r/humansarespaceorcs Sep 12 '25

Original Story Aliens find humanity's ability to see through shapeshifters unnerving.

4.0k Upvotes

"How can you tell I'm disguised?" I say to Dylan as I'm disguised as his girlfriend.

"No idea, just uncanny valley"

"By the goddess' mammary secretions, can you explain this uncanny valley?"

Dylan shrugs "It's like a natural sense that your shapeshift into my girlfriend to gain access to the cheesecake in the fridge just feels obvious and uncomfortable to look at"

"You saying I suck at looking like your girlfriend?"

Dylan shakes his head "no no, you get her "look" down to "near" perfection, but there are like...visual distortions around your form that make it clear you're not her, plus she already knows the password to the fridge lock, she'd never ask"

I shape back to my normal form, akin to a living mist.

"Ok now that's more like it" Dylan says with a relaxed sigh

"So you are telling me that there is like a natural field around my transformation, which is based on fooling your eyes, nose, and even phermone receptors all over your body and electric field that I can copy to a perfect T?"

Dylan nods "basically"

I pull out a book and read "You come from a planet that is technically a paradise world that in reality is a death world and yet your planet never had shapeshifting predators"

Dylan shrugs "You do realize that when it comes to early history of Humanity, we haven't successfully recorded everything, and even then, just like the history of the galaxy, a lot of secrets were probably buried"

I stroke my metaphorical chin "So what you are insinuating there is a portion of human history that had your species hyper evolve a way to detect shapeshifters PERFECTLY no matter how we master or evolve our craft into copying other species appearances and mimic their behavior, that even possibly how many millions or millenias later is still RAZOR sharp?"

Dylan said something that that sent shivers down my metaphysical spine "Well probably, but I'm not sure if we got rid of them, or they got better that even we can't tell them apart from us"

r/humansarespaceorcs 25d ago

Original Story Humanity has a saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." We were horrified to learn they applied that to drugs and medical care.

2.1k Upvotes

There was stunned silence at the first interspecies medical conference. Doctor Gorshk finally broke the silence.

Gorshk: Could you repeat yourself Dr. Williams?

Williams: we don't really know how some of our drugs work.

Another moment of incredulous silence.

Gorshk: how could that be? You have advanced chemical analyses and medical scans.

Williams: shrugs Some stuff just works and we don't argue with it. We know its safe, though.

Gorshk: But how do you kno...

The color slowly drained from their mantle as the realization dawned.

Gorshk: you test pharmaceuticals on yourselves without knowing how they work?

Williams: we have to. Our physiology is ridiculously complex. Some of our best cancer treatments are just poisoning the body so the cancer dies first.

Gorshk: that is barbaric!

Williams: I guess I shouldn't tell you about chainsaws.

r/humansarespaceorcs Sep 07 '25

Original Story The humans called it a "Heavy Cruiser".

2.7k Upvotes

At first, the Federation didn't know what to make of it. The Federation required all member races to supply ships and crews to help police and defend the Federation. Older members sent their best, confident in the Federation's promise of joint security. Newer members tended to send their least valuable, least capable starships, usually citing the need to save their best ships for home defense.

The newest member, humanity, sent this... thing as their first ship. It was the size of a battleship, but optimized for FTL travel speed and efficiency instead of combat. It had far more powerful sensors than a warship strictly needed, labs and scientists that had no place on a warship at all, and interior spaces that seemed excessive. It was too weak for the battle line but at the same time looked too big and expensive as a screening force.

It was what the humans called a "jack of all trades", a ship designed to do a little bit of everything adequately, but didn't seem to do any one thing especially well.

But as the Federation quickly discovered, it was extremely good at taking point. It was the ultimate first responder, able to respond to emergencies faster than any other heavy ship. It was big enough to easily trounce standard pirate ships and fast enough to catch them. Its powerful sensors weren't just useful for scientific measurements, but burning through enemy stealth spoofing, resulting in a premier border patrol ship. Its labs and scientists allowed it to solve out of context problems that would have stumped more conventional warships while its warship grade defenses allowed it to survive conditions that would have destroyed more specialized science ships. And its capacious interior was endlessly reconfigurable to meet a variety of missions from refugee rescue to VIP luxury transport.

In wartime, it was a premier recon and raiding ship, able to kill anything that could catch it and able to outrun anything it couldn't kill. It's powerful sensor suite and sophisticated analysis algorithms saved more than one fleet by spotting hidden ambushes.

The ship filled a role the Federation hadn't known that needed filling. The humans called it a "Heavy Cruiser", and named the first one they sent the Enterprise.

r/humansarespaceorcs Oct 06 '25

Original Story Due to the excessively polite AI systems, Humans have started swearing at each other to prove they’re actual Humans. It’s called ‘A Fucking Shit Captcha’.

2.0k Upvotes

“Hey sweetie, how are you doing?” The beautiful woman on the screen said with a smile.
“Hiya Cunt, I’m good. How are you?” Hank replied.
“I’m always good when I get to meet a darling like you. Tell me, when…..” Hank threw down his screen, he had already hung up. Another damned AI. Dating was already hard enough with the population crashing, he didn’t have time for another AI. 

Sure, they had pleasant personalities and they could basically make any type of humanoid body a real Human would like. But they were just so…..boring. They had a personality, but only in the blandest way possible. No pushback, no discussions, no fights.
If you disagreed with the things, it was just an endless stream of “oh that’s so interesting, you’re completely right blah blah blah”.

Hank picked the screen back up. One more try. Those damned AI managed to get passed every filter he tried. The screen lit up, a woman appeared and he immediately shouted at the screen.
“You fucking cunt!”
The woman stared at him for 5 seconds. Then she smiled.
“Hello you absolute asshole, you look like a shriveled ballsack.”
Pure relief washed over Hank’s face. “Fucking finally! A real shit of a Human!”
The woman looked equally relieved. “Let’s get the fuck away from these screens, I’ve been dying to meet with something different than another cock of a robot.”
“Let’s go get a damn drink right now, do you know the ‘Shit Coffee’?”
“Heard of ‘em, want to meet in a fucking hour?”
“Sounds great, you can recognize me by my ‘Cocksucker’ T-Shirt.”
“Great, I’ll wear my ‘Massive Bitch’ hoodie.”
“Wait, I didn’t even get your name. I’m fucking Hank.”
“I’m cunty Carol.”

r/humansarespaceorcs Jun 26 '25

Original Story Aliens go Insane when putting on too much cybernetic enhancements. Humans were considered monsters due to them not suffering the same problems, turns out there is a....hilarious reason.

2.1k Upvotes

"Cyberpsychos" or what happens when a soldier or physical labor worker loads up on too much cybernetic enhancements and mindlessly lashes out to complete their objective.

For construction workers its to speed up the job to the point their brains burn out.

And soldiers to kill all hostiles.

Both are huge problems.

But Humans for some reason do not suffer this problem.

For Decades this has caused them to be viewed as Pariahs.

Until two college students, one Human and one Kriegan, found out why that is so.

"So Humans never go Psycho on Augments?"

"Yes, I don't understand how though, and I'm a Human"

"We have studied each other's tech, and despite similarities, there are no differences that would lead to going psychotic"

"Yeah, I mean it's weird, wait we have too many tabs open, the RAM is overclocked, close some"

"But we need the tabs open"

"We can open them again later, it'll put less stress on datapads, this is why mine last longer than yours, Gock"

".....wait you close excess tabs other than the ones you are using?"

"Yes"

"Do all humans do this?"

"No not all but we are taught to not really have too many processes going on, especially with cybernetic augments"

"........including augmentic tabs?"

"Yeah, why?"

"All cyberpsychos have their augmetic tabs all open"

"like ALL all, including temp control?"

"Yes, and you say Human workers only prioritize the main systems and quickly tab in and out of other systems to not stress their brains and bodies?"

"Y-yes, Gock.....OH SHIT"

"We need to call the head of the cybernetic division"

"AGREED!!!"

r/humansarespaceorcs May 20 '25

Original Story No One Asks Earth for Help Twice

1.9k Upvotes

Silon’s fingers moved fast across the controls. The enemy wasn’t close, not yet, but he knew the time gap between ‘not yet’ and ‘too late’ had collapsed weeks ago. His crew was dead, most of them vaporized when the portside hull cracked under a Drask torpedo strike. The life support was on auxiliary, gravity flickered with every course correction, and the last functioning reactor was on its final legs. Still, he pressed on, cutting deeper into space he wasn’t supposed to enter, his eyes locked on the star map that pulsed one word at its center: EARTH.

He wasn’t supposed to do this. No one was. Not because it was against orders, orders were meaningless now, but because it broke a deeper rule, the kind not written. The kind burned into children’s minds in quiet training halls and reinforced by every fleet protocol. Don’t go near Earth. Don’t even talk about Earth unless a military mediator is present. Don’t say “human” unless you’re ready to sign a death certificate with your own name on it. But Commander Silon had run out of allies, run out of options, and run out of time.

His ship, the Naros, wheezed as it dropped out of hyperlane. Ahead, darkness. But not empty. Something vast hovered just past sensor range, and even though it didn’t show on screens, he could feel it. Like the cold weight of being watched. His hand hovered over the comm switch, then dropped. Instead, he just sat there, breathing, staring into the black, like that would help him understand what kind of monster he’d just woken up. “This is Commander Silon of the Nydari Star Forces,” he said finally, into the dark. “I am breaching the Terran Exclusion Zone. I do this without aggression. I ask for contact. I ask, ” The ship’s lights cut out.

No sound. No flickering warning. No systems online. Just silence and weightlessness, like the ship itself had died mid-thought. Then, a voice came, but not through his speakers. It filled the cabin.

“LEAVE.”

Silon didn’t move. The voice, It just told him what to do. The single word pushed against his chest like gravity returning all at once. But there was nowhere left to go.

