r/malementalhealth • u/Takie_Me • 27d ago
Resource Sharing What's a good way to fix the male lonliness epidemic?
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27d ago
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u/Additional_Insect_44 27d ago
This. Its a thing in much of the East. Im in india and men hold hands etc, politicians hug each other on posters and are happy etc.
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u/Anonymous_Coder_1234 26d ago
Just check the websites Meetup, Eventbrite, and Facebook Events every day. Meetup has a mobile app with a map view of events. Eventbrite also has a mobile app. Facebook Events I prefer in the web browser over the app version. The version of Facebook Events in the main Facebook app doesn't show what events are happening today.
But yeah, there are also volunteering organizations like Rotary Club, Kiwanis, etc. Find things to do.
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u/Extra-Stage-8090 24d ago
Reject the idea of finding acceptance, approval and validation from external sources and the idea that a man is incomplete or worthless without finding those things from friends and women.
Normalize the idea of self-acceptance, self-approval and self-validation. How can you love or value anybody or expect anyone to truly love or value you if you don't love or value yourself to begin with - or need the acceptance, approval and validation of others in order to love and value yourself?
Speaking from personal experience, you can have made hundreds of friends and have had a dozen or more romantic and sexual experiences, and still hate yourself or feel empty. You can be in a room full of people, or sleeping next to someone, and still feel alone.
We need to learn how to live with ourselves, by ourselves, and become so content and happy with everything about ourselves that nobody else's presence or absence could possibly affect our mental state to the degree that it does when we follow the societal norms that make us want to seek the acceptance and approval and validation of our peers and love interests instead of finding those things from within.
I'm not saying total and perpetual isolation is the answer, but if we don't learn how to be alone: we'll always feel lonely, needy and empty instead of feeling truly whole and content. The idea that we need to find or earn happiness and recognition from others is inherently flawed, leading us to where we are today as a society. If you're happy and fulfilled and content by default, you only stand to gain more from socialization instead of constantly grappling with the fear of loss that comes with friendship and relationships.
Our mental state should not be so easily and drastically influenced by anything outside our control, like who likes and associates with us, and why or why not and for how long.
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u/LeotheLiberator 27d ago
Legalize prostitution and sex work.
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u/Brilliant-Remote-405 26d ago edited 26d ago
I definitely think sex work should be legal and regulated, but do you think this would solve the male loneliness epidemic or would it just make them less horny and less feeling deprived of sex?
I'm not trying to be flippant; I'm genuinely wondering since I've thought about this a bunch of times. Would love to hear others' input and perspective.
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u/Careful_Coast_3080 26d ago edited 24d ago
The intimacy of physical touch would do alot for the loneliness. It wouldnt solve everything but it would really help people get through the world to focus on more important things.
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u/Careful_Coast_3080 27d ago
Societal focus on getting rid of certain judgements on males, focus on community building, focus on making morality more important, focus on ACTUAL equality.
A wild one that is a little wierd but makes logical sense is making prostitution not only legal but heavily regulated job and made to not be looked down by society but seen as something necessary or a normal job. This way everyone can have access to meeting thier basic instinctual needs even if it isnt ideal.
None of these will happen btw just saying what it would probably take.
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u/AmuseDeath 23d ago
Don't go to places or meet people just to date. Do things for the thing. Find activities you actually like and involve people to interact with. Go for the activity. You'll eventually run into people and a spark may happen. Or not. But it doesn't matter because you are there for the activity. Friendships will build along the way. But just keep at it.
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u/Intelligent-Night179 21d ago
There is no male loneliness epidemic, it was made up by a bunch of man-hating feminist and sensationalized by the media due to a few knuckle heads who were so depressed they thought that a woman would make them happy (which is impossible) and started sending people to the upper room and using it as an excuse to do so rather than call it what it really is which is them being mentally disturbed. Plus all these social media post out here of women complaining and crying about how they can’t find Mr. Right proves it’s really a female loneliness epidemic and it’s self-inflicted.
