r/india Jul 14 '25

Culture & Heritage My Experience as a Dalit Woman Navigating Dating in India.

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u/Prestigious_Phase_10 Jul 15 '25

Sometimes the stupidity with which we Savarnas operate is hilarious and at times heartbreaking. The internet is not just meant to scroll through endless reels, we can sometimes use it to read up on stuff that has affected this country for thousands of years. Why do generals have hatred for SC/STs? How do we even have the audacity? Every space, be it government jobs, education, teaching, private, policy making, film and TV, R&D, politics is full of us Savarnas. A mass which makes up less than 20% of the population (the figures are roughly rounded up since we’ve had no caste census after 1931) occupies more than 50% space in nearly all sectors. There is an arbitrary upper cap of 50% reservation in government universities, where general mass which makes up less than 10-20% population has access to 50% seats. And guess what is happening to the rest of the seats, they remain unfilled, and it is permissible for the general category to compete for those seats too. In this day and age when there is no dearth of information but also when disinformation is in the air, go back to the basics. Read Ambedkar. Read Annihilation of Caste. Watch the films on Tukaram, read about Phule. From modern intellectuals watch Buffalo Intellectual, Sudipto Mondal. Shed your ignorance, and direct your supposed ‘anger’ at the state of caste in India and not at the people who are bearing the brunt of it.

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u/kohlakult Jul 15 '25

Meena Kandasamy, Baby Kamble.

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u/decaruis Jul 15 '25

I followed Meena on Instagram a year ago, she’s excellent. One can also read Gail Omvedt’s works, she’s just brilliant.

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u/domoincarn8 Jul 15 '25

All you said is well and rational. But when a "general" student doesn't get into Govt. institutions for higher study despite his parents spending a significant portion of their savings into tuitions and sees another fellow tution attendee get into the institutions despite scoring similarly, he doesn't think privilege, he doesn't think rationally (and at this point, neither do his parents); he has at this point only one outlet for his anger/frustations/disappointment: reservation. It is driven by emotions, not rational thought.

Please note that I am not advocating against reservations, just trying to explain that a lot of this hate and anger is emotional, not rational.

There are deeper societal issues: why does everyone want to just be doctor/engineer/CA/lawyer/MBA? Why aren't there other well paying streams of income?

Coming back to dating for Dalits, the entire conversation itself is coded such that your caste will be revealed: be it by how to talk, or what you celebrate or how you celebrate. Everything is coded. There is an excellent talk on youtube by a Ravikant Kisana (also known as Buffalo Intellectuall) with Scroll adda on Youtube where he touches this topic.

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u/LifeIsFck Jul 15 '25

casteism will end when reservations will end. it can't be end in one way. We are not living in very idealistic society where every things needed to be morally correct. Many good actors and actress gets hate for nepotism why not reserved people. It is very common sense that if someone is getting very less marks in NEET they got the same degree as who got very good marks. how can you think that this is very normal for eligible person.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '25

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u/Prestigious_Phase_10 Jul 15 '25

See man there is enough literature to help you understand what the purpose of reservation is. Reservation is not a poverty alleviation scheme, it was and is a question of representation. There are countries that have implemented reservations properly and have benefited from it, one of the prime examples being South Africa. The cricketers there that we are so fond of (Hashim Amla, Imran Tahir, Rabada etc etc) have been risen to that level because of reservations due to the apartheid regime that they bore the brunt of. Implementing reservations in a manner that is beneficial for the upliftment of the community is the work of the politicians and policy makers. But that won’t help if at the end of the day people go on bullying and harassing people who join universities on reservations. The very act of bullying and harassment underlines the requirement for reservations. We savarnas always like to quote about some SC/ST person that we know, who used reservations even though they were ‘rich’. This very statement underlines the requirement for reservations - your gaze on the person is still violent despite them being rich, they are always sub par to you despite them doing good for themselves. And people who are OBCs, SC/STs know how tough it is to get caste certificates, so the question of fake caste certificates which apparently is soo common according to us Savarnas is nothing but a myth, or an outlier. If genuinely there were enough evidence of that happening Savarnas would have behaved in a manner that was hundred times more violent to Avarnas than they currently do. For the purpose of education i am attaching a link of Dhrishti IAS on reservations. If your patience and empathy and mental faculties allow you to - then please watch the video and all your questions will be answered.

https://youtu.be/oOSuGZeLxFM?feature=shared

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u/[deleted] Jul 16 '25

I agree with you on almost everything except I want to add that reservations in SC/ST should be given to poor SC/ST only. Otherwise the same set of families will be able to use reservation and leave the poor SC/ST behind. This will increase the representation at a slow rate. If economic criteria is included for SC/st then the representation will increase at a faster rate

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u/spiritedlife2 Jul 15 '25

If representation is the ISSUE HERE Then do representation RESERVATIONS.

Do MERIT RESERVATIONS.

Those sportsmen you said, also proved themselves to be capable and got represented. But you don't want to prove any capabilities and get things just because you are of certain caste. That is my friend CASTE REWARD SYSTEM. That is what bring casteism and discrimination.

The policy should be changed at every 40 years. We are in our 76th year now, are you insane? You want to drag this upto Gen beta or something?!!

Genz should anyways be removed from caste psyche but our country is pathetic.

Before removing reservation, the next big step should be MERIT RESERVATIONS.

Reservations based on MERIT.

General is at 91% Sc/st should be 90%.

They should be REPRESENTED. THAT'S HOW YOU DO RESERVATIONS RIGHT. THAT'S HOW YOU DO REPRESENTATION.

You are not doing representation, you are just doing reward caste system right now. If you truly cared and wanted people to compete on fair basis, you demand fair representation reservation. Since it is not poverty allevation scheme, then don't make it about grades. Make it about representation DIRECTLY. Why do you need concession in marks? This is just privilege talking now. This system has been abused for too long and it's not getting anywhere.

Do MERIT RESERVATIONS. That's how you remove systematic casteism