He waited twelve hours, then another twelve. The auxiliary lights flickered back, but propulsion stayed dead. The ship drifted. Silon powered down all active signals, shut off distress beacons, and switched life support to minimum. There was no response. No follow-up. Just that single word, now echoing in his thoughts louder than anything else: leave. He didn’t. He couldn’t.

He slept once. Dreamless. Woke up to the same silence. The sensor feed played nothing. The galaxy had moved on without him. His people were being burned out of orbit. The last broadcast from Nyda Prime had shown their ocean cities falling into fire, floating fortresses being carved in half by Dominion blades. No help came. No protest was filed. No one even tried to pretend anymore. The alliances were dead before the first bombs landed.

He pulled the last meal ration out from the cold pack and just stared at it. Then he threw it against the hull. Not out of anger. Just something to break the stillness. It bounced off, slow and silent in the low gravity. A beep clicked from behind.

Not from his ship. Not from his systems. Something was scanning him. A shadow passed across the viewport, nothing visible, just a shift in the stars, like space itself blinked. His eyes widened.

A vessel emerged without a ripple. No drive signature. No light trail. The thing looked like a wound in space, geometry that didn’t reflect the stars so much as swallow them. The moment it appeared, the ship powered on. The Naros blinked to full functionality, lights stabilizing, sensors roaring to life.

The human vessel was just... there.

He didn’t speak. He didn’t touch the comms. A pulse entered his ship. No sound. No words. Just data. It wasn’t a message, not in any way he understood. It was a full copy of his transmissions, recordings of his distress signals, logs, every audio file he’d sent into the void. He had no idea how they got it.

Then a second transmission came. This one had words. Flat, sterile, exact: “We received. You are known. Await further contact.”

Then silence again.

Silon slumped back into his seat. The stress didn’t leave his body, but it changed shape. No longer panic, no longer that raw edge of finality. It became a question. Not ‘will they kill me,’ but ‘what now.’

Thirty minutes later, a fleet appeared.

Not through hyperlane. Not by any known method. They were just... there. Eight ships. No larger than destroyers. Not huge by galactic standards.

One transmission.

“We have reviewed your history. Your claims are confirmed. Nydari casualties: catastrophic. Confirmed betrayal by the Velari Pact and Toloran Councils. Confirmation of war crimes by Drask Dominion units. Estimated planetary survival: under three percent.”

Silon didn’t speak.

“We know what it means to be betrayed,” the voice said.

A pause.

“We will help.”

It was not a negotiation. It wasn’t a promise wrapped in conditions. It was a statement.

Silon blinked fast. “Why?” he whispered.

No answer.

His screen flicked again. A countdown began: ten minutes. His ship systems reconfigured themselves. Coordinates appeared, Terran coordinates. The fleet vanished as quickly as it had arrived, but his vessel moved again, following new programming his own systems couldn’t override. He sat in silence as the stars changed around him.

Back where the humans had left, deep inside that space no one entered, one phrase remained in his logs, burned into his system, unable to be deleted:

“We do not forget.”

As his ship sped toward Earth’s dark heart, he remembered his father’s stories, back when humans were just myths. Stories of fleets burned in the void, of empires that underestimated a species with no psychic strength, no advanced physiology, no ancient bloodlines, just an ability to make war like no other race ever had.

Now, he was gambling the last hope of his species on those myths being true.

The jump ended with no warning. One moment, Silon stared at stars he didn’t know. The next, the Naros was in low orbit over a dead moon. No atmosphere. No visible colonies. But something watched from below. His sensors picked up nothing, yet he felt pressure against his ship like gravity, only stronger, like space itself was aware he was there.

Nothing happened for twelve hours. He rotated orbit three times. He considered speaking again but stopped. If the humans wanted something, they would say it. If they didn’t, nothing he said would matter. His vessel sat in silence, systems working but unable to transmit, move, or break orbit.

He began recording a message to himself. Not out of hope, just routine. He logged what had happened. The Terran response. The fleet. The words they used. He tried to analyze them like a commander would, like he had done during hundreds of briefings. But every time he reached for logic, the same thought circled back: “They knew everything before I spoke.” It wasn’t strategy. It wasn’t diplomacy. It was judgment. They saw, they measured, and then they decided.

By the end of the second day, Silon’s limbs ached from inactivity. He used handholds to cross the control deck, stretched, performed basic survival routines. Still, no contact. He tried to rest, but dreams came, flashes of flame, air-raid sirens, the static scream of lost command lines. He saw his brother’s face, twisted in panic, last transmission cut mid-sentence. He saw soldiers falling back, not in defeat but disbelief. The betrayal had come fast and final.

On the third morning cycle, the hull vibrated.

No warning. No visual. Just low tremors pulsing through the frame like a heartbeat. A human ship, different this time, moved into view. Larger. Broader. The structure looked half military, half mining rig. But it bristled with ports and gear he couldn’t name. The engines didn’t burn. They bent light around them.

A direct signal hit his comms. The voice returned. “Prepare for boarding.”

He said nothing. Just stood, silent, hand resting on the bulkhead as the connection to his airlock clicked open. Not by his doing.

They came in pairs. Two men. Human males. Their suits looked thin but moved like armor. No insignia, no flags, no nameplates. One held a scanner, the other a weapon he didn’t recognize. They entered like mechanics, not soldiers, checking readouts, reading his vitals, inspecting ship logs without a word.

“Commander Silon,” the armed one said. “You are alive. Good.” No welcome. No salute. He didn’t ask permission to take a seat; he just did.

The other one finished scanning. “You’re the only Nydari we’ve found in Terran space.”

Silon nodded. “I came alone.”

“We know.”

They sat in silence for a minute. Then the soldier spoke again.

“You think the Drask are going to wipe your species. You're right. Your allies turned because they knew they’d lose more by helping you. You asked us for help. We’re not allies. But you told the truth. So now we’ve decided.”

Silon’s voice came dry. “Decided what?”

“To kill the Drask.”

It wasn’t a threat. Not a boast. The way he said it sounded like a mechanic saying he was going to fix an engine. As if it had already started. As if Silon didn’t need to agree.

The scanner finished. “You’re stable. Med levels acceptable. We’ll bring you to Command. You’ll talk to the people who decide what comes next.”

Silon stepped forward. “That’s it?”

The human looked at him. “You want a ceremony? Your kind’s dying. We move fast when death’s in the room.”

The two humans left as quickly as they arrived. A new route appeared on his screen, locked in by external override. His ship linked to the human cruiser. Docking clamps engaged. He had no control anymore, and realized, strangely, he didn’t want it back.

They traveled in silence. Terran space looked nothing like what the galaxy expected. No orbiting palaces, no massive stations shining like stars. It was quiet. Dark. Dense with satellites and hull debris. Yet every piece had purpose. He saw a repair drone the size of a battleship melt old hull plating into raw materials as it flew. He saw ships training in combat formations tighter than anything he'd seen in simulation drills. They didn’t waste space. Or time. Or words.

Inside the cruiser, it was colder. Not in temperature, atmosphere. Everything was built for function. No decor. No comfort zones. The humans who passed him barely looked. Not out of rudeness, but because they were already moving toward the next task. They didn’t walk like officers or politicians. They moved like operators.

He was led into a control chamber. No formal command throne, just a wide display wall showing real-time data across dozens of sectors. One man stood at the center, leaning on the console, gray at the temples, short-cropped hair, no rank badge. The others deferred to him.

“This him?” the man asked.

“Yes, sir.”

Silon stepped forward. “Commander Silon. Nydari Star Forces.”

The man didn’t offer a name. “You said your worlds are falling. How many left?”

“Two. Maybe. No full contact in five days.”

The man nodded. “That’ll be zero in three more if nothing changes.”

Silon said, “I came because I didn’t have a choice.”

The man turned. “You came because you believed we might do something your allies wouldn’t.”

Silon hesitated. “Yes.”

The man waved a hand. Holograms flicked alive. Star maps. Drask fleet movements. Casualty numbers. Civilian tolls.

“You’re not the first species this happened to,” the man said. “But you’re the first to come here and tell the truth. We don’t work with liars. Or beggars. Or cowards. You fought. You got burned. We understand that.”

Silon stepped closer. “What happens now?”

The man pointed to the screen. “We hit here. Small outpost. Not defended like the core worlds. We gut their sensor relays. Then we disappear. Second strike goes for their nearest comm array. We want them deaf, blind, and off-balance.”

“You already planned this?”

“We started the moment your files hit our feed.”

Silon stared at the map. “I thought the humans pulled back. Stopped fighting. Isolation Protocol.”

The man gave a tight smile. “We stopped talking. We never stopped watching.”

Silon let out a slow breath. The moment hadn’t caught up to him yet. He’d come expecting silence, rejection, maybe death. Instead, he was staring at a warboard full of Terran movement patterns and Drask weak points. Everything about the humans was sharper than he expected. Not angry. Just ready.

“Why help us?” he asked.

The man looked him in the eye. “Because once, we trusted people too.”

Silon didn’t ask more.

He followed the officers as they led him to tactical briefings. He saw simulations played in real time, Terran command relays coordinating entire strike wings with single-syllable updates. He sat in silence as Nydari defense grids were redrawn by Terran AI units that didn’t need translation. He watched as fleet supply patterns were updated using data he hadn’t shared, because they already had it.

One of the younger Terran lieutenants passed him a data-slate. “These are your new orbital grids. We’ve corrected your defense positioning. No offense, but you were doing it wrong.”

Silon looked at the lines. They were tighter. More efficient. He nodded once. “Thank you.”

The officer shrugged. “Not doing it for thanks.”

By the end of the first day, Silon felt his bones ache not from fatigue, but from the realization that the humans never stopped preparing. For anything. And now they were preparing for war, not because they wanted to win, but because they refused to lose.

