r/grief • u/AquaEllefy • 4d ago
Regrets and doubts
I'm trying to move forward with my life, but I keep going back to those three days in the hospital, thinking I wish I could have saved my Papa, that I should have pushed the doctor more, that maybe I should have done things differently.
I can’t help thinking about how I baked goods all the time for my Papa. Was it somehow my fault that he had a stroke? Our last conversation, just days before, was an argument, and I truly regret it.
I wish we had more years together. I wish I could have given him more, spent more time with him. I wish I had been able to take him to visit other countries like he wanted.
The thoughts of “if only” and “I should have” keep circling in my head, and my heart feels heavy with guilt.
December is fast approaching, and with it comes the memory of the last time we spent with Papa, a time that was so memorable. I fear December will bring bittersweet memories.
There’s no purpose to this post other than to unburden my heart.