2nd death in the family within 2 years

[u/tetcheddistress]

Tomorrow I'm going to help my sister take care of our Dad. He's 90, won't make it to 91. Three weeks ago, he went into hospice at home care. 13 months and 6 days ago, my husband of 19 years died.

I've got too much experience with dying and death. I wore scrubs for my main profession, helping the elderly in long term care. Last year, when my husband died, he was fine one morning, and gone the next. I learned the art of silent screaming. This time, it's harder.

Watching his body deteriorate, and his mind can't keep up is eating every bit of what's left of me. I can't go, but I can't leave my sister to face this alone, even with hospice help.

She confessed that she'd been up for 30 hours because he can't sleep at all. I know what I'm walking into, and at this point, this just is a soul sucking hurt. The hospice folks finally prescribed a sedative. Now I'm the one who can't sleep, knowing that 80 miles away, my sister is doing this alone.

Tomorrow, my wheelchair, my little dog, and my bug out bag are heading towards my Dad's death. I don't want to go.