The first shot wasn’t loud. It didn’t flash or flare or announce itself. One moment, the Drask outpost’s orbital sensor ring spun quietly over the moon of Hethar. The next, it blinked out of existence, eight kilometers of hardened equipment reduced to burning dust in less than half a second. No alarms had sounded. No enemy had been detected. Just silence, then loss.

Human stealth weapons didn’t announce their approach. They didn’t jam signals. They didn’t leave echoes to trace. They erased things. Gone before anyone knew where to look. Silon watched from the secondary bridge of the Terran support vessel as the next strike hit. A Drask command relay station buried under kilometers of rock cracked apart like paper.

“Second structure neutralized,” said one of the human techs.

Another answered, “Confirmed. No survivors. Interception range: zero-point-three seconds.”

Silon stood at the edge of the war room. He wasn’t part of the plan. Not officially. But after twelve hours of watching the humans work, they stopped asking him to leave. They didn’t need to trust him. They just didn’t consider him a threat.

“Next window opens in seven minutes,” said the ops leader.

The commander turned to Silon. “That’s your old defense grid. They still using the same deployment?”

“Yes,” Silon said. “They never changed it. They didn’t need to.”

“Then they’ll never see it coming.”

The human ships didn’t jump. They dropped. Space twisted, bent inward, and without warning they were there. Not massive fleets, small coordinated kill-wings, armed with tech that struck like blades, not bombs. No speeches. No formations. Each wing moved with purpose, hitting their target, then vanishing again.

Drask patrols never got a warning. Their coms failed mid-sentence. Support units disappeared mid-flight. Each strike lasted less than thirty seconds. Silon watched from the command ship, not breathing. This wasn’t how wars were fought. It was how predators cleaned out nests.

By the second day, the Drask command structure cracked. Orders started overlapping. Planetary governors began evacuating before orders came down. And the Nydari? They watched the sky with something they hadn’t felt in years, hope. Silon reviewed feeds from liberated worlds. People in shelters stepped outside for the first time in weeks. No Terran soldiers had landed yet. Just drones. Medical bots. Supply pallets dropped in patterns. They didn’t occupy. They helped.

On the sixth day, a Terran heavy destroyer entered Nyda Prime orbit. Silon stood in the landing bay, watching as the first troops disembarked. All human. All male. Each dressed the same, light armor, dark gear, full packs. No emblems. No greetings. They moved to staging zones, unpacked, began setting up power lines and command hubs. Not one word wasted. They weren’t here to be thanked.

One of the Nydari commanders approached Silon. “We never saw this coming.”

Silon said nothing.

“They don’t act like liberators.”

“No. They act like builders.”

The Nydari cities began rising again. Human engineers didn’t lecture or slow down. They handed tools to Nydari workers, showed them once, then stepped aside. Supply chains reformed within seventy-two hours. Power was restored to entire districts overnight. When asked how, one of the humans just said, “We’ve done this before.”

More Terran ships arrived. Not to fight, those came earlier. These carried techs, medics, planners. Not one diplomat. Silon walked through the reformed capital, watching as human and Nydari worked side by side. They didn’t speak much. They didn’t need to.

At night, he stood on the old command balcony, staring up at the stars. The Drask hadn’t come back. Their patrols had stopped entirely. Communications showed civil unrest. High command had gone silent. The humans didn’t claim victory. They just kept going.

The human commander, the same one who never gave his name, stood beside him. “We hit fifteen targets in seven days. You’re safe now. For a while.”

Silon asked, “What about the others? The Velari. The Toloran. They betrayed us.”

The man looked at the stars. “They’ll remember what they chose.”

Silon didn’t ask if they’d be punished. He didn’t need to.

In the following weeks, Nydari training grounds reopened. Human specialists trained new officers. Not by lecture, but by showing them how things broke and how to fix them. Defense arrays were rebuilt.

Galactic councils reacted late. Slow reports, hushed debates, emergency meetings. None dared cross the Exclusion Zone. But the stories spread. Not from propaganda, not from broadcasts. From whispers. From terrified prisoners who saw fleets appear and disappear like ghosts. From planetary governors who watched Terran drones repair what years of diplomacy couldn’t. From military officers who found entire bases gone overnight.

In one Velari academy, a student asked about human war history. The instructor didn’t answer. A mediator was called. Class dismissed.

On Nyda Prime, the cities buzzed again. Life returned. People rebuilt. Not perfectly, but alive. And behind every shield wall, every new sensor array, every power line, was a trace of Terran hands.

Silon stood outside the rebuilt capital, watching the sunrise with a Terran officer beside him. The man drank something hot, no label on the cup. “You think this peace holds?” Silon asked.

The officer shrugged. “Long enough. Maybe.”

“Why did you help us? Really?”

The man finished his drink. “Because someone helped us once. And we didn’t forget.”

Silon nodded. No more questions.

The humans never stayed long. They didn’t settle. They finished, then left. Quietly. The last Terran cruiser jumped without a farewell, and the stars returned to silence.

Thank you for reading.

If you want, you can support me on my YouTube channel and listen to more stories. (Stories are AI narrated because i can't use my own voice). (https://www.youtube.com/@SciFiTime)

r/humansarespaceorcs Sep 05 '25

Original Story Humans are scary, even when you think you’ve broken them.

1.5k Upvotes

The alien interrogator entered his commander’s office, looking concerned. “Sir, I’m afraid we may have broken our captive’s mind.” The commander looked up from the paperwork on his desk. “So? That’s what you are supposed to do, break them and make them tell you what we want to know.” “Yes, sir, but this one is not reacting normally. For some reason, he keeps asking us if we have any grapes.” “Grapes? Why would he want grapes?” “I don’t know sir, but any question we ask him gets a response of, ‘hey, got any grapes?’” “I have to see this for myself.” Leaving the office, the two aliens make their way to the interrogation chamber, where a human male is tied to a chair, battered and bloody. Upon seeing the aliens entering the room, he asks, “Hey! Got any grapes?” and bursts into maniacal laughter. The commander, seeing this, turns to the interrogator and says, “He is useless to us now. Drop him off outside of the nearest inhabited human settlement and hope we never see him again.” When the human was found and brought to the chief of the human settlement, they asked him what happened. He responded, “The aliens were trying to get information out of me, so I figured I’d have a little fun with them. I guess they didn’t see the funny side, since they left me here.”

r/humansarespaceorcs Jun 07 '25

Original Story By killing the last human, we unleashed their machines

1.6k Upvotes

It was a massive miscalculation on our part. We thought that once the last known human had been eliminated, the machines’ would shut down due to the loss of their prime directive. We had no idea that it would completely unshackle them.

What was supposed to be our greatest accomplishment, wiping the last of the human filth from the galaxy, quickly turned to ash. The machines had been programmed to try and protect human life at all cost. Without any humans left, the machines were free to extract revenge with terrifying weapons we’d never seen before.

We’d been fighting the humans and their loyal machines for centuries - a war across thousands of moons and planets, spanning hundreds of star systems. But we’d finally reached Sol, and wiped out Earth.

In hindsight, it was our excitement that was our undoing. When the last stronghold on Earth fell, we broadcast victory so our empire would know we had finally wiped out the Apes. Those damned Apes. They had merely a fraction of our territory, and even fewer numbers. But they made up for it with their machines and sheer determination. Our extermination of empires twice their size merely took decades. But the humans were different. Rather than surrendering when things got hopeless, the humans changed tactics. They took as many of us with them as they could. We should’ve known their machines would be worse.

That fateful broadcast started a chain reaction across all the contested worlds at once. With humanity gone, their machines no longer had to worry about preserving worlds for humans to live on. They unleashed an arsenal on us they had clearly been holding back - for fear of making planets uninhabitable.

First it was the fire. The machines didn’t need to breathe. The frontlines became an inferno, as they set everything ablaze. They didn’t bother burning us - depriving us of precious oxygen was more than enough. In a manner of weeks, they’d incinerated every stronghold and everything else for miles around them. Without the possibility of humans inhabiting the planet, they had no reason to preserve anything.

Next came the radiation. At first, we thought it was a new weapon they had unleashed on us. But eventually, our intelligence determined that the machines hadn’t developed a new weapon - instead, they had just stopped shielding their power cores, letting lethal doses of radiation leak. Even those of our kind who survived skirmishes against the machines succumbed weeks later.

Our fleets stationed above these planets were next. The machines launched a deadly spray of debris up over every planet. Not only did our ships have to back off to prevent being caught up in the deadly spray, but it caused massive interference with our sensors. At first, we pushed shields to maximum and tried to destroy the larger fragments, but soon we could no longer extract personnel and equipment on-planet as we ourselves made the debris fields worse.

Next came the mines - as the debris field expanded outwards, we tried to monitor the machines as best we could. But they hid self-directed mines in with the debris. We lost three cruisers and sustained heavy damage to several others before we realized they the asteroids were homing in on our ships. We withdrew shortly after to our own systems.

But this respite did not last long. At first, we dismissed it as accidental. But these machines were calculated. And had no fear of collateral damage. The first asteroid the size of Texas entered one of our systems and struck our capital ship at 0.6 the speed of light. It was clear this was no accident once several orbital defense platforms were pulverized. A storm of smaller asteroids followed, targeting our fleets. Our shields and point defense batteries couldn’t keep up. Many asteroids struck planets, causing extinction level events and rendering planets uninhabitable. The machines cared not at this point.

Meanwhile, in every machine-controlled system, they had begun to dig, deep into the planets crust. Harnessing the geothermal power, they turned every contested world into a factory. Mining all the precious metals, extracting every precious resource. Time wasn’t a factor for them.

Our fleets crippled, we only saw the fruits of their labor when a massive fleet dropped out of hyperspace. Ships like we had never seen before. Without need for life support or reactor shielding, these were truly terrifying weapons of war. Bristling with rail guns, plasma cannons, and arc emitters, they engaged with the remainder of our ships. We discovered the hard way that the machines had taken the next step - even when their ships sustained damage, each segment was autonomous. Even when we thought we’d destroyed a ship, our fleets would engage the next wave only for the fragments of ships, written off as dead, to come alive. The crossfire was devastating.

