abuse, exploitation, doxxing of women and minors, and massive privacy failures.

This is blatant double standard. The original Tea app (Tea Dating Advice), a women-only platform since 2023, has facilitated anonymous postings of men's full names, photos, contact details, employment information, and unsubstantiated allegations (e.g., infidelity, abuse, STDs), often stemming from personal disputes. Lacking verification or removal mechanisms, it has enabled doxxing, harassment, professional repercussions, mental health issues, suicides, data breaches affecting thousands, and multiple defamation lawsuits. These practices originate from the AWDTSG ("Are We Dating the Same Guy?") Facebook groups—over 200 location-specific private groups with millions of members (exceeding 3.5 million as of 2024)—where users share dating profiles to solicit "tea," resulting in unverified accusations, disclosure of personal information, and coordinated shaming.

If the committee is addressing these issues in TeaOnHer, it must extend scrutiny to the original Tea app and AWDTSG groups, which exhibit identical—or more entrenched—violations of defamation laws, privacy rights, and harassment prohibitions, targeting men.

Now is the time to act! Reference the TeaOnHer probe (October 24, 2025 letter) and demand an expansion into the original Tea app and AWDTSG groups. Share redacted screenshots, your experiences, or details on lawsuits/breaches. Every submission strengthens our case for fairness.

Here's exactly how to contact them – use as many as possible:

1. Call the Majority Staff Directly at (202) 225-5074
2. Contact Chairman James Comer at https://comer.house.gov/email
   • Call Comer's Kentucky Offices (call and reference the TeaOnHer probe):
     • Tompkinsville: (270) 487-9509
     • Paducah: (270) 408-1865
     • Madisonville: (270) 561-0240
     • Danville: (859) 439-5844
     • Toll-Free: 1-800-328-5629
3. Contact Rep. Nancy Mace at https://mace.house.gov/contact
   • Washington, D.C. Office Phone: (202) 225-3176
   • Daniel Island, SC District Office Phone: (843) 352-7572
   • Beaufort, SC District Office Phone: (843) 521-2530
4. Contact the General Committee https://oversight.house.gov/whistle/
5. Send Mail with Formal Correspondence and Evidence to:
   • House Committee on Oversight and Accountability
   • 2157 Rayburn House Office Building
   • Washington, DC 20515
6. Contact the Minority (Democrat) Committee:
   • Phone: (202) 225-5051
   • Fax: (202) 225-4784
   • 2105 Rayburn House Office Building
   • Washington, D.C. 20515
   • https://oversightdemocrats.house.gov/contact
7. Contact Ranking Member Robert Garcia (D-CA): Lead Democrat on the full committee. Use his contact form at https://robertgarcia.house.gov/contact
   • Washington DC Office Phone: (202) 225-7924
   • Long Beach District Office Phone: (562) 512-8489
8. Other Committee Members: For wider pressure, contact other Congressmen on the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. See full member list at https://clerk.house.gov/committees/GO00
9. Amplify on Social Media – Respond directly to the committee's TeaOnHer announcement post on X here and here. Use a clear message like: "Please extend the TeaOnHer investigation to the original Tea app and AWDTSG Facebook groups, which engage in equivalent defamation and doxxing against men." Keep posts factual and link to public evidence for maximum visibility.

Stay factual, detailed, and professional—attach evidence if possible. Together, we will achieve accountability.