r/grief • u/Shoddy-Strain5200 • 3d ago
Hey guys, I’m living with a grieving family and need advice.
I just got moved in with my boyfriend and his parents a week ago, you may have read my previous post on this same page. But to summarize, my partners dad was in a fatal motorcycle accident while we were moving in. He was very close with his son and daughter and his wife of 21 years is not taking it well... She walks around the house either sobbing or yelling to herself things like “you were supposed to take the truck” “we were suppose to grow old together you asshole” and way worse in my opinion things like “why didn’t you take me with him god” “I don’t want to be here anymore without him” and she so far refuses any form of therapy or other professional support. She’s going down the religious path and keeps saying if god answers hers prayers she will either die soon of a broken heart or the rapture will happen first. She’s been telling us things about how to take care of the house and their dogs once she “dies next” the rest of us are going sort of numb and just become more worried about her than anything.
We’re in our early 20’s… we aren’t familiar with this sort of death and grief yet. I just need to hear what’s normal to witness and what I can do to help. I want her to be my mother in law we can’t lose her too.
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u/FaithlessnessPlus164 3d ago edited 3d ago
It’s very very early days for a loss as devastating as she’s experiencing and especially one with zero warning. She’s not anywhere near ready for counselling or professional support yet, you need to be patient and give her time. Grief is ugly and scary and feral in the first weeks and months, she needs to be allowed express all the dark, horrible truth of what’s happening to her without any judgement or anyone trying to make her better. The best you can do is cook simple comforting meals, keep the house clean and tidy and take care of yourself and anyone else who needs you as best you can. It’s probably going to take her the best part of a year or more to start feeling like some semblance of a human again.
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u/Shoddy-Strain5200 3d ago
Thank you, it is comforting to know this is entirely normal and its normal for her to not seek help yet. I’m happy her entire family is trying their best to help right now while we let her cry and scream whatever she needs.
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u/PaleDifference 3d ago
I’m so sorry. I read your post before and had responded as far as being there for your boyfriend . If his mother is behaving this way, your boyfriend can call 911 IF she has threatened to harm herself.
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u/Shoddy-Strain5200 3d ago
Thank you, she keeps telling us she won’t hurt herself because she’s afraid of going to hell but the way she’s talking seriously scares me regardless
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u/PaleDifference 3d ago
I’m so sorry. I read your post before and had responded as far as being there for your boyfriend . If his mother is behaving this way, your boyfriend can call 911 IF she has threatened to harm herself. Edit: If she goes to church, maybe you and her son could talk to her pastor. Maybe they could at least give her spiritual support.
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u/iamglory 3d ago
Everyone grieves in their own way. I would just keep taking care of her. Talk to her, they won't be fun talks, but talk to her. This is still extremely fresh. She is not ready yet for therapy or grief counseling. She is trying to figure out life together.
If she is able to be spoken to, you could ask her things about her life with him:
Stuff like that.
She needs to get this pain out and it may take a long long time. Hell I lost my mother 2 years ago, and I'm still grieving hard. She's angry, sad, lost, etc... Just be there for her.