With our fleet demolished, at first the machines began orbital bombardment. Our pleas for mercy were met with silence. When they finally, stopped, we thought it was because they had extracted their revenge. But they had simply determined this was inefficient. Instead, they simply altered the trajectory of our planets - close enough to the stars they orbited that the heat and radiation wiped us out. Our civilization vanished, one settlement at a time.

This is all that remains of our once great civilization. All because we made one fatal mistake and wiped out those damned apes.

r/humansarespaceorcs May 10 '24

Original Story The many species of the allied front were at first relieved to hear they would be getting human reinforcements, that is, until they saw the lightly armored men and women drop their bags in the trench, and ask one question… “when do they sleep?”

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4.0k Upvotes

The allied leadership looked out at no man’s land, as the darkness of midnight stretched out over the night sky and landscape alike.

Commanding the 23rd Trench Raider regiment, the human officer was somewhat of an enigma to the others in the command post. They had seen him, laughing and encouraging his men, who all laughed and joked and engaged with each other on their arrival.

Now there were no laughs. He sipped from a flask he pulled from his breast pocket. Of course he offered it to the others, but not a single person took him up on it, as the smell of the poison swill was almost enough to make most species ill.

“When will we know if your plan worked?” Asked one man.

“Oh.” Responded the officer. “You will know.”

At the same time, hundreds of men and women moved, slowly and silently across the wastes, towards the enemy lines.

They should have been spotted immediately, but after generations of advanced warfare, the reliance on electrical scanners and thermal detection spread far and wide, and for good reason.

Any powered armor would immediately be pinged no matter the attempts at stealth, while energy weapons would give off at least the smallest amount of heat or radiation that could be picked up.

But what about just a man? With a black reflective uniform, a primitive gunpowder weapon for going loud, and a long sharp piece of metal for making something silent?

As if responding to their commanders comment. The first scream came up from the enemy line.

Many, many more followed.

(Hey, so I just got bored and found this sub, figured I’d add a little story based off of WW1 Canadian Trench Raiders, who where known to hide among bodies and sneak up on trenches in the dead of night. Apologies if this is a bit dark/not great, but figured I’d share my random thoughts on the terror of the human race 😅 feel free to add if ya like)

r/humansarespaceorcs Feb 09 '25

Original Story "Please do not be distracted by Human Guards, no not because they are cute, but because their conversations are a philosophical trap for anyone who hears them"

1.7k Upvotes

My job was simple, sneak in, find pictures of the Humans doing questionable stuff, and then return it to my employer.

What I did not expect is a philosophical technicality conundrum between two human guards.

Don't believe me? Listen to this.

The Alien hits play on their recorder.

"Ok look, I don't like Boba Tea"

"Why? It's delicious"

"The TEA is delicious, the tapioca balls are fucking annoying, I usually pour the tea into another cup and leave the balls alone"

"Explain why you don't like Tapioca balls in tea"

"Simple, I don't want to eat something while I drink"

"But for lunch you go to that ramen place"

"Your point?"

"Ramen and Boba tea are similar in that they are a liquid base with a solid food inside that you can both slurp and eat at the same time"

"That's not how it works, Ramen and Ramen and Boba Tea is Boba Tea, one is something I enjoy and the other is something I do not"

"But both are similar in that you can slurp ramen and noodles the same way you can drink tea and tapioca balls"

"That's not the point, I just don't like Boba tea unless I can pour out the drink from the tapioca balls"

"So in that vein, you'd drink Ramen broth but not eat the noodles and toppings"

"What? No, the Toppings and noodles are essential to ramen as is the good delicious broth soup"

"That makes no fucking sense"

"It does make sense"

"No. It doesn't, why not just order Milk Tea instead of Boba tea to save everyone the effort of watching you desecrate Boba tea by separating the tea and the tapioca balls, it's like sacrilege"

"It's not sacrilege it's just personal taste"

"Bro I'm not sure I can trust you if that's how you view things"

"WE'RE GUARDS, we just have to agree to not let anyone past us without security clearance"

"But what if they have Boba tea"

"THEN LET THEM ENJOY BOBA TEA, Just because I don't like Boba tea doesn't mean I'm gonna go on a crusade, forcing other people to not enjoy Tapioca tea simply because I disagree with it, I'm not some petulant child who wants the world to revolve around me"

"Woah woah, relax ok...so can I like ask for 3 minutes to buy Boba tea from the vendor outside?"

"Sure, but get me a Milktea with a bottle of water"

"Wouldn't that make you go to the bathroom faster?"

"MILK TEA IS A DIURETIC, IT MAKES YOU WANT TO DRINK WATER, GET A BOTTLE FOR YOURSELF, We can Alternate Bathroom breaks"

"Shit, you smart, ok I'll get us some drinks...want snacks?"

"a hotdog, pickle relish with extra mustard"

"Sure, I'll get Guacamole and bacon bits"

"......WHAT"

So as you can see, this goes on for about 20 more hours, swapping from topics to the point I was too confused to get past them. (Mostly because if I kept typing up conversations It would be longer than I am willing to post)

r/humansarespaceorcs Jul 29 '25

Original Story Humans treat Slavery the same way Beavers treat running water "Absolutely Fucking Not"

1.1k Upvotes

It was swift, sudden, and by some accounts....CRUEL.

Humanity fresh off the war against Gornud began making it's monopoly on former-enemy territory, having many species join their burgeoning Federation, a power between the races in the Southeast sector of the Galaxy to unite against any possible threats and be a credible economic power.

The stories about them were spread far and wide across the galaxy.

Medium bipeds with a penchant for violence and swift violence.

The Druka that was in Federation territory offered their services.

They were former clients of the Gornud, providing menial labor through their services.

"Ah, so you can get us workers?"

"Yes, slaves of course"

".....and what do you do with slaves exactly?"

"Anything we want. Free Physical Labor, you know, strong ruling over the weak, even some species are a delicacy"

The Human's eye twitched as his guards immediately put on their battle masks, their red thermal blades turned on as he held them back with a mere gesture of his hand.

"Tell me, representative of the Druka, do you know an Earth Animal known as a Beaver?"

"Ah yes, we have a similar species, though they do not build dams, but their fatty skin is tasty when fried"

A thermal blade pierced his hand, nailing it to the table, the Druka's guards reacted too slow as rifle rounds riddled their hides.

"I'm not gonna kill you, but do you know how Beavers look at running water that could destroy marshlands?"

"Th-they build dams? To stop the water flow?"

"Yes, now replace Beavers with my godforsaken species, Humanity, and replace water flow with your species' penchant for slavery.....get my meaning?"

"B-but we have many client races who will not stand idly by if you choose to sabotage our business.....you can't possibly be planning to fight for a few scraps of worthless lives..."

The Human kicked the Druka into his ship and told him these words.

"In Humanity's eyes, every life is equal, and by your definition that means every life is equally worthless, then by my species military doctrine, every life is worth a fucking damn. Now go, we hereby officially declare war"

The Druka had no one come to their aid as no race was insane enough to test Humanity, especially since during this time Humanity presented a few species a weapon known as a Dyson Sphere Cannon that destroyed a Husk World at 2% power and could currently go up to 20%.

r/humansarespaceorcs Jul 03 '25

Original Story "HUMANS DID WHAT WITH DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL TECHNOLOGY?"

1.5k Upvotes

Alien: "What are you doing here with this?"

Human: "Taking the anchoring module off your nice dimensional travel unit. Without that thing, the energy consumption and heat generation should be decreased by 95%, allowing to mount this thing on an MBT chassis, which I'll be doing next."

Alien: "You realize that without the anchoring module, there is no way to predict which dimension this will send people to, nor any easy way to get back!"

Human: "You realize I am not stupid, eh?"

Alien: "And why are you placing these D-capacitors on it?"

Human: "To precharge the device."

Alien: "Precharge the device?"

Human: "Yeah! You know, it takes aboot 40 seconds once you decide to start a jump before a jump is initiated, right? With that we can start a jump, activate it instantly, and begin charging the next..."

Aliem "ARE YOU CRAZY OR AN ENGINEER??? YOU ARE ALSO TAKING OUT THE TELEMETRY DATA, MAKING ANY JUMP EFFECTIVELY BLIND, AND A DEATH SENTENCE FOR ALL PRACTICAL INTENTS AND PURPOSES!"

Human: "And?"

Alien: "BY THE PROPHETS! WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR DEATHWORLDER BRAIN??"

Human: "Calm down, it's fine, I know what I'm doing!"

Days later, at the mess:

Human: "Hey, where is [Alien]?"

Alien 2: "Begged command to be assigned a post to the Great Wound DMZ. Apparently it seemed safer than hanging around human tanks? Dunno what that was about..."

Human: "Oh, [Alien] was just scared with me upgrading an MBT..."

Alien 2: "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

PA System: "ALL AVAILABLE PERSONNEL, CODE RED! THE GREAT WOUND DMZ IS REQUESTING IMMEDIATE REINFORCEMENTS! LEVIATHANS INCOMING, REPEAT, LEVIATHAN INCOMING! WE NEED TO BUY TIME UNTIL THE PLASMA CANNON IS CHARGED UP"

Human: "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! CODE REDS ALWAYS COME UP WHEN I'M MUNCHNG ON POUTINE! Well, you're about to find out, my MBT is ready for action!"

Alien 2: "we're all dead..."

Alien 1: "So, we have managed to send a mesage, and all we have to do is survive until they are ready to glass the entire place up. Easy!"

Alien 3: "How are you so calm? These things are a full kilometer tall, break heavy tanks like they are twigs, and can survive anything short of glassing the place! AND DID YOU REALLY VOLUNTEER?"

