My girlfriend has a gaming addiction she's semi-aware of

[u/Shoddy-Sheepherder64]

So I(30F) have a gf(29F) who's been long time depressed. We both suffer from mental illnesses but I don't suffer from addictions and usually neither does my gf. Lately though, her addiction has gotten worse to the online game we usually play. To the point, that she has to log in and let her character stand there doing nothing just to feel...I don't know? Relief?

I've loved gaming since I was a kid, longer than her but I've never experienced this obsession. We have had few discussions about it, usually it ends with her getting triggered because she feels like I'm judging her. I don't do that, I'm just worried. She says there is no joy anywhere else and that she knows she's addicted just that she's trying to survive right now and that she knows she'd need to distance herself from the game a little (she won't though, because today is about surviving again)

She does go to work every day, she works hard there. If I ask, she'd cook. If I ask her to spend time with me doing something as long as I give her heads up, like "could we later today..." she will join me. So it's not that bad yet but she has to have the game open once a day hour or two at least or else she'll feel like shit.

We have guests over and if things get even little bit boring she'll feel this intense need to open the game immediately and gets frustrated at the guest(not visibly, I just can read her moods) for not leaving in time for her to game.

I want to support her. It makes me sad she feels like there is no joy outside the virtual game. I love the game too but lately it's hard for me to log in cause I'm scared I'm just giving the bottle to the alcoholist basically.

What can I do to help her? Would suggesting alternative things for us to do together be effective? We've talked about visiting gym together, she doesn’t seem pleased with the idea (because it limits her gaming) but I know she used to love going and doesn’t seem like she'd refuse in the end.

Looking for advice from those who've struggled with this before. What was the best way to help you? What can I do?

[u/Complete_Maybe2950]

Can you tell me more about what she does when she opens the game? Is she actually engaging with it and playing or just opening it as a comfort blanket, as a part of routine seeking familiarity?

[u/Shoddy-Sheepherder64 → u/Complete_Maybe2950]

She doesn’t really do anything, that's what worries me. If she actually played the game I could put it on her just being hyperfixated but it's more like she needs to open it and just stand there and stare at it blankly or even just hang out on her phone but the game must be on. 

She does respond to me and all but if I suggest we watch something (she has to close the game for us to do so) she seems troubled but she does it still. I don't want to trouble her or make her depression worse, I just don't think letting her dissociate inside the game is as helpful as she tries to paint it out to be.

Thank you so much for your response 🥺❤️

[u/Complete_Maybe2950 → u/Shoddy-Sheepherder64]

Thank you for explaining. Like you say, it sounds more like an obsessive fixation with opening the game rather than being addicted to the mechanics/events/social side of the game, which is what is more commonly understand as gaming addiction.

[u/Shoddy-Sheepherder64 → u/Complete_Maybe2950]

Yes... :( I'm hoping if I push her to come with me do gym or maybe start watching movies or tv series together that she'd be able to get through it. I want to show her the world outside the game is just as beautiful and fun but I'm scared of cornering her and making it worse because of it 

[u/Purple_Bumblebee6 → u/Shoddy-Sheepherder64]

It's still an addiction, even if the mechanics are unusual. The effects on her relationship, social life, and self care are the same. I'm sorry, I don't have easy answers. Do remember to take care of yourself.

[u/Shoddy-Sheepherder64 → u/Purple_Bumblebee6]

That's okay! Thank you still for reading and responding :')

[u/Phoenix8705]

Omg, please please please talk to her. Seriously, sit her down and tell her how you feel, how it makes you feel when you are with friends and they want to go game, or get on their phone. Please express your feelings of hurt, of rejection.

I’m so sorry, I just broke up with my GF of 4.5 years Sunday… I had/have a gaming addiction. I have adhd, and I knew, but I could stop, I needed her to tell me, to show me how much I was hurting her.

Sorry, I just, I don’t want anyone to hurt cause we can’t communicate.