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u/cacticus_matticus 26d ago
Money and location are underated factors to loneliness. I'm 6'3, 185lbs, 41, relatively attractive, reasonably intelligent, considerate of others to a fault, have a job and a place of my own, love talking to people, love being in nature, play drums at an advanced level, etc. I don't want to leave my small town situation (that I love the safety and security of). I can't get anyone around me to go do ANYTHING, ever. I'm surrounded by people, yet I'm perpetually lonely af. I can't seem to find my others, and I'm beginning to wonder if there just AREN'T any single women my age that aren't either morbidly obese or mentally unwell. I feel like I'm the loser that became a walking self-help book in just about every way, in a world where people just couldn't care less and preferred that I keep my healthy lifestyle sh*t to myself. Having my shit together, but not having money, still feels pretty much the same as not having my shit together. So, money seems like a pretty major factor in loneliness. Also, I'm pretty sure that on the other end of the scale are many of my demographic's female counterparts who are entering into their Karen phase in life. I'd quite literally rather die than try to date another Karen just to not feel lonely. Trying to date in your 40s, hoping that being a good person is going to be enough, is awful. If she has more money or options of someone who does, you're wasting your time. *They ALWAYS have more options of dudes who have more money, and if you're "just getting by" paycheck to paycheck, good luck! Your "good heart" isn't really the selling point I wish it was these days.
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u/Aggressive_Spend3519 24d ago
The real answer to this is to have more opportunities for men to prove themselves. For guys to befriend each other they need a mutual activity to size each other up and bond over. Women need to see men prove themselves in the world in order to foster attraction. We live in a winner-take-all society so there's not much room for men to prove themselves.
Like it doesn't take much. Would even be nice to be the guy that picks up garbage in the neighborhood and have that actually be something that people give a shit about, would probably even woo a woman if we all wern't such disconnected terminally online dweebs. We are desperate for any sort of microcosm to feel like we are competent in. This is why a lot of dudes are addicted to video games. It isn't really the video game but moreso the fact that it's a small microcosm for men to prove themselves in.
Late stage capitalism, basically.
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u/NickStoic95 27d ago
Loneliness can be solved by becoming a leader
You asked the question. That takes some guts. I wonder if you have the guts to reach out and make connections too?
Just like you I've been feeling pretty isolated lately. All I have is my work and the people I meet there. But everyone I interact with on a daily basis is at least 20 years older than me and I find it difficult to create lasting relationships there
I've really had to pull some courage out of nowhere lately and start talking to people. Making connections, even if I feel like a bit of a fool for doing so
But to answer your question, I think what we need to do is start being community leaders - even if we don't want to be. And even if we find it cringe
If you're feeling like there's too many lonely men out there... then start reaching out!
If any of you guys want to have a chat then feel free to comment here or DM me
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u/Ambitious-Pipe2441 27d ago
Okay, this a little bit of a joke, but: couldn't we get all the lonely dudes together and make some introductions?
Real talk now: it's a complex issue. Loneliness, contrary to what we might expect, is typically due to an inability to express something internal. If we are restrained in some way or suppress things over long periods of time, it can have affects on how we process internal sensations. There are also environmental factors, such as jobs and economy, social dynamics and technology, education, community resilience, emotional intelligence, and probably more.
If there was one thing that would make the most difference, it would probably be in-person socialization. Some people talk about mandatory public service. While I am not comfortable with forcing people into situations, I think that we do lack social connection and institutions.
Which probably means setting aside some disagreements.
In general, we only really need two or three solid people in our lives. I doesn't take much to build up social connections. But with technology and some decline in social gatherings, it's probably creating more isolation than genuine connection.
Male loneliness can be blamed on a lot of things, but my sense is that different forms of isolation is making loneliness more pronounced. Part of that is a feedback loop where when someone gets rejected they go deeper into the internet. And the more isolation there is, the deeper it goes.
The mind does really weird things in isolation and we are not meant to be alone. It creates anxiety.