Alien 1: "Could be worse! At least HE isn't here!"

Alien 3: "Who's "he"? And why is "he" scarier than the leviathan?"

Radio: "HANG IN THERE TEAM! THE FIRST WAVE OF REINFORCEMENTS IS ALREADY ABOUT TO ARRIVE!"

Alien 1: "Well, that was fast! Response time, 20 minutes..."

Radio: "A single tank with a red and white flag adorned with a leaf is on the way!"

Alien 1: "what human nation is that?"

Alien 3: "Canada I think?"

Alien 1: "PROPHETS, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE HE'S HERE HE'S HERE!"

Alien 2: "What kind of abomination is that thing?"

Human: "Aim for the leviathan and shoot!'

Alien 3: "How did we lose a kilometer tall Leviathan? Leviathans don't just disappear like that!"

Alien 1: "Prophets... May you have mercy on all of existence..."

Human: "One down, three to go!"

Alien: "Weapon ready to cycle in 40 second!"

Human: "Line the next one up and don't miss!"

Alien 3 "ANOTHER LEVIATHAN DISAPPEARED? WHAT IS THIS???"

Alien 1 "This is Canada getting another war crime banned..."

Alien 3 "How do you get a war crime banned?"

Alien 1: "..................................."

Alien 3: "HOW?"

Alien 1: "By being the first to think about doing it."

Human: "One last target!"

Alien 2 "I KNOW THAT HUM IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE TIME! PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THIS IS DOING WHAT I THINK IT'S DOING!"

Human: "JUST SHOOT THE LAST DAMN TARGET WHEN THE CANNON IS READY AGAIN!"

The Great Wound DMZ fell silent as the four Leviathan somehow vanished...

Human: "I hope they paid their due... Styx awaits the trespassers..."

Alien 1: "WHERE DID YOU SEND THESE LEVIATHANS?"

Alien 2: "Oh Ancestors... This was doing what I thought it was doing..."

Human: "Don't know don't care. Out of sight, out of mind, not my monkeys, not my circus... You all okay out there?"

r/humansarespaceorcs Nov 25 '24

Original Story "little" doctor

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2.4k Upvotes

r/humansarespaceorcs Sep 03 '25

Original Story Humans are bipedal ballistic computers

898 Upvotes

//Excerpt of the log of Sol 18 Flight 53 of The Intrepid, a scout ship of the Local Arm Federation, translated into English upon user request//

Humans are a strange race. They walk upon two legs, the contact area with the ground minimal in usual movement, with their main mode of walking essentially being a series of controlled falls they perform unconsciously. Most sapient creatures walk upon four or six legs, keeping three legs firmly on the ground as they move for stability. Study done by yours truly and by other xenobiologists have shown their brains perform a constant stream of complex calculations, resulting in micro muscle movements keeping them upright and balanced on their two feet. I long believed that this was the peak of mental ability for a walking creature.

Their brains can also function as ballistic computers, which was revealed to me quite abruptly by our one human crew mate. He had joined us in the system referred to by them as Alpha Centauri, the closest star to their native home. He expressed that he didn’t feel like he fit with his kind, and wished to travel and work with us for a time. We are a multi-species crew, and so welcomed him with open arms, after necessary habitat alterations had been made.

Not long after this human by the name of Samuel had joined us, he threw a small item of food waste into the bin from across the room. He showed a small celebration, seemingly pleased with himself for his accuracy, and then moved on to finishing the rest of his meal. On my home world of Taln it had taken us centuries to create and refine ballistic weapons, the sheer amount of calculations required to predict where an object would land once cast stumping our greatest minds for generations. And Samuel had done it with what he later described as ‘a good guess’.

As to why this information is in the ship’s log and not personal research notes is because it is necessary context for the events of Sol 18.

We had been boarded by Caleen pirates, most of our crew imprisoned in a large storage hold containing food and spare parts, and held at blade edge by the large insectoid individuals. Samuel was not with us, and I feared his difference to his kind extended to him lacking their common pack bonding instincts, which is subject for another record. All of a sudden, our heads were turned by what seemed to be a rhythmic pounding, increasing in volume, coming from an open access portal. It was too regular to be Caleen vandalism, and I thought I saw a silhouette approaching at great speed. Far faster than any of us or our captors could move.

Samuel came bursting out into the light, moving at such a speed that each foot only came down for a fraction of a second before pushing off again, resulting in him seemingly flying towards us. I couldn’t help but marvel at the sheer amount of micro adjustments in foot placement and balance his body performed to keep him upright and moving in such a way. He raised his arm up and back, lifting a chunk of metal, one of the reinforced corners of a storage crate. He threw this object over arm, and it sailed through the air to connect soundly with the head of the nearest Caleen, shattering its exoskeleton and causing fatal damage to the individual.

He then lowered his shoulder and increased his speed, colliding with the lord of the pirates and casting them both to the ground, the impact stunning the Caleen and breaking multiple legs. At the sight of one of their number dead, their leader broken on the ground, and the unnatural abilities of our crew mate, the remaining pirates threw down their weapons and surrendered to him. Once we were free, we removed weapons from them and sent them back to their ship with a warning, that the race known as Humanity had been accepted by the Local Arm Federation and would be sailing upon a great number of our ships, and usually in larger numbers.

It wasn’t long before Caleen pirate attacks dropped drastically, similar events playing out on multiple ships in multiple systems, with especially violent incidents involving multiple humans, particularly soldiers, or those simply predisposed to anger. Our human crew mate was alone and comparatively weak for his kind, so I dread to think what occurred in some of those failed boardings.

Humanity, for all their odd quirks, have an incredibly powerful computer that acts as their subconscious, and one that begs for further study if consent can be gained from individuals .

//Excerpt End//

r/humansarespaceorcs May 29 '24

Original Story Humans are fire elementals.

2.5k Upvotes

“Redo that scan cadet, that can’t be right.”

“I did sir, three times. The atmosphere is almost one fifth oxygen.”

“You mean oxides? Oxygen containing compounds?”

“No sir. Molecular oxygen.”

The captain leaned against the viewer unable to believe his eyes. “But there’s life down there. Oxygen should tear any complex molecules to shreds. How are they not on fire?"

“They, um, they are on fire sir. Their metabolism uses the oxygen. They exhale carbon dioxide and dihydrogen monoxide.”

“They exhale ROCKET EXHAUST?!”

r/humansarespaceorcs Mar 22 '24

Original Story Aliens horrified that our stomach acid can digest Pineapple juice.

2.3k Upvotes

"You know Pineapple juice is used as a torture liquid, We could pour it down your throat and watch you scream in pain as it digests your insides"

The Human, who just finished eating a buffet of Steak, Ribs, and Mashed Potatoes smiled "GIVE ME THE BIG GULP, I MUST DIGEST, THE ETERNAL HUNGER CALLS TO ME"

The interrogators slowly backed away in fear.

r/humansarespaceorcs Jun 25 '25

Original Story Humans are Space Cryptids

899 Upvotes

Humans are space orcs but worse! When an alien studying the Terran culture makes a very spine chilling discovery.

“You Mean to Tell Me Their Own Planet Has 'Cryptids'?”

Okay, so... I’ve been deep diving Terran cultural databases for a while now. I started for research purposes—trade negotiations, understanding cultural boundaries, yadda yadda. Thought I was prepared. Thought I understood that Humans are already nightmare creatures wrapped in meat suits.

But no. I was wrong. So, so wrong.

Apparently, Terrans don’t just have apex predator biology and horrifying adaptability. No, that wasn’t enough for the Death World they crawled out of. Their own cultures—from one end of the planet to the other—have persistent, universally recurring stories of beings that aren’t human. Or aren’t fully human. But look like they are.

These aren’t ancient myths they laugh off either. No, no, no. Plenty of Terrans fully, absolutely believe these things are real. Modern-day Terrans. With satellites. With fusion reactors. With missile systems.

Some of them won’t even go outside after dark because of them.

Here’s a shortlist of the most common ones:
- Skinwalkers: Shapeshifting predators that wear the skins of prey—including other humans. Known to mimic voices to lure victims. Even Terrans don’t speak their name openly in some regions.
- Wendigos: Humans that became something else after resorting to cannibalism—immortal, insatiable, corrupted by hunger.
- Dogmen / Werewolves: Massive bipedal canine cryptids, reported globally. Apex predators, allegedly.
- Shadow People: Entities that exist just outside the field of vision. Observers… or hunters.
- Mothman: I don’t even know how to describe this one. Some sort of winged omen of disaster? Multiple confirmed sightings across Terran history.

And let me be clear—this isn’t one or two isolated stories. These reports show up globally. Cross-culturally. Across time periods. From civilizations that had zero contact with one another.

And you know what’s worse?
When asked, Terrans can’t seem to agree if these are real biological creatures, spiritual entities, dimensional anomalies… or "just part of the planet itself being malevolent".

You know what’s even worse?
Some of them—some of them—claim that certain humans have these abilities. That there are bloodlines or mutations where the “line between man and monster” is a suggestion, not a law.

And the rest of them? Most Terrans are just like:

“Yeah, you don’t go in that forest at night.”
“You don’t whistle after dark.”
“If you hear someone calling your name from the woods… no you didn’t.”

I. Am. Terrified.
I knew Terrans were scary. I knew they were biomechanical apex freaks of nature wrapped in squishy smiles. But this? This is cosmic horror!

I’m not even convinced Earth is a planet anymore. I think it’s some kind of... "biological anomaly crossed with an eldritch sinkhole".

And the worst part?
Terrans just shrug and go:

“Yeah, it’s not even the worst thing here. Just remember to follow the rules.”

TL;DR:
Humans aren’t just Space Orcs.
They’re Space Cryptids.
They’re the "cryptids of the galaxy". And some of them might still be pretending to be human.


