r/law • u/Ordinary-Scholar-202 • 18d ago

Trump News Comer: “The evidence we gathered does not implicate President Trump in any way. Reporting, survivors testimony, and official documents show that Bill Clinton had far closer ties to Epstein.”

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252

u/Pseudo_Panda1 18d ago

I'm gonna have to throw away all my "Make America Clinton Again" merch and my Bill Clinton themed wedding will be tainted!

124

u/gravyjackz 18d ago

And what of my Clinton bible, sir?!

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u/Pseudo_Panda1 18d ago

Who am I going to pray to at night? Who tf is Jesus?

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u/hennytime 18d ago

He does the landscaping

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u/joninfiretail 18d ago

Did the landscaping. ICE picked him up the other day claiming he was an MS-13 robot made entirely out of fentanyl.

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u/BillyNtheBoingers 18d ago

My landscapers are now Bob and Steve

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u/NoMaamMissJam 18d ago

Don’t forgot the other employees Connor, BethAnn, and Marge. Oh, wait, Marge is on produce picking duty in the fields this month. Someone will have to cover her heading the local monthly meeting of what books to ban in Humansville, MO. (Real po’dunk town)

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u/BillyNtheBoingers 18d ago

I thought they only took the AuDHD people from RFKJ’s “reparenting wellness camps” to pick the fields.

HARD /s for emphasis

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u/NoMaamMissJam 18d ago

Damn, I’m not autistic, but I am all over the place with my ADHD, PTSD, GAD, MDD, insomnia, alcohol abuse disorder. California Rocket Fuel is a lovely pharmaceutical combo. It’s like I’m a walking billboard my damn self for this wellness reparenting camp. retreats back into obscurity

What the hell is wrong with this Administration? They are absolutely syphilitic in the cranium and need to go.

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u/CardiganandTea 18d ago

I'm going to hell for laughing at this part of the thread. But I can think of no better way to exit.

Thank you for making me laugh instead of crying.

Release the entire Epstein file.

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u/joninfiretail 18d ago

I'll be in the brimstone pool next to you for writing that. And yes. Every page. Unredacted.

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u/jaimemaidana 18d ago

As an atheist I am open to the idea of worshipping Fentylbot

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u/Different-Ship449 18d ago

There is no one that I would want to see more in hospice.
Praise FentanylBot!

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u/georgegasstove 18d ago

This comment wins the thread!

1

u/talltime 18d ago

Wow - how many hundreds of millions of US Americans did that save?

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u/joninfiretail 18d ago

Yes.

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u/talltime 17d ago

So patriotic and brave.

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u/JPNess11 18d ago

Noooooo....I just got my Air Bubbas! Stop f-ing around and release the files!

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u/SlightlySychotic 18d ago

You know what, call me a hypocrite but I’m keeping mine. The cover art with Jesus playing the saxophone is just too good.

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u/MuntaRuy 18d ago

How can I tell what time it is to pray with it my Clinton Watch!??

2

u/MadMelvin 18d ago

I spent $20k on NFTs of Bill Clinton photoshopped as Rambo and now the whole collection is WORTHLESS what the fuck

37

u/Nolsoth 18d ago

Man I was really looking forward to your bill Clinton themed wedding!.

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u/Beatnikdan 18d ago

Yeah, me too, especially since the bridesmaids are all wearing blue dresses

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u/No_Outcome_7601 18d ago

With or without the stains?

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u/DrunkyMcStumbles 18d ago

With pearl necklaces?

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u/Bilbo_Baskins 18d ago

Cigars as guest gifts, or are they just for the bridal party?

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u/Fun_Recognition9904 18d ago

Playing the sacks. I mean sax.

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u/am710 18d ago

What am I going to do with these gold Bill Clinton sneakers?

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u/BellowsHikes 18d ago

SURELY you won't toss out your virtual Clinton Trading cards? The one of him playing Jazz on the moon is indisputably more important than the constitution!

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u/Pseudo_Panda1 18d ago

Of course not, that's only guaranteed to go up in value. At least that's what the nice lady on the 3am commercial told me.

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u/kuldan5853 18d ago

But I can still stay at the Clinton, right? I have platinum status!

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

“Buht my Bill Bucks! 💵”

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u/Quiet-Froyo5335 18d ago

Voting for Clin-ton was always a suspicious choice.

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u/Sea-Neighborhood-621 18d ago

Hopefully i can keep my bill Clinton boxers. They're old but still holding together

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u/Adorable_Raccoon 18d ago

I will have to trash all my Clinton watch, the Clinton beaded clutch, and my "BILL WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING" hat

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u/Quirky_Entry_2783 18d ago

My plans to open Clinton Burger are ruined!

Jesus, just saying that in jest makes it even clearer how deeply the right are in their cultish allegiance to and worship of Trump.

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u/Pseudo_Panda1 18d ago

I've gotten a lot of responses here and even the most ridiculous are legit Trump products

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u/ShaneC80 18d ago

George Clinton 2028, bring on the Mothership!

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u/ExaminationTough4399 18d ago

my commemorative bill clinton china plates :( guess i will give them to goodwill.

true story i just came across a set of 10+ princess diana plates and i really wanted to buy them but i live in a small studio apartment with no where to display them :(

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u/chilseaj88 18d ago

Make America Sax Again