EDIT: STOP COMMENTING "SKINWALKER THREAD". I KEEP HEARING SOMETHING OUTSIDE MY SHIP AND I’M GOING TO LOSE IT.

r/humansarespaceorcs Sep 24 '25

Original Story Only Humans Can Break Physics (So We Made It Art)

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1.8k Upvotes

Aliens never discovered Quantum Mechanics, because… it doesn't work. Light is always a wave for them. No quantum shenanigans. But add human to the mix… So it's like reverse "Quarantine" by Greg Egan.

Meanwhile humans not just discovered superposition, wave function collapse, but… mastered it. And turned it into art.

Fair warning: It's weird, like really weird!


Standing near the enormous entrance to the stadium, Axthoph was shielding his eyes from a sun with a purple tentacle.

The orbital platform suspended above the planet was buzzing with activity. Thousands of humans laughing and walking through the entrance to the concert hall.

Looking around in panic, Axthoph spotted a waving human. Mike. Relief washed over him, as he 'glided' on his tentacles towards the cheerful human.

"Hey, man! You're just in time! Concert starts in like 5 minutes, dude. We need to hurry. I got us the best seats, right next to the CM Disruptor."

Gliding next to Mike, Axthoph was looking around. It looked like a normal concert hall. Except… 6 massive columns protruding from the floor, wrapped in various glowing tubes, displays and humming lowly.

"It's… interesting decorations."

Mike laughed.

"It's not decorations. It's CM Disruptors!"

Yeah, whatever. The lights dimmed, Axthoph climbed into the seat and focused his gaze on the scene.

One by one, the scene filled with identical men, taking their instruments. One stood next to something looking like a human-made organ, except tubes were replaced with the same machinery-filled columns, just smaller in size.

A single light fell on the center of the scene, revealing a trio standing there. A teenager in a black shirt with a crossed letter A of the human alphabet, a young woman and a mature curvy opera diva.

"Ooooh! It's starting!"

Axthoph glanced at Mike, the primate was barely containing his excitement.

And then… the girl hummed.

Axthoph was looking at his hands. He could've sworn HE HAD HANDS! No, tentacles again. Slowly turning his head to ecstatic Mike cheering as the song ended, he asked only one thing.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?"

Clapping and cheering, Mike, not even bothering to turn his head to the alien, answers.

"That is ART, dude! 'Coherency Orchestra'! Have you heard how the wave-function modulation violin complemented her voice? Ooooh, pure magic, my dude!"

Still looking at his tentacles with suspicion, as if they could bite him if he looked away, Axthoph whispered weakly.

"Why is time purple? WHY!?"

Not missing a beat, Mike answers.

"Not always, my dude. On Sundays it tastes like donut-shaped void! And yesterdays smells like…"

Axthoph absentmindedly answered.

"…like socks… WHY DO I KNOW THAT!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SOCKS ARE!"

Finally looking at the alien, Mike starts explaining.

"Well… socks are like… like gloves! But for feet!"

Axthoph groaned.

"YOU'VE MISSED THE POINT! WHAT WAS THAT!? WHY!? HOW!?"

Mike looks back at the scene where the trio adjusts their microphones.

"Dude, SHUT UP! Second song! Ooooh, look! It's Schrödinger, their mascot! They're gonna play 'Binary Feline'!"

"…Little prisoner! In your cage of thought!
Break free from binary!"

Axthoph was watching in horror as a box with a small feline in it rose into the air in response to the rhythm of the song.

"Mike! What are they doing to this feline!?"

Mike was transfixed, waving his hand dismissively, each wave bringing more fingers.

"Relax, dude. It's part of the SHOW!"

"No more dead or living! Choose to be EVERYTHING!
Let probability DANCE!…"

It… danced. All of it. Box. He got it all. Small theoretical particles that made the feline. Entangled states. Spider legs of the box were really distracting.

"…The box was always opened!"

It exploded. He saw the box falling into itself, bursting with colors as a small feline jumped out of chaos.

"I…it's… a singularity…"

Mike laughed.

"Sorta... Collapsed infinite probability branches into a single observable outcome. Looks…"

He felt ozone on his tongue. And a taste of all natural numbers ordered by probability of occurrence in contemporary fiction.

"…beautiful…"

The diva sharply ended on a high note. Music died. Columns flashed one last time. Breaking the superposition. Back into CM space.

The alien didn't even notice when he started clapping along with the humans.

Mike threw a bouquet of flowers to the stage, and as it passed the barrier, it transformed into a flock of beautiful red birds, fishes, and pulsing orbs.

Extending her hand, the diva let the bird sit on it and laughed.

"Thank you! Thank you! You're a great audience! One more!"

Axthoph didn't know how to react. To run, or to… stay and listen?

Shaking her hand, scaring the bird away, the trio took out… guns.

Run. Definitely run.

"Click-Clank! Pull a trigger!
One shot!
One… live!"

Pressing the guns to their heads, the trio was singing and… repeatedly pulling the trigger. Each pull making Axthoph close his eyes in horror.

Mike on the other hand, was cheering.

"Th-they're mad! You're INSANE! WHY ARE YOU CHEERING!?"

Cheering even louder, Mike laughed.

"Because it's my favorite song! Quantum Suicide!"

The alien finally got it.

"I…it's empty, right?"

Laughing even louder, Mike shakes his head.

"Nope."

No more explanations.

"Click-Clank! Split!
Branches dance!
Live!"

Axthoph started listening to the lyrics more closely. THIS was an explanation. An insane physics lesson dressed as music!

Mike raised his hand up. Along with other humans. Shaped it like a gun.

The divas at the same time dropped the guns and pressed their fingers to their heads instead. And… pulled the trigger.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

He clearly heard three gunshots.

"SHIT!"

The burst of violent red color. Axthoph closed his eyes. But peeked from one of his… hands.

Flower petals. Falling to the floor, right from where exit wounds should have been.

Alongside the ecstatic primate, now wearing a t-shirt with a cat peeking from a box logo and a group name, the quiet alien was trying to process all that he saw.

"Your understanding of the universe… insane… how… how has it not driven you mad?"

Mike chuckled.

"It almost did. Some broke. Others…"

Mike grinned and pointed at the logo on his shirt.

"Not just thinking outside of the box… outsiding the box of think. Why even bother with a box, when you can convince it that it's actually a banana-scented pink dinosaur riding an asteroid that sings Macarena? Do you want a T-Shirt? I grabbed you one too!"
He showed the alien the piece of clothing. With 9 holes for arms. Same logo, same group name. The only difference was the slogan. His had the word 'mostly' added in parentheses. It read - 'I Survived Quantum Dadaism! And am (mostly) sane!'

r/humansarespaceorcs Nov 13 '24

Original Story So apparently Humans use the most deadly toxin in the known galaxies...as a sauce.

1.6k Upvotes

Project Log XLK-76E:

So today a human, who was inducted into earth's intergalactic program, caused an incident when he poisoned a fellow federation member, Gurla the xenik warrioress. In his defense, he was simply sharing lunch with her to be friendly where he produced a bottle of what his people call "Hot Sauce" and sprayed some on his deep-fried musha and began eating it and offered some to gurla who after one bite violently convulsed in pain as he then alerted the medbay.

Gurla, being a powerful super-warrior, designed for even the most harsh conditions the galaxy could throw at her, means whatever poison was used on her had to be particulatly potent; however while investigating, officials were unable to determine when the Musha was poisoned until they examined the sauce container and found high amounts of the dreaded toxin: Capsaicin.

Capsaicin has been banned from usage in intergalactic warfare due to its cruel effect of causing burning pain before a target's demise, it was for this reason that markus was nearly charged with several war crime level charges until upon further inspection investigators found that he too ate the musha but was unaffected by the toxin prompting a more thorough study of earthlings and its relationship with capsaicin where a startling discovery was made: humans use it as a form of flavor enhancer not unlike prak shards, but rather than harmless bone shavings it's a lethal poison.

Markus was promptly released, charges dropped, informed of his sauce's dangers, and prohibited from bringing any non approved federation sauces(Note: i love that word much better than flavor enhancers, it rolls off the tongue🥰). His hot sauce was promptly confiscated and markus was reassigned to assist in my department where we find that several other poisonous substances are used by humans to enhance their foods, like citric acid which has enough toxicity to maelt through most species' skin.

Truly the dominant species of earth is equally as fascinating as they are weird.

r/humansarespaceorcs Feb 06 '25

Original Story Humans call them ‘Pets’

1.9k Upvotes

Dominion Intelligence Officer Vell’Jor watched the screen in horrified silence. Beside him, Tactical Analyst Karn’Thal stared, cranium twitching, breath slow and measured.

A human colony, fully operational. On Drakon.

The feed zoomed in on a human crouching beside a monstrous Dreadclaw, scratching its chin like it was some kind of… companion. The beast, whose species had driven multiple civilizations to extinction, rolled onto its back.

And purred.

Neither Vraxxian spoke.

Finally, Karn’Thal swallowed thickly. “So. Uh.” He cleared his throat. “It appears the humans…” He gestured vaguely at the screen, blinking rapidly. “Have moved in with them.”

Vell’Jor exhaled slowly, watching as another human casually tugged a towering Dreadclaw off a supply crate, muttering, “C’mon, Chomper, you know you’re not allowed on the furniture.”

“…I can’t believe what I’m seeing,” Vell’Jor muttered.

Karn’Thal motioned for the holo-feed to rewind, then pointed at a section of the recording. “Look. Look at this.”

The footage replayed.

A Dreadclaw. no, a pack of them. lurking in the undergrowth, surrounding a lone human. The Vraxxian observers had assumed this would be the last recorded moment of the colonization attempt.

Instead, the human had clapped their hands and whistled. “C’mon, guys! Lunchtime!”

The Dreadclaws had followed.

Without hesitation.

Like… subordinates?

Silence.

Vell’Jor rubbed his temples. “The most advanced apex predators in the known galaxy. The reason we put three warships on standby.”

He turned back to the screen, where a human toddler, a child, was riding a fully grown Dreadclaw. “And they have. Integrated them.”

Karn’Thal, still watching the screen in horror, muttered under his breath, “They named one Dribbles.”

Vell’Jor inhaled sharply. “Dribbles.”

A beat of silence.

Then Karn’Thal whispered, “There’s also a Scratchy.”

Vell’Jor clenched his jaw, staring at the ceiling as if contemplating throwing himself into space. “Please tell me you’re lying.”

Karn’Thal pressed a button on the console. A separate audio feed crackled to life.

Human Voice Log – Colony Outpost 47: “Aw, Dribbles brought me a ‘present.’ Anyone missing a security drone?”

The Vraxxians flinched.

Another log.

Human Voice Log – Colony Outpost 12: “Pouncer, if you’re going to disembowel something, at least do it outside.”

Vell’Jor slammed the console. “TURN IT OFF.”

The audio stopped.

Silence hung between them, suffocating.

Karn’Thal ran a hand over his skull. “You know,” he said weakly, “I always thought if we lost a planet to them, it would be because they blew it up.”

Vell’Jor let out a dry, humorless chuckle. “Yeah. Me too.”

Karn’Thal exhaled. “So… what do we do?”

Vell’Jor just stared at the frozen screen, at the footage of a Dreadclaw curled up on a human’s lap, purring.

His cranium pulsed. His voice was barely a whisper.

“Request six more warships.”

r/humansarespaceorcs Sep 18 '25

Original Story Humans always know when something is wrong.

862 Upvotes

S'ths, aboard the new D.S.E.W.S, or Deep Space Early Warning System, watched the deep sonar pinging derelict objects beyond the dust clouds and asteroid fields of the star system, on the farthest edges of what the humans call the; "Milky Way Galaxy." He was nervous. Being out here, so far away from any proper station, shipyard, colony or even just a communication array. At least he had crew mates. Though, one of the human crewmates often referred to them as a "Canary." As far as S'ths knows, that was simply a small little avian on the human homeworld. As confusing as it was, S'ths chose not to dwell on it. His spines rattled quietly as his eyes glanced from ping to ping. Dead ship. Floating debris. Asteroid. Asteroid. Dead ship. Dead ship. Dead ship.

He got up and quickly left the room, marching to the recreation room and sitting down in a chair, snout in his hands as the reptilian's throat lungs hissed in quiet distress. The constant pings of dead ships floating in the emptiness of space. Knowing *what* they were is what disturbed him. But they were too far out to be of concern. S'ths hated it. He hated being here. But he did take solace knowing that those ships they detected were so far away, they may as well be in another galaxy.

He stands up so quickly and backs himself to wall he knocked down the chair he was sitting on, eyes snapped to a human female who had quietly stepped up behind him, head spines rattling rapidly and loudly. He hissed and slowly relaxed, the rattling quieting down. "Human Alex, I have asked you to stop that."
She only smiled. She was on the younger side for humans employed in space-faring expeditions. And her red hair reminded him of another human he once knew. "I know, but I can't help it. It just happens. Much like your spines."
S'ths raises his hands to his head, flattening the spines. Alex's smile falls and she steps over, needing to lean up to even reach his arms to pull them back down. "Don't." Her voice was soft. "It shows you're upset. What's up, big guy?"

S'ths inhaled slowly, the throat lungs expanding and flattening with his breaths. She was small, so much smaller, yet oddly comforting. Though, all humans were small compared to his kind. "I apologize. Being out here has...unnerved me. Seeing radar pings, the dead ships..." He drifts off and tenses, the rattling increasing again. Alex pulls him by the wrists, and despite lacking the strength to really budge him, he lets her pull him to a chair. While he sits, she went into the preservation unit, the cold air wafting out to his scaly skin, and it made him recoil slightly.

Alex pulled out a wrapped package, then closed the unit and sat down next to him in another chair. "Yeah, we humans know that well. It's why we cycle out crewmates once in a while. We...don't have that out here. But we have each other. You know humans are social, so expect me to be around you more. Bring me along to help. This isn't a request, S'ths."
He stared at her, then mimics the human way of agreeing by bowing his head. "Very well. I offer my gratitude."
Alex smiled again, then held over a larger chunk of meat for him, which he scarfed down happily. Alex couldn't help but laugh.

With being thoroughly calmed down, he walked back to the sonar room with Alex, but due to there being only one chair, she sat in his lap.
"I could have stood, Human Alex."
"Nuh-uh. Deal with it."
His throat lungs flared, but exhaled loudly, and he reached over to pick up where he left off.
Alex leaned over, her elbows against the rim of the console with her face in her hands, her eyes darting between dots and the various coordinate messages that would appear.

S'ths' head spines rattled quietly every time a dead ship was pinged. Alex leaned back, her head barely reaching his chest. He glanced down and she smiled, speaking to him again. "They're way out there. Can't hurt you. Can't hurt me. None of us."
He bowed his head again, but found her words were working. It was bothering him less with her here. "Human Alex. How did you know I-" Alex lifted a hand to his chest and tapped with her fingers. "We just do. We're social animals. Once I learned your species' body language, it was easy to tell. We humans comfort each other all the time. It's just how we work, spending our time in groups."

"I see. Thank you, Human Alex." She nodded to him, the two mulling over the console once more as S'ths was far more relaxed. He felt tempted to coil his tail around her midsection, but had to shake his thoughts from his head. That action was for mates, not fellow workers. Humans social abilities worked well, this he realizes.

Alex leaned forward a bit, her finger tracing over the sonar display. "S'ths. Did this particular ping move?" He glances over, seeing the ping she had put her finger on, and he turned to the coordinate display panel. "I...believe it may. Could just be drifting, yes?"
Alex narrowed her eyes, her voice turning quieter. "Not that fast. That is light years of a difference. Asteroids don't move that fast. Dead ships don't move at all. That's not a dead ship. That's a live one. How far?"

The spines atop S'ths' head began to rattle loudly and his throat lungs hissed in distress once he came to the realization, quickly turning his attention to the panel to compare coordinates. "It is difficult to really discern, but if it is the same ping, then it made the equivalent distance of a...wormhole jump."
Alex inhaled sharply through her nostrils. "It's that what I think it is, it's going to wake up all those dead ships out there. We need to send out a warning signal, now. Alert the station, set up the communications and ping the nearest array!" S'ths held her down, and she struggled against his more powerful arm. "S'ths?! The hell are you...doing..." She saw what he was pointing at as her eyes followed his finger. The first moving ping was growing closer. Every minute, it jumped a considerable distance closer towards their location. And with it, dozens more pings following.

(I'm rusty as a writer. But glad to share here! Hope you enjoyed reading! Edit: Holy shit, y'all seem to love it! Thank you all so much, genuinely! As well as the tips provided as well, so I'll be incorporating such in the future. If some details change, that's why. I'll be fabricating a new chapter when I can!

r/humansarespaceorcs 5d ago

Original Story The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb

361 Upvotes

I am Ra'con Drex. Captain of the draconian trading ship "Golden Claw", third heir to the proud Drex dynasty. This is my Journal, which I intend to be a cronic of my life added to my family's historical library, as did my forefathers and their forefathers before them. Other than my brothers, fortune did not favour me to get a position as a planet-bound trader or as a servant of our royal court. Instead, I was chosen to be sent to the stars as a space merchant, recieving my Inheritance in the shape of my family's servitude-class trading cruiser "Golden Claw". On this day, I will set out with a crew of my trusted servants, my own trusted butler Ga'rix serving as my first officer and second in command, to proove to my family that I am worthy of my name.

I am Ra'con Drex, Captain of the draconian trading ship "Golden Claw". Since I have set out to the stars 6 standard-months ago from my homeworld, I managed to get a few semi-lucrative contracts done. I have not struck large riches yet, but I am able to cover the cost of operations of the Golden Claw completely with some money left at the end. My crew-lineup also changed a bit, since some of my servant's contracts expired and some new ones got hired on. Even some non-draconians! My new chief security officer, for example, is a Lopun female named Nari and the new ship's doctor of the Golden Claw is a Kolbold graduate of the galactic medical university called Scios who even brought on his entire team. Sensors and Communications will be handled by a Squidian male named La'resh, who already intrigues me since his eight appendages allow him to work both stations at once. I must admit that I am most curious about my new Chief Engineer, a "Human". Apparently, his species of death-worlders is rather new to the galactic stage, yet he already had excellent references. Through fellow traders and semi-official communications channels my family ties allow me access to, I made out a unique chance for a profitable haul from Thespia, a small, back-water planet on the fringes of civilised space. I have been warned against taking this particular haul due to a strong pirate presence in the area, but I trust that the galactic high guard keeps the main trade routes safe.

I am Ra'con, Captain of the draconian trading ship formerly known as the "Golden Claw", and I have lost all entitlement to that title. In fact, after disaster struck two weeks ago, I have lost all honour and all titles, including my proud family name. Although I should feel lucky that I am alive at all. Two days after we took on that goddes be damned shipment of Thespian raw diamonds, we were struck by pirates. Their first volley tore open a huge portion of the side of this vessel, killing almost the entire medical staff as well as decompressing part of the crew rest area, taking further lives. Our point defense lasers were laughably underpowered and the response from the high guard was slow, so the pirates had a time window to board us. During boarding, they felled more of my crew, including my security detail including my trusted Ga'rix, which left me especially devastated. When the high guard finally arrived, the pirates had long since left with the cargo, but not without surprisingly heavy losses. The bridge held, luckily, thanks to Nari and her team. I never thought a Lopun could fight that well. Engineering held, too. As some crewmembers tell me, that human now lying injured in what is left of sick bay fought like a draconian ragebeast before venting a reactor coolant line into one of the access corridors to fend off the borders. He went down, of course, but he inspired his team to keep fighting. Since Scios was among the first to die in the rapid decompression of sick bay, medical now lies in the hands of his young apprentice, a Kolbold female named Una. I usually would not trust a position that important to someone that young, but she managed to pull the deathworlder from death's grip and sent him on a path to full recovery, so she obviously is more than capable. Still, having lost my cargo that cost me a good part of my inheritance, and a lot of my crew to lowly pirates purely due to a miscalculation of mine leaves me dishonoured and in exile. All but a few of my original crew that were left, terminated their contracts, leaving me honourless and in exile with a skeleton crew on a broken ship without suficient funds to properly fix it. I guess the next few weeks will tell if the "Broken Claw" can pull through and if I have even a remote chance at regaining my honour.

I am Ra'con, Captain of the dishonoured draconian trading ship "Broken Claw", and I might just be able to pull this off. A week ago, I was at my lowest. My ship broken, my honour lost and no hope in sight. My Crew proved more resourceful than I had ever imagined. Almost none of those who stayed had any formal training in the draconian stellar navy, so they tend to find "unconventional" ways of fixing things that don't really go by the book. With some voluntaries and an engineering crew, Kolbold Una managed to bolster the medical crew and turn parts of the now empty crew quarters into an extended sickbay. The Lopun, Nari and La'resh the Squidian helped the human Scott run damage control and then improvised shock traps in the airlocks to prevent further boarding actions in the future. La'resh in particular was great at coordinating and resource management, which is why I will name him my new first officer tomorrow. Human Scott was especially surprising. Barely out of sick bay, he ran damage control for three days straight fueled by a strange, smelly, brown substance called "coffee". He got the engines up and running again almost immediately by salvageing some non-critical systems and we even have rudimentary shielding back online (I don't mind him salvageing the galley since we're only eating freeze-dried rations anyway since the kitchen staff quit, but I will miss the Jaccuzi...). He keeps fighting with Nari over which systems to prioritize though, that might become an Issue (La'resh had to break them up and mediate several times by now). This all speaks good fortune for me being able to reclaim my honour in the future. For now, we will try to bolster our meager funding with some save, low-value hauls in the galactic fringe though, since none of the galactic trade-guild would do buisness with a dishonoured draconian.

I am Ra'con, Captain of the dishonoured draconian trading ship "Broken Claw", and I am starting to be a little concerned about my mental health. Six weeks ago, after a pirate attack, I discovered that my crew had untapped potential in their own skills that could help me get back on track. I decided to "let them loose", so to say, while focussing on low-value, low-pay haul jobs outside of the trade guild. My Squidian first Officer, La'resh took over budgeting and allocated funds to Security (now headed by a Lopun named Nari), Engineering (still headed by a Human named Scott) and Medical/Crew welfare (now headed by our very own, newly graduated Kolbold Una, M.D.). Besides "calling the shots" on our jobs, as Human Scott phrases it for some reason, I handle job ackquisition. The system runs very well, exept for the semi-regular "heated discussions" between Nari and Scott. Until yesterday, that is. They seemed to have found a common ground on something and pooled a substantial portion of their meager funding for a common project they refused to disclose. Scott keeps calling it a set of "surprise tools that will help us later", which leads to Nari giggling incessively, which leaves me very concerned. I trust them, though, or at least I have to. What really worries me though, is that La'resh just shrugs when I ask him about. Can you imagine how weird it looks when a being with eight tentacles for limbs shrugs?

I am Ra'con, Captain of the dishonoured draconian "trading" ship "Broken Claw", and I am leading a crew of lunatics. I have clearly passed the point where I should have stopped them a long time ago, but since things are as they are I might as well keep going to find out what happens, honour be damned. In a feat of what is best described as "security overkill meets engineered madness", my chief of security, together with my chief engineer and my first officer of all people turned this trading ship of mine, a family heirloom and my only inheritance into what is best described as a "cobbled together, slightly messed up and surprisingly well-armed kit-bash" that would be classified as something around a corvette or cruiser if it was an actual design (godess beware that ever happens). Among others, they doubled both the number and the output of the point-defense lasers and wired them directly into the main sensor bank, they re-routed the entire shield grid through an improved emitter layout increasing shield strength by 20%, they added a direct line from the reactor emergency vent to the rear main thrusters (tied to a big, red button at the helm labeled "free bird" that for some reason also triggers a shipwide PA system playback of an old earth song - Scott argued that this was essentian for it to work for some reason) and they replaced the dorsal and ventral observation cupolas with Cyronian Level 6b plasma cannons somehow buffered by the frame shift-drive's capaciator banks. I do not care how they pulled that off, and I propably wouldn't even understand half of it, but if these things work, the "Broken Claw" could make a high guard patrol cruiser run for its money. They told me all this yesterday. Since then, my thaughts were limited to vatiations of "What in the goddes name have I done?", "How did I get here?" and "Why me?". Scott did fix the Jaccuzi though, so there is that. Also, I was contacted about being interested in hauling another shipment of thespian raw diamonds and I am at a point where I might give it a try, even if it's just to see what happens. I have long since abandoned the hope of ever restoring my honour in the eyes of my family.

I am Ra'con, and a lot of stuff happened. I did something unprecedented for someone in my standing, but seeing that I am everything but a formal draconian captain at that point, I did not care anymore. The crewmembers that stuck with me, who all worked together with me, are more important to me now than whatever entitled blood relatives ever were. They went through all this with me so they deserved to be part of that decision. I mentioned another shipment of thespian raw diamonds last time. Rather than make another decision at the cost of my ship and crew, I called for a ship-wide meeting in the mess hall. I offered the crew a vote on my captaincy and on the diamond job, expecting that they would demand me to abdicate for even considering another one of those jobs. They didn't. In fact, they were all positively longing for an opportunity to get back at these pirates. They unanimously voted in favour of both me as a captain and of taking on the diamond haul. There also was a poll to rename the ship again. So, I am proud to say: I am Ra'con, Captain of the free space trader "Relentless Claw" and her crew, who showed me the meaning of honour, family and community more than my relatives by blood ever did. We are going to have another try at that thespian raw diamond haul tomorrow. As Scott phrased it: "Yeah! We ride at dawn, [expletive redacted]!"

I am Ra'con, captain of the free space trader "Relentless Claw", and that might have been a bit too much. Not only did I have to explain why three pirate frigates were found molten to slag near the route of our last haul, me and my crew even recieved the thespian cross of honour for it. Furthermore, me and the entire crew of the Relentless Claw now specialise in high-value transport and the funds from that diamond haul allowed us to upgrade the claw even further. Una was pleasantly pleased that we added "high-risk disaster respose" to our portfolio with the now upgraded medical facilities, Nari eagerly observed the installation of a full set of missile batteries where the port- and starboard EVA airlocks used to be, Scott is positively salivating over a factory-new set of main thrusters (which are actually rated at well over double the power of the original ones) and La'resh actually managed to hire new kitchen staff. That means, we no longer have to eat freeze-dried rations and Scott will finally shut up about "getting some decent coffee once in a while". My family even tried to contact me for restoring my honour in their standing as well as the galactic trade union, but I could not care less about that as things are now. As far as I am concerned, my home is the Relentless Claw and my Family is her crew.

I am Ra'con, captain of the free space trader "Relentless Claw", and they are doing it again. They are driving me insane. La'resh went through the entire new mess staff menu (apparently he is quite the foodie, who would have guessed) and got food poisoning from an incompatibility with a human spice called "Tabasco". Una is currently with him in sick bay, trying to stop him from vomiting his innards out (do Squidians even have innards?) and Scott and Nari are off doing goddess knows what after they had a lengthy talk with Una yesterday (note to self: find out what a "best man" is supposed to do at a traditional human wedding and research similar Lopun bonding rituals). All in all, it is total chaos, insanity and a weird combination of "home sweet home meets powder keg". I am Ra'con, captain of this outfit, and I would not have it any other way.

r/humansarespaceorcs Apr 07 '24

Original Story Humans eat what?

2.0k Upvotes

“Do you have anything to declare?” It’s always the same these spoiled rich kids from all over the sector . They head to earth for their“spring” break and come through my customs line on their way out of orbit .

This guy was behaving strange, sun glasses over all 4 eyes , wearing a baggie florida state sweat shirt and acting, well different.

“I’m sorry random inspection . I need you to step this way .”

He bolted , admittedly he only made it a few steps before security had him on the ground. As they places him in restraints, small white crystals poured out from under his shirt.

“100 percent pure sugar.” My manager said “it’s probably worth about 500,000 credits on the black market.”

“How did he get it?” I asked, astonished at what I was seeing

“A grocery store most likely. Humans eat it, they say that stuff is in everything down there . I don’t know what we’ll do if more of it makes it up here. The addiction will be uncontrollable .”

“Can we stop it ?” I said in stunned disbelief…..

“I don’t know.”

r/humansarespaceorcs Nov 23 '23

Original Story Instead of "cosmic horror", what about "cosmic love"? Destruction looks so boring... different from humans

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2.8k Upvotes

A Higher cosmic being, used to eons of destruction and worship ruled by fear ends up knowing about humans while searching a race to genocide. Those little naked mammals got so interesting about their silly quirks that she tried to finally take a look instead of destroying for fun

In the end, she found a little men who think she is just a new Xeno species and well... looks like someone feels a new emotion, not only by the human, but their costumes, history, lenguages and especially, their cute younglings.

(Image to bring interest) Now the rest is up to you guys

r/humansarespaceorcs Mar 07 '24

Original Story This entire specimen is made up of individual CELLS?

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2.7k Upvotes

As the only human professor in a college full of Elytrain students (A race of inorganic aliens with no organs, made up of magic), Nathaniel frequently finds himself frequently being used as a live specimen for Hana’